


Unattainable

by sincerelysobbe



Series: Instagram Love [1]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: And Robbe has a crush on him, Boy Squad shares an apartment, M/M, Older AU, Robbe & Noor are the best friendship that we should've gotten, Sander and Amber are cousins, Sander is Instagram Famous AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-19 00:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 68,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22135918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelysobbe/pseuds/sincerelysobbe
Summary: Sander is Instagram Famous and Robbe is his biggest fan. Someone like Sander would never notice someone like him… right?Based on the gifset by milanhendrickx (now elus) on Tumblr
Relationships: Aaron Jacobs/Amber Snoeckx, Jens Stoffels/Lucas van der Heijden, Moyo Makadi/Noor Bauwens, Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans, Zoë Loockx/Senne De Smet
Series: Instagram Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1624732
Comments: 156
Kudos: 696





	1. Admiring From Afar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank milanhendrickx (on Tumblr) because this AU has completely taken over my life from the moment that I first saw her gifset. Originally, this wasn't supposed to be as long it was. It was only intended to be a one-shot, but there was just too much that I wanted to include. So, as of right now, there are only two chapters that deal with the events shown in milanhendrickx's original gifset, but I could easily expand to include more. 
> 
> but, this was such fun to write so I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> Link: https://elus.tumblr.com/post/189976166047/alternate-universe-where-sander-is-instagram

The party drummed around him, music floating through the speakers that were on either side of the television.

It was a small gathering, a get-together of sorts to celebrate Senne and Zoë’s engagement in their brand-new apartment. The bride-to-be was on the other side of the room, the bright shiny ring on her finger as she let Amber take a look at it. Senne was talking with Milan and some of his friends from school, leaning against the wall with a beer in his grasp.

The girls teased Zoë endlessly, probably because of Zoë’s retelling of the proposal where she had asked Senne to marry her a week before he had meticulously planned to propose (Robbe and Milan had spent so much time trying to help him plan it perfectly that they had gaped, having all been out together; Robbe managed to get his phone out to record the actual proposal when Senne surprised her by getting down on one knee in the middle of the market), and the blonde’s cheeks were dusted pink in response to her friends’ teasing. 

Robbe glanced the room for his friends, who were over on the edge of the room, trying to fish out the details of Jens’ new boyfriend, who had been sneaking in and out of their four-bedroom apartment for weeks. Robbe wasn’t a part of it because he had run into Lucas in the kitchen with Noor as they made breakfast. The boy hadn’t said anything, simply grabbing a bottle of water and returning to Jens’ room (which was then followed by a yelp from Jens and much laughing). Later that evening, the black-haired man had sworn Robbe and Noor to secrecy. 

(Noor was the one who had slipped up on Jens having a boyfriend and Jens had mock-scolded her at three in the morning one night.)

Robbe glanced at his phone, upset that he hadn’t heard from his mom quite yet. He ran a hand through his hair, reminding himself that it was normal for the first couple of days in the institution as doctors did evaluations and checked things over. His mother had been going down again, not taking her medications daily and her meds weren’t working like they were supposed to. When Robbe was in high school, she had checked herself into an institution, being there for months before she had been able to come home. Now, she had checked herself back in.

His phone buzzed and he barely registered the fact that it had been an Instagram notification before someone wrapped their arms around his shoulders. 

“Hey,” it was Zoë, pressing a kiss against his cheek. She pulled back to stare at him, reaching up to wipe away the deep red lip imprint that she left in her wake. Robbe glanced at her, spotting the concerned look on her face. Ever since Robbe had gone to live with her and Milan, the three of them had remained close. Zoë and Milan had been there for him when he needed it the most and they hadn’t let him go. “Why are you looking so glum for?” she questioned, a smile growing on her lips. “It’s a celebration, Robbe.” 

“I’m sorry,” Robbe replied, straightening up on the arm of the couch. “I’m just worried about my mom.” 

Zoë gave him a comforting smile, squeezing his shoulders as she pulled back. “I know, but I promise that she’s in the best place in the world. Now, come on,” she spoke, extending her hands. 

“Come on what?” Robbe questioned, taking them. 

The blonde grinned, pulling him off the couch and towards the middle of the room. The furniture had been pushed aside to have a makeshift dance floor which is where his friends were all gathered. Robbe rolled his eyes as he realized Zoë’s intentions, wrapping his arms around the woman that he had always considered to be the closest thing that he would ever have to a sister and dancing with her. Once Robbe spun her, Zoë let out a laugh and landed against his chest. 

“Can I ask you something?” she questioned, stepping back to glance up at him, still swaying. 

Robbe nodded his head, furrowing his eyebrows. “Of course you can. I’ve learned my lesson. Never say no to the bride.” 

Zoë laughed, a nervous look crossing her face as she bit down on her bottom lip. Watching her getting so nervous instantly made Robbe nervous as well. Then, after a bit, Zoë gripped onto his shoulder as she let out a laugh, lighter and showing her nerves before she managed to form the words together. 

“Would it be okay if you walked me down the aisle?” Zoë questioned, her voice rushed and breathless. Robbe’s eyes widened as she continued, “With Milan, of course, I think he would be quite offended if I asked you and not him, but both of you are like family and since my dad is out of the picture and you’re practically like my little brother-”

“Zoë,” Robbe cut her off. She blinked up at him, the nervous look crossed back over her face. “Of course, I would love to walk you down the aisle.” 

Zoë grinned, throwing her arms around him and pressing another kiss to his cheek. She shrieked out a sorry and tried to wipe away the red lipstick once again before she moved back towards the girls that were demanding the bride-to-be’s attention. Robbe laughed, moving back to the couch now that the only reason he was off the couch had been dragged away. As he flopped down on the couch, pulling his phone from pocket and glancing down at the Instagram notification.

_ earthlingoddity has started a live broadcast _

Glancing around the room, Robbe slid open the notification and kicking his volume down to mute. Within minutes, the broadcast was up, showing ‘earthlingoddity’ in a store, lightly banging his head as he sang a song or mumbled a song. Judging from the angle, someone else was holding the camera and possibly talking to the chat. Robbe couldn’t tell, but he could tell that a fond smile had already begun to form on his face as he watched the man move through the store, grabbing things and dumping them in the shopping cart as he talked, and sung, to the camera and whoever was behind it. 

The brunet wasn’t for sure how it had started, this intense fascination for a person that he had ever seen in person before. While scrolling through Instagram one day, Robbe had come across one of the numerous drawings that he had posted on his profile and had liked it. Then, upon seeing three or four more, he ended up on his profile and following him before proceeding to scroll through every single picture that he had ever posted. He didn’t leave a like on all of his posts (though, Robbe knew that he wanted to).

But, if Robbe hadn’t been aware that he liked guys and only guys, he was certain that  _ earthlingoddity _ , or Sander, would’ve been the final nail in the metaphorical coffin. 

The man was beautiful, almost angelic, like the type of person that you wouldn’t have suspected could’ve ever possibly existed on Earth. His hair had been bleached to a bright white and bright green eyes. Somehow, in (almost) every photo that featured himself, he was wearing the same black leather jacket and his live video now was no exception. He smiled brightly at the camera as he talked and Robbe had been certain that his stomach was performing somersaults. 

Yeah, he  _ definitely  _ had a problem, Robbe decided as he typed “you’re amazing”. His response was quickly followed by the fast-moving chat and Robbe locked his phone as he heard heels approaching him. 

“Robbe,” someone spoke, a light begging tone in her voice. 

He glanced up to find Noor walking towards him. His roommate’s girlfriend was dressed in a black long sleeve shirt with a plunging neckline coupled with a dark red skirt. She had her black hair pushed behind her ears, exposing her black stud earrings, and her bangs were slightly pushed to the side. Robbe noticed that she wasn’t wearing a septum ring tonight which could only mean one thing. 

“Noor,” he spoke, already sitting up and already suspecting that she was going to ask. “Again?” 

On their first ‘date’ following a mad dash from a party all those years ago, Noor had taken Robbe to a secret spray-painting club that operated out of a warehouse that someone owned. Some of the members were from her school and a handful were other spray-painters around Antwerp. Robbe and Noor had been a fresh couple back then, having literally met in a bathroom hours before. It had been before Nick and the harsh words that Robbe had thrown in Nick’s face in fear of what it all meant. After Robbe was out and had apologized to her, the two of them became friends. Once Moyo and Noor started officially dating, it became apparent that she wouldn’t be leaving Robbe’s life anytime soon. 

As a result, she tended to bring Robbe with her to the underground painting ring when Moyo couldn’t go with her. 

“Please,” Noor spoke, folding her hands in front of him. She glanced at Moyo, who was still trying to get Jens’ to fess up with Aaron and now Amber had joined in the conversation. “Our anniversary is tomorrow and we’re going out with his parents after I get out of work. I won’t be able to go for a week so I have to make sure it’s all done tonight. I’m almost done, I promise that it won’t take that long. Plus, Moyo is meeting with his mom and his mom’s doctor in the morning and it’s supposed to be a surprise.” 

Robbe looked at her. “Why me?”

“Because they know you,” Noor supplied, putting her hands on her hips. “And, besides, if I don’t show up with either one of you, I have to fight off some newbie with spray-paint who wants to hit on me.” She folded her hands in front of her again. “Please?”

Robbe let out a sigh and Noor grinned because she knew that she already won. 

… 

Upon arriving outside the old garage, Noor had practically forced the mask over his face before he even had the chance to ask for one. Once she had made sure that her own was secure, she stepped over to him, making sure the straps were tucked behind his ears and locked in place. The knock was simple and deliberate. After so many trips coming with her over the years, he had the knock memorized but he never came here of his own accord. 

Just like any other night, the garage was full of people. Robbe recognized the blue eyes of the man that had let them into the building. The man had made a joke about Noor ditching her boyfriend to which she rolled her eyes and pretended to not be offended before grabbing Robbe by the wrist and dragging him further into the large warehouse. There were a handful of vehicles along with the vast empty space, a handful of people here and there, and there was at least one person that had a camera, taking pictures of everything around them. 

Noor shifted the bag that she had been carrying up further on her shoulder. 

One artist that they passed had chosen the canvas to be one of the poles that held up the building. The person was switching from a can of spray paint to a paintbrush and palette that was balancing dangerously on his knee. Another had started an abstract painting on the floor, his space coordinated off by a bunch of backpacks that had to have been from the other painters. The entire life and feel of the warehouse had always made him smile, the support and the secrets brimming in the building. 

“Come,” Noor spoke, grabbing his arm and directing him further into the building, all the way to the back wall. There was a section of the wall that had already been spray-painted over. The section was a majority of a dark blue with a beautiful blend of blues and purples. There was only a section of the wall that had small white bursts against the blend. As he stared, Robbe could make out a handful of constellations that he couldn’t remember the name of. 

“Wow,” he mumbled.

“Do you like it?” she questioned, sounding insecure. 

“Of course I like it, it’s beautiful,” Robbe informed her. Even with the mask obscuring half of Noor’s face, he could tell that his friend was grinning from ear-to-ear. But, he couldn’t help but feel like there was more to the story. “Why are you so eager to finish this tonight?” he asked, curious. 

“Oh,” Noor spoke, her cheeks flushing. “Well, for our first date, Moyo and I had spent the night looking up at the stars. His mother used to always show him the constellations. We sat there forever just looking up at the stars and he was telling me the stories of them. I’m going to show him, but I know it’s not going to stay here on this wall forever so I was going to have a friend take a picture and print it out so we could keep it.”

Robbe smiled. 

“Too cheesy?” she questioned. 

“No,” Robbe replied, shaking his head. “I think it would be a perfect gift for Moyo.” 

Noor smiled.

The artist had a reference picture on her phone which she was meticulously following. In his initial visit to the warehouse, the two of them had sprayed a garage truck together. But, Robbe knew that he was here as moral support. As such, he sat on the floor, not far from her with his legs crossed beneath him and her bag of spray paint in front of him. Whenever her can of white paint ran out, he fetched her another from her bag. She must’ve known that she would need to use a lot because there were at least ten cans of white spray paint. 

Noor was meticulous, going a little at a time. Robbe knew that she was focused on the task at hand so while she was spray painting, Robbe was playing on his phone. There was a text from Moyo asking about any information about Jens’ boyfriend which Robbe ignored and informed him that they had made it to the warehouse safely. Jens sent him to let him know that he (and Moyo) had all arrived back at the apartment and that they were headed to bed. Once he had finished the text, his thumb instantly opened Instagram with the hopes that the live broadcast was still going on. 

To his disappointment, it wasn’t. 

So, he ended up playing a game. 

“Robbe,” Noor whined, tearing his attention away from his game. Robbe glanced up to his friend, who was standing on the top of the ladder that she had pulled over some time ago. She had reached the top of the mural now, the stars covered the entire mural except for one section in the upper hand corner. The ladder couldn’t go any further over, stuck by a pole. “How does it look?” 

Robbe gave her a look. “It looks beautiful, just like it did when you started nearly three hours ago.” 

“Three hours?!” she questioned, glancing at her phone. There’s a surprised look on her face as she filtered through what she presumed to be messages. “I didn’t realize it would take this long.”

“Noor,” Robbe spoke. “It’s fine. You just might have to deal with an angry boyfriend when you climb into bed in the middle of the night.” Noor chuckled, starting to climb off the ladder to move it. Robbe’s phone buzzed in his hand and he glanced down. It was an Instagram notification, but his tired brain doesn’t register it at first let alone read it. “How much do you have left to do?” he questioned, curious. 

“Just one more thing, I promise,” Noor admitted, locking the ladder in place. “And, this one won’t take three hours.” 

Robbe let out a laugh, shaking his head, as his phone vibrated against his palm. However, this time, it’s a text message from Jens, which he quickly opened, wondering why Jens was awake now. 

_ I just checked your room and you’re still not home. _

_ Why are you still not home? _

_ Noor has been pretty focused. _

_ She’s finishing up now. _

_ Why are  _ you  _ still awake? _

_ Robbe, I know that I don’t need to tell you how sex works. _

_ Oh, Lucas is there? _

_ Tell him hi! _

_ He says hello and that he’ll see you in the morning.  _

_ When are you going to be home? _

_ Thirty minutes to an hour? _

_ Why? _

_ So I don’t think someone’s breaking in? _

_ Why would a burglar have a key? _

_ We’re going to bed.  _

_ Goodnight.  _

_ Be quiet when you two come in. _

_ We’ll be quiet. _

_ I hope you didn’t wake up Moyo. _

_ We didn’t.  _

_ Unlike someone (*cough* Moyo *cough*), we can be quiet.  _

Robbe let out a chuckle, glancing up when Noor’s boot tapped against his foot. She had pushed the ladder off to the side, exposing the entirety of the work. Her final touch had been a shooting star which was placed in the dead-center of the mural. He grinned at it. 

“Who’s still awake this late?” she questioned, placing the white cap back on the can. Robbe handed her the phone to show her the texts which she read through with a grin on her face. Robbe took the spray paint and placed it back in her bag with the other cans. Most of them were empty but Noor recycled them. Noor let out a laugh, her eyes scanning over the texts. 

“Noor?” 

The deep voice stirred both of their attention. Robbe glanced up, spotting the man standing behind him with a black hood over his head, obscuring his face in shadows. The man even had a black mask that covered his mouth, almost draping him completely in darkness and shadows. The only thing that stood out was his eyes but even those were partially obscured in the shadows. 

But, Noor seemed to recognize him, stepping forward and wrapping him in a hug. “Hey, how are you?” The man moved to respond, but Robbe’s phone vibrated in Noor’s hand, managed to get the attention of both of them. She glanced down, reading the screen, before handing the phone out to him.

Robbe’s breath knocked out of his throat at the sight of  _ Mama _ on the screen. “I’ll be right back,” Robbe promised Noor, taking the phone and stepping away. He vaguely registered that he paused to take his mask off as he moved to a section of the warehouse that hadn’t been touched tonight. “Hi Mama,” he spoke, right before a yawn escaped his mouth. 

_ “I’m sorry, Robbe,”  _ his mother spoke.  _ “I just realized what time it was. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” _

“You didn’t wake me up,” Robbe spoke quickly. He glanced around, unsure what to tell his mother about what he had actually been doing. Noor was talking to her friend that had walked up to them, but she glanced at him, worried. His friends, including Noor, had been waiting as anxiously as he was for news about his mother. “I was just studying for a test that I have on Monday. Time got away from me.”

His mother let out a breath of relief.  _ “That’s good. I meant to call you earlier, but I guess I must’ve fallen asleep without realizing it. How has the apartment been? Are the boys taking care of you?” _

Robbe smiled. “Yeah, they are. How are you feeling?”

_ “I’m good. The doctors think that I’ll only be in a couple of weeks this time. They were talking about how they’ll have to change my meds again,”  _ his mother spoke.  _ “Will you visit me while I’m in here?”  _

“Of course,” Robbe promised. “I will.” His mother let out a yawn. As much as Robbe didn’t want to get off the phone with his mother, he knew that she needed to get some sleep. “Mama, I’ve got to get to bed. I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?”

_ “Make it in the afternoon. I have a session with the doctor in the morning. I’ll ask when you can start visiting,”  _ his mother spoke, sounding sleepy. Even though she couldn’t see, Robbe found himself nodding his head anyways.  _ “Have a good night’s sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.” _

“I love you too,” Robbe replied before hearing the dial tone. He let out a breath that he didn’t realize that he was even holding. His mom was okay and safe. 

“Is everything okay with your mom? Why was she calling so late?” It was Noor, appearing at his side with a concerned plastered on her face. Her bag was thrown over her shoulder and his brown jacket was bundled up in her arms. He took it from her, slipping it over his shoulders, as he nodded his head. 

“Yeah, she’s okay,” Robbe informed her. Noor let out a breath of relief, running her hand through her hair as she turned back around. Robbe glanced where she was looking, only to find the boy wrapped up in the black hoodie, leather jacket, and a mask to be taking a picture of Noor’s mural. “She meant to call me earlier and had fallen asleep. She didn’t realize what time it was until after I picked up.” 

“That’s good,” Noor replied. She reached out to take his arm. “Let’s go home, yeah?”

“What about your mural?” he questioned. 

Noor pointed a finger to the guy taking photos. “He’s going to print it out for me. He’s got a studio for everything that he’s into. I’ll get it sometime in the week.”

“Alright, let’s go home.” Robbe laughed, letting her pull him from the warehouse. As the two of them left arm-in-arm, the two talked about Robbe’s mom had talked to him about, unaware of the green eyes that staring at their backs.

It’s only later in the morning after Robbe is woken up to the sounds of Jens talking with Moyo in the kitchen, talking about making another vlog, after Robbe had groggily walked in on the two conversing over the coffee pot with a sleepy Noor at the table, that he realized that he had never checked the Instagram notification. As his roommates bickered and Noor sipped on her coffee, Robbe checked his phone. 

_ earthlingoddity has added to his story _

It was a simple black picture, not showing anything other than a faint outline of where the platinum-haired man was vaguely standing. There was white text across the screen, diagonal and slanted:  _ Do you ever see someone and just know they’re the one? _

…

When Moyo and Noor were finally able to have their anniversary celebration that weekend, the rest of the boys had vacated the apartment, leaving it to the happy couple of four years. Jens had hopped on the train to visit Lucas at his flat. Aaron had an exclusive party to go to Amber’s house. Robbe had wandered a bit where he could end up going, but he decided on texting Milan and ask if he could stay in the spare bedroom (which had been empty since Zoë had moved out). With Lisa out of the house with party plans and no third roommate, the two of them had the living room for the night and a bottle of alcohol passed between them. 

“How’s school?” Milan questioned. 

“Almost done,” Robbe admitted, letting out a sigh. His eyes flickered around the room, catching all the empty places where Zoë’s things once were.

“And?” Milan pressed. 

“And what?”

“Are there any cute boys?” Robbe chuckled, shaking his head. “Don’t give me that look. As your gay-guru, I have the right to make sure that you are properly satisfied.” 

Robbe barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “There’s no one. I’m afraid that Jens is getting more action than I am right now. I think I’ve actually seen his boyfriend more than I’ve been seeing someone,” Robbe replied. 

“So no one? Not even one night flings?”

Robbe shrugged. There were a couple of one-night flings that he had over the years, but it had been a while since he had one himself. “Not for a bit.” 

“Well, you’re boring,” Milan deadpanned. 

Robbe scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “But, what about you, Milan? Have you finally decided to ask out that guy from the coffee shop or are beating you around the bush because you don’t want to get hurt?” 

Milan looked offended, holding his hand over his chest. “Excuse you, baby Robbe? As your gay-guru, you have no right to speak to me like that,” he started before the older man descended into laughter, almost falling off of the couch. He straightened up, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I’m just waiting to make my move.”

“At a snail’s pace,” Robbe teased. Milan let out a gasp, getting up to go into the kitchen and fetch another bottle of vodka or wine. Whatever Milan decided. His phone buzzed in his lap and he glanced at it with a curious gaze. There was an Instagram notification from Noor ( _ noor.bauwens has tagged you in a post _ ) and Robbe was smiling before he had even opened the post. 

The post was simply a photo of Noor with Moyo in their apartment kitchen. Moyo was sitting in a chair, pressing a kiss to Noor’s cheek as she sat perched on his lap, her arms curled around his neck and one hand on his cheek. The framed photo of her spray painting masterpiece was being held up on both of them, partially cut off by the Instagram photo restrictions. The frame itself had been larger than Robbe had been expecting, but it could’ve easily been hung above their bed. Robbe was certain that he would be able to see it in person once he was able to go back into his apartment tomorrow morning (or afternoon, depending on how long his tequila/wine-induced hangover lasted). 

**_noor.bauwens:_ ** _ happy anniversary, my love. here’s to many more years and moments together. special thanks to @sterkerdanijzer for keeping me company while I stayed up too late to finish and to @earthlingoddity for taking the photo of my gift and framing it (and the photo credit) love you both <3 _

Wait… Robbe thought, his eyes staring at the second username tagged. Since when did Noor know him? Had she known him the entire time?

“Aww,” Milan had returned, leaning over Robbe’s shoulder and placing the bottle of wine on the table. The smaller boy jumped with a start and his friend gave him an apologetic grin. “That’s adorable. And, that’s a beautiful picture. Is that the mural that she dragged you to the warehouse to do?” 

“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing in person too,” Robbe replied, shaking his head. He posted a comment beneath the photo. 

**_sterkerdanijzer:_ ** _ glad to help; love you two <3 @noor.bauwens _

“Oh? Maybe she’ll show me one day,” Milan spoke. “Want some wine?” Robbe gladly extended his glass to be filled before announcing that he had to go to the bathroom before they started the next episode. Milan had laughed, pouring his glass and Robbe had run off, sliding down the hall and forgetting his phone in the living room. As Robbe headed back into the living room, Milan shouted, “Hey, who’s earthlingoddity?”

“Huh?” Robbe questioned, stepping into the living room. The older man was sitting on the couch, his glass of wine in one hand and Robbe’s phone in the other with his legs curled beneath him. Robbe felt his eyes roll in his head. That’s what he gets for leaving his phone unattended with Milan in the room. As Robbe passed him, he snatched his phone from Milan’s grasp. “Milan, when we were roommates, you promised that you would stop looking through my phone.” 

Milan rolled his eyes, pulling up his phone and typing into the search bar. “Jokes on you, I can still find out who he is,” Milan teased. Robbe rolled his eyes, moving to start the next episode as he tucked his phone between his thigh and the couch. “Oh, he’s  _ cute _ ,” Milan spoke up, scrolling through his Instagram. “And, it looks like he’s quite popular. Wait, is this that Instagram guy you have a crush on?”

Robbe rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I  _ don’t  _ have a crush on him. He’s an influential Instagram profile that just so happens to have a lot of interesting art.”

(It’s a lie, of course, because Robbe  _ definitely  _ has a crush on him, in the completely unattainable celebrity-crush kind of way.)

“Well,” Milan spoke, locking his phone and putting it down on the couch between them. “Well, either way, he followed you on Instagram.” 

“Huh?” Robbe blinked, his brain short-circuiting. There was no way in any universe that Sander,  _ earthlingoddity _ , whichever you wanted to call him by, would follow  _ Robbe  _ of all people. Robbe wasn’t anything interesting, mostly being tagged in posts by his friends and random stuff with the boys. “What are you talking about?” 

Milan didn’t even glance away from the television as he took a sip of wine. “Robbe, did you even  _ look  _ at the notification?” 

Robbe pulled his phone out from between his thigh and the couch, pressing the lock button. There were a number of Instagram notifications now. There were a handful of comments and likes from their friends and family members. There was even a comment from Moyo’s mom, who had spent the better part of the past four years mumbling to Robbe that Noor was going to be her daughter-in-law someday. Robbe scrolled through the notifications until he found the one that Milan had mentioned. 

_ earthlingoddity started following you _

As Robbe settled back into the couch, he felt a smile grow on his face. 

“Was I wrong?” Milan questioned, leaning towards him. 

Robbe scoffed, pink growing on his cheeks as he ducked his head. “Shut up.” 

Milan grinned, bright and toothy. “You  _ do  _ have a crush on him!” 

“Shut up, Milan!” 

…

_ earthlingoddity sent you a message _

Robbe didn’t know why he was so nervous, his thumb hovering over the notification. He knew that he was acting like a kid with an intense crush on a boy, his first real crush, and the very thought was ridiculous because Robbe had crushes before. Robbe had boyfriends before. Hell, Robbe had one-night stands that ended with him leaving in the dead of night, nervously trying to leave quietly so he wouldn’t be caught. He had experience with guys. So,  _ why  _ was he so nervous about a simple Instagram message?

Robbe didn’t know but it was beyond frustrating that this man, someone who Robbe had never even met before and had spent far too much time staring at his photos and his live-streams, had managed to have such a profound impact on him in such a short span of time. 

Pushing up from his bed, the topic of his essay forgotten and his mathematical proof half-finished, Robbe crossed his legs beneath him and nervously fiddled with his hair. He realized how ridiculous he was being. It wasn’t like Sander could see him through the camera of his phone. It was just a simple Instagram message. In fact, it probably had to do with Noor’s photo. 

Yeah, that’s all it was, Robbe decided, finally opening the message. 

That wasn’t what it was. 

_ You’re so beautiful. _

_ I’m such a fan. _

Robbe’s cheeks flushed as he stared down at the message, trying to figure out what to say in response. The first response that pops into Robbe’s mind is  _ have you seen yourself?  _ But, even though it was wholeheartedly true, Robbe decided quickly that he did not want to send that message. He did not want to have to admit how much time he’s looked at the selfies that Sander had posted a little too long since Robbe had started following him.

So, instead, he decided to answer the second half of his text.

_ You’re a fan? I literally check your Instagram every day. _

Shit.

_ I mean… like I see you on my feed every day.  _

_ Please don’t take that a weird way. _

Robbe spent the next couple of minutes, nervously tapping at his phone and refreshing the conversation. He could see that Sander was still online and there were nerves vibrating throughout every fiber of his being. His phone buzzed, bringing him back to the conversation. 

_ God, you’re so adorable :) _

Robbe exhaled a breath of relief, his cheeks growing hotter by the second, and ran a hand through his hair as another message popped up. 

_ So, you’re a fan of mine? _

_ Yeah. _

_ Do you listen to David Bowie? _

_ Yes, I listen to your Bowie playlist all the time. _

God, Robbe thought, running his hand across his face and letting out a groan. The man must think that Robbe was a stalker or something, listening to his playlist and following his Spotify as well as basically stalking him on Instagram. His chat had flickered offline after he had sent his last message so Robbe knew that he hadn’t seen the message quite yet. Once his eyes had caught sight of the green bubble beside his profile picture, indicating that he had returned online, Robbe quickly added:

_ It’s a good playlist. _

_ Oh really? I’m glad you like it. _

_ It’s only the beginner playlist. _

_ The beginner playlist? _

_ When do I get permission to listen to the advanced set? _

_ When you pass your first exam. _

_ Oh? Is it difficult? _

_ Extremely. _

_ That’s going to be a lot of studying. _

There’s a shout from Noor down the hall before the door to his bedroom was opening. Glancing at him, she blinked in surprise and Robbe glanced around. He was in the midst of all his books and notebooks from class, spread out around him like a disorganized tornado of papers and notes. She leaned against the door frame to his room and tilted her head, “How’s studying for your tests going?” 

“Non-existant,” Robbe admitted, locking his screen as she stepped into his room. He made space on his bed for her to sit down and she flopped down on his bed, crossing her feet beneath her. “What’s up?”

“What are you doing tonight?” she questioned. 

“Lucas and I talked about trying to figure out what to do for Jens’ birthday in a couple of months,” Robbe admitted, quietly despite the fact that he knew that Jens hadn’t been home yet. “Jens is going to his weekly dinner with his dad so it’s the only time that we’ll get the time to have an idea. Why?” 

“Britt’s been bugging me about going to dinner,” Noor admitted. 

“Britt?” Robbe questioned. “I thought you guys stopped talking years ago?” 

“Yeah, we did,” Noor replied, shrugging her shoulders as she looked over a sketch he made in the margins of his notes. “But, she messaged me the other day. I wanted to make amends or something. So, Moyo and I are going to meet her and her friend to hang out and catch up.” 

“And you’re asking me? Even with our history, Britt and I never really got along. I am Jens’ best friend so when the two of them broke up, I basically became scum of the Earth,” Robbe replied, shrugging his shoulders. “Then, it was only amplified when the two of us broke up.” 

Noor shrugged her shoulders. “While all completely true, I was thinking that you might come by and pick up Moyo and make some excuse for him to leave,” Noor admitted, turning towards him. “Britt never really cared for Moyo either and I don’t want him to have to be at a dinner where someone doesn’t want him there.”

“I want to be there,” Moyo spoke up, entering Robbe’s bedroom. The man was carrying a large plastic bag filled with cereal and was eating out of it. He stepped closer to Noor, who turned to him. “She’s your friend.”

“I know,” Noor admitted, reaching up to touch his hand. “But, I also know how she can get. Plus, she’s never been too keen on my boyfriends anyways. When I mentioned to her that we had gone a date the first time, I thought she was going to faint. The last thing I want is for you to be caught in the crossfire.” 

“I could show up and make an excuse to get you  _ both  _ out of there,” Robbe supplied. 

“That might work if the date ends up going badly that is. We’ll see,” Noor admitted, glancing at Robbe. “Britt and I were never really good at double dates.”

The front door slammed, followed by hasty movements. The shuffling continued down the hallway, towards them, until Jens appeared in the doorframe with Lucas’s lips pressed against his neck and his hand under his boyfriend’s shirt. After Robbe’s best friend spotted them, he stopped outside the door as Robbe was already reaching for his headphones on his nightstand. 

Jens glanced at them, a threatening look on his face as his eyes flickered between all of them, “Consider this a ten-minute warning to vacate the apartment or your complaints are invalid.” Lucas laughed before Jens is backing them into the latter’s bedroom across the hall, slamming the door behind him. 

Noor was already moving to get up, grabbing Moyo’s hand and leaving. “I’ll text you the restaurant,” Noor spoke. “I’m sure one of us will let you know when we’re ready for you to make an excuse. If it decides to happen at all.” Robbe nodded his head, giving her a thumbs-up as she closed the door to his bedroom. He turned his attention to connecting his headphones to his phone, starting up the music as soon as it was connected. Once the music had started wafting through the speakers, effectively blocking out any noise around him, Robbe turned back to his notes. 

His phone vibrated, remind him with a start and pulling him back fully to his phone, his homework abandoned once again. 

Sander. 

_ Who knows? Maybe you might be able to bribe the teacher. _

Robbe smiled, his stomach churning in knots. It might’ve been a while since Robbe had been interested in a guy, and it might’ve been through text message, but this entire exchange felt like flirting. He almost wished that they were face-to-face so that way Robbe would know for sure. 

_ Should I dare to take that risk? _

_ I’ll give you some advice later tonight. _

_ If you want. _

Robbe’s heart thumped in his chest, wishing that he didn’t have plans with Lucas (and possibly Aaron) for Jens’ party or possible plans with Noor and Moyo. But, he knew that they needed to work on the party, or at least have an idea, since they would have a limited amount of time to put it all together. So, he typed out his response.

_ I’d love to, but I have plans tonight.  _

_ Ah, okay.  _

_ Tomorrow? _

Robbe couldn’t keep the grin off his face, biting down on his bottom lip in an attempt to smother it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In continuation of my "Distracting" final note: I definitely have a problem now. 
> 
> Concept: The Broooers are a famous YouTube vlog channel located in Antwerp that updates weekly and Sander has a crush on the brunet boy that has a wide range of facial expressions.


	2. I Can't Believe It's Only Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, left a kudos, or read this story. It means the absolute world to me that you guys like this story enough to do so! Just getting hits and kudos means a ton, so the amount of love that I've gotten in reviews or comments has meant the actual world to me! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Note: Chapter Title credited to the s03e04 crack video by Bethany Grace where there's a montage of the events from Wednesday from episode 4 with the chorus over it. And, I couldn't just NOT use it.

After Noor had left and his headphones been placed on his head, music pumping into his ears to block out the sounds of his best friend and the moans of his best friend’s boyfriend from across the hall, Robbe had hoped to get back to study, or at the _very least_ finish his proof, but neither of them seemed to be happening with Robbe checking his phone at every opportunity that he could. Robbe knew that Sander was out with some friends, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to keep texting him to help him believe that it was all still real, that Sander had texted _him_ of all the people. 

_You’re so beautiful_. 

The text rang through his head, making him grin like an idiot. Lucas returned into the room, now wearing sweats and one of Jens’ shirts, looking fucked out and sleepy. Robbe raised an eyebrow, pushing down his headphones and hiding his phone. “Feel better?” he questioned.

“Absolutely,” Lucas mumbled, lightly sitting on the edge of the bed. “I was having a shitty day. Feel much better now that I got some frustrations out.” Robbe barked out a laugh, shaking his head.

Jens appeared, fully dressed and crossing the room to where they were sitting. 

“Take good care of him,” Jens spoke, looking directly to Robbe. Even though he knew that Lucas could take care of himself (and that his best friend had been the direct cause as to why the boy was a bit hazy), the brunet nodded his head all the same. “I’ll be back after dinner with Dad,” the comment was directed toward Lucas, who nodded and tilted his head up for a kiss. Jens obliged, pressing his lips against Lucas’ before he left the apartment. 

“So,” Lucas spoke up after their apartment door had slammed shut. The blond’s hair was crazy and wild, but he didn’t move to straighten it and Robbe didn’t point it out, “What’s the plan for Jens’ party? Got any ideas?”

Robbe shook his head. “You?”

Lucas let out a sigh, crossing his legs beneath him. “This is going to be a long process then.” 

After nearly two hours of trying (and failing) to nail down a single item that they could do, the two of them were headed out to get a second opinion on what they should do. Aaron still hadn’t arrived home and they couldn’t exactly go to Jens for his _own_ birthday (at least, not yet). Lucas was upset that he had to change out of his sweats and Jens’ t-shirt. Robbe had replied that he didn’t have to change, but Lucas had changed back into the clothes that he had arrived in. 

Despite not receiving a _help_ message from either one, the two of them arrived at the bar with the intention of getting their help on the opinions for the party. Noor had texted him the address before they had even left the apartment and they hadn’t replied much to Robbe’s texts which let him know that they were at least having a good time (though, Moyo did manage to get a text out about how Britt and her “friend” seemed to be arguing).

The bar was slightly packed. There was enough room to move around, enough room to filter through the groups with relative ease, but not enough to have an accurate idea of where they should be going to find the two that they had come looking for. Robbe noticed that there was a group of giggling girls near the front, surrounding someone, but Lucas tapped his shoulder before he could take much more of a look at the group. 

“They’re back there,” Lucas muttered, pointing towards the back of the bar. 

Lucas was much taller than Robbe so he would be able to see where Robbe was blocked by the back of people’s heads. “I trust you,” Robbe replied, moving towards where Lucas had pointed. 

He spotted the back of Moyo’s head before Noor, who had still been partially blocked by people. Moyo’s hand was rubbing her back and the two of them were listening to Britt. The girl looked exactly the same, blonde-haired and beautiful. Her eyes flickered up to Robbe, the indifference briefly crossing her face, moments before Robbe wrapped his arms around Moyo’s shoulders, placing his chin against his shoulder. 

His friend jumped but stilled at the sight of Robbe on his shoulder. Realizing what was happening, Noor let out a melodious laugh as she turned towards them. She spotted Lucas behind him and grinned at him, reaching out to pet his arm. “Fuck, Robbe,” Moyo hissed, relaxing.

“Whatcha on edge for?” Robbe spoke, rocking them slightly. There was a point in time that Robbe couldn’t have even hugged Moyo without him pulling back or making some crude comment. After Robbe had come out and their friendship hit rock bottom, Moyo accepted Robbe and tried to be a better friend and their friendship was stronger than it had been before. “Hi, Britt,” Robbe greeted the blonde. There was an empty chair beside her with a leather jacket draped across the back. 

“Hi, Robbe,” Britt mumbled. 

“This is Lucas VDH,” Robbe introduced, pointing to Lucas who waved. 

Moyo turned, taking Robbe with him and pointed at his hair, which he had yet to fix back to his normal style of excellence. “How are you feeling? Your hair seems to have somehow managed craft to another tier on the scale of your sex hair.” The blonde grinned, running a hand through his curls.

“Back on topic,” Robbe spoke. 

“What is the topic exactly?” Noor questioned Robbe before turning towards Lucas. He glanced at her in surprise as she held up a compact of makeup. “I’ve got makeup if you want to cover up the marks. Your neck looks like you’ve been bitten half-a-dozen times by a ferocious leech that went overboard.” 

“Nah,” Lucas replied, crossing his arms. “Maybe, it’ll deter girls from actually hitting on me.”

“Oh,” Britt spoke up, eyes flickering between Robbe and Lucas. “Are you two together?”

Robbe shook his head. “Nah, we’re not dating. Unless Jens is out of town and Lucas is wearing eyeliner, then we technically are and only by saying we’re boyfriends. I would never do that to him and, to be fair, Lucas goes right along with it. Jens thinks that eyeliner makes Lucas look a little too irresistible.” 

“And, yet, he wonders why I wear it,” Lucas muttered, beneath his breath. Robbe and Moyo burst into laughter. Noor laughed as well, shaking her head as she ran her hands through her hair. 

There was a look on Britt’s face, one that feels like a need to belong which Robbe used to feel so many times over the years, as Noor spoke up, waving her hands to cut through the conversation, “Boys, what are you two even doing here?” 

“We need a second opinion,” Robbe replied. 

“On what?” Noor giggled. 

“The birthday party,” Moyo guessed. Robbe nodded his head and the man laughed, sitting up and out of Robbe’s arms as he turned towards them. Robbe propped his arms on the back of Moyo’s chair as the latter’s brown eyes darted between the two of them. “Seriously? The two of you are the two most important men in his life and neither of you can come up with one idea for his party.”

“We’ve come up with _several_ ideas,” Robbe remarked, placing his chin into the palm of his hand. “The two of us just can’t agree on one hence the reason we’re here and being bad friends that are interrupting your hangout to talk about a birthday party that’s a month away because we need to figure it out. Between now and then, we’re only getting four Wednesdays!”

“Three,” Lucas corrected. 

“Three?” 

“Yeah, his father’s going out of town next Wednesday so they won’t be having dinner next week.”

“Three Wednesdays!” 

“Okay, okay,” Moyo spoke, laughing, as Noor chuckled beside him, trying to hide behind her hand. “We get it. We get it. What ideas have you come up with for the party?”

“Party?” a foreign voice spoke, behind Robbe. The group turned to stare at the person that was standing behind Robbe. The brunet glanced over his shoulder and his breath caught in his throat once he saw _who_ it was. Sander who had his bright green eyes focused solely on Robbe, paying the rest of his friends and Britt no heed. Sander, who _definitely_ looked so much more beautiful and handsome an arm’s length away from Robbe than in his perfectly edited pictures. Robbe swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. There’s a glint in Sander’s eye like he knew the effect that he had on Robbe. “What party are we talking about here?” he questioned, glancing briefly around the table. His eyes flickered over to Lucas. “What the hell happened to your neck?”

“My boyfriend, Jens,” Lucas admitted. 

“And it’s his birthday party that we’re trying to plan for,” Moyo replied. 

“Robbe, Lucas,” it was Britt, effectively cutting through the conversation. The two boys turned back to the blonde, who was perched at the edge of her stool looking a little lost. Her eyes glanced between them. “This is my boyfriend, Sander.” Robbe’s eyes went wide, dread forming in his stomach. Boyfriend? Robbe glanced back to Sander, who has an unreadable expression that was different from the expressive one that he had seconds ago. “Sander, this is-”

“Let me guess, Robbe, Lucas,” Sander spoke, his voice harsh and as cold as steel. His green eyes were focused solely on Britt, his expression unpassive. “I’m not your boyfriend, Britt, so quit trying to introduce me as such. I told you that last week and so many times in the last month since I broke up with you. I’ve told you that every time you’ve called to see if I wanted to come to this dinner. I only came here tonight to see Noor who I’ve known longer than I’ve known you. I’m not your boyfriend.” 

Sander stepped forward, past Robbe to hug Noor and press a kiss to her cheek. 

“Excuse me,” Sander spoke, grabbing his leather jacket and leaving. As he passed Robbe, their eyes connected and Robbe watched him go, past the gaggle of girls who tried to get his attention

Britt let out a huff of frustration, standing on her feet and collecting her things to follow after him. “Act fucking normal!” Robbe heard her shout before the door was slammed closed, quieting the bar for only a brief moment. 

There was a buzz in his pocket but the brunet didn’t pull it out quite yet. The group was still quiet, still trying to comprehend what had happened in front of them, and Lucas glanced over Robbe’s shoulder in the direction of the door. Robbe had been on the receiving end of Britt’s anger on at least one occasion, back when they went to the same school and the boy had broken up with Noor. He felt bad for Sander especially since it seemed like Britt wouldn’t let him break up with her. 

“He doesn’t normally act like this,” Noor spoke up, breaking the silence. Robbe glanced up at her, finding her eyes on him. “Britt has been trying to act like they’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend all night. He’s corrected her and shied away from her about fifteen times.”

Lucas nodded his head. “I guess he had enough,” he mumbled. 

There was another pause of silence. 

Despite the fact that Robbe’s mind was focused solely on the platinum blonde that had just stormed outside of the bar, he spoke up, eager to break the silence, “The party or get-together, whatever we decide to do. I was thinking minigolf.” There was a laugh from Noor, shaking her head. The girl was starting to get up from her seat and Moyo was following her lead, draining the remains of his beer and grabbing his coat. “What? Mini-golf could be fun!”

As Lucas shared his idea, Robbe glanced at his phone. His chest deflated a little seeing Aaron’s name as his eyes darted back over to the front door of the bar. Both Sander and Britt had disappeared from sight, leaving Robbe to wonder if they would hear their shouts once they stepped outside. 

_Where the hell is everyone at?_

_I know Jens was going to his dad but where are you and Moyo?_

_Be home soon. We’ll talk once we get home._

… 

On the walk home, Robbe had managed to convince Moyo that mini-golf would be a decent idea to do as a group. Despite living together, with school, work, and significant others, the four of them hadn’t been able to hang out as friends all together as much as they used to. But, that did little to determine what they were going to do as a large group of all their friends which had formed to be their second family. Once Moyo had asked Aaron what he thought, the curly-haired boy seemed thrilled by the prospect of going out with just the four of them.

“Ouch,” Lucas spoke, returning back, donning his sweats and Jens’ t-shirt again. He sat down on the counter and propped his feet up on the dining table. Moyo was in one of the other chairs, Noor sitting on his lap, and Aaron was leaning against the counter. “I see how you guys are. Why don’t you guys just kick me out of the apartment?” 

From his perch on the kitchen counter, Robbe laughed, crossing his legs beneath him. “We would never do that, Lucas,” he laughed. “We need you. You control Jens’ moods.”

Lucas turned to him, half-laughing. “Is that why you called me last month when he was pissed?” Robbe only shrugged in response. 

Robbe’s phone buzzed in his hands as Aaron joked about the one time that Lucas had come over to find Jens glaring daggers at him only for the black-haired man to completely turn around. The rest of Aaron’s story and the laughter from his friends was drowned out as Robbe read the notification that had popped up across his lock screen. _earthlingoddity has sent you a message_. His breath caught in his throat and his friends remained unaware as his thumb nervously slid it open. 

_I’m sorry about my outburst at the bar._

_I really wanted to make a good first impression._

Robbe smiled down at his phone. 

_It’s okay. I already had a good first impression of you._

_Well, in person… it’s different._

_How so?_

_Just is._

“Everything okay?”

Robbe jumped, his eyes flying up to Noor, who stepped to his left to place her empty glass in the sink. The boys were teasing Lucas, who had already gotten his cheeks flushed red as he tried to hide his face, but there was a knowing look in Noor’s eye. Still, Robbe swallowed and hid his phone against his leg, “Yeah, everything’s fine.” 

Noor raised an eyebrow, the smile growing on her face as she stared at him. “Who is he?” she questioned, her tone light so the other boys wouldn’t hear. 

Robbe let out a shaky breath, whispering, “I’ll let you know if it’s serious.” 

_If it’s real,_ lingers in his mind. 

Despite all of Sander’s flirtatious texts, there was doubt in Robbe’s mind. Sander was a famous Instagram personality with thousands upon thousands of followers (Robbe included) that waited anxiously for an update, including his fans in his life because that was just what he did. Robbe wasn’t another Instagram famous personality. He was just Robbe IJzermans and Sander could have anyone that he wanted. It didn’t feel real that someone as beautiful as Sander would look at Robbe, who was plain and hid in the shadows, and think _I want him_. 

Noor rubbed his shoulder before moving back to her spot in Moyo’s lap. 

His phone buzzed again.

_So… I know that we just saw each other._

_But, did you want to go out tonight?_

Robbe’s heart thumped. 

_Unless you have more plans?_

Truth to be told, Robbe _did_ have more plans. With his textbook and notes. 

It was Wednesday night. 

He had a test in his class tomorrow afternoon that he still needed to do a little studying for. Yasmina had already been texting him about their upcoming class project and they had plans to meet up after his test tomorrow for about an hour to get a general idea for what they wanted to do. But, none of that seemed to matter as Robbe’s thoughts lingered on Sander and his bleached hair and his black leather jacket.

By the time that Robbe had come to a decision, Robbe was back in the foyer of their apartment, his coat wrapped back over his shoulders, and his excuse had formed in his head as to why he was leaving again.

_What do you have in mind?_

_Meet me here ;)_

There was an address that followed next, a simple apartment complex. 

_Okay, I’m on my way._

_Should be about 15 minutes?_

_What are we doing?_

_You’ll see._

_See you soon, beautiful._

…

_I’m here._

Standing outside the apartment complex, Robbe released a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair, as he glanced towards the building behind him. The building was nothing special. It was a simple apartment building with dark brick and bright windows. The courtyard outside of the front door was meticulously maintained and there seemed to be an intercom system that allowed people in the courtyard, but he didn’t press any of the buttons. If Robbe hadn’t been sent the address to it, he might’ve blown right past it on his bike to head further downtown. 

His music that was pounding over his headphones dimmed suddenly, replaced by a slight ring, and it took him several seconds to realize that someone was calling, that _Sander_ had been the one calling him. Robbe hurried to answer the phone as he quickly tried to adjust his hair. 

Once the phone was answered, Sander’s entire profile took up the screen and Robbe breathed in through his nose as he stared. “Hey, cutie,” Sander greeted, beaming brightly. The bleach-blond was half-bent over his phone, seemingly working on something, before he was bouncing to his feet, taking his phone with him and moving around the apartment. 

“Hey,” Robbe responded shyly. 

Sander laughed and a bright grin that spread across his features which lit up his face. “I was right,” Sander declared, passing by a box as he moved around. He opened it with one hand and dug around for something before fetching out a pair of socks. “You’re even _more_ adorable in person.” 

Robbe bit down on his lip. “Are you moving?” he questioned, nodding towards the box that Sander was now leaning against. 

As Sander hobbled and put on his socks, he glanced towards the box before nodding his head. “Yeah, I just moved into a new place. I’ve been unpacking boxes all day, but you wouldn’t know it with how many are leftover in my living room. I guess you never really know how much stuff you have until you pack it all up and move.” Sander straightened up again and ran a hand through his hair, picking up the phone. “Maybe once I’m all moved in, I’ll bring you up and give you the grand tour.” 

Robbe blushed, biting down on his lip. 

“Would you like that?” Sander questioned, a teasing grin forming over his face as he moved through the apartment, putting some things into a plastic bag. 

“Sure,” Robbe replied, letting out a breath. 

“What is it?” the blond spoke up. 

“I’m nervous about meeting you tonight,” Robbe admitted, not fully realizing that he had admitted it out loud to Sander of all people. 

“I’m not,” Sander replied, shrugging his shoulders. He had tilted his head to the side and smiled at him, softer but just as bright and showing all of his teeth, somehow managing in one small gesture to make Robbe fall just a little bit harder, “I just can’t wait to talk to you in person. Well, _properly_ talk to you anyways like I wanted to before Britt decided to introduce me as her boyfriend.” 

Robbe wanted to ask about Britt, but he didn’t, unsure if it was because he didn’t want to upset anger or if it was because he was afraid to know the answer. 

There was a light tap on Robbe’s shoulder and he jumped. After his feet landed back on the floor, he turned to see Sander, leaning against the apartment complex’s iron gate and extending a plastic bag in Robbe’s direction. There was a teasing but sympathetic smile plastered on his face as he stared at Robbe, who pushed his headphones off his head. 

“I hope you drink gin-tonic or rum-coke,” Sander said, almost sheepishly. “It was the only thing other than cheap beer that I had in my fridge.”

Robbe smiled at him, pushing himself up from the wall and taking the bag. “I’m more a whiskey man,” he admitted, lightly as he pulled out a can of gin-tonic. Sander was watching him intently, a smile plastered across his face. Before Robbe had even registered thinking about what he might say to this gorgeous boy in front of him, the words were already out of his mouth, “That’ll be zero starts on booking.com.”

At his words, Sander smiled brightly, the kind of smile that looked like it might split his face in two. It was the kind of smile that Robbe wanted him to make again and against, repeatedly, all the time, (for the rest of his life). Sander’s bright green eyes flickered across Robbe’s entire body, down to his feet, back up to his face, everywhere in-between, before they stopped on his lips for a little too long to be a completely innocent gesture. 

Robbe’s insides turned to goo as he watched him. 

The “zero stars” had been a joke in Sander’s posts long before Robbe had actively followed the blonde, long before his crush had formed on a seemingly unattainable Instagram profile, and had been a long-standing joke in his live streams. The origin was lost on Robbe and the blond had never really explained it (to Robbe’s knowledge), but the famous user used it often and frequently. It was one of the mannerisms that Robbe had subconsciously picked up. On one occasion when Jens burnt food trying to make dinner for the stressed-out group one day, Robbe had found himself thinking “zero stars on booking” and was immediately frightened by this man’s effect on his thoughts. 

“I’ll let it slide,” Robbe added, grinning as he popped open the can. 

“You really are a fan of mine, aren’t you?” Sander spoke, sounding amazed and like he couldn’t really believe the matter himself. The left side of his mouth quirked a little bit higher on his face as the intensity of his gaze on Robbe’s lips increased. His green eyes returned to Robbe’s brown ones and his smile got brighter. “How did I manage to not find you sooner?” Robbe flushed and Sander raised his drink. “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” Robbe replied, unsure of what to say back and settled for a simple wink. Sander took a sip of his own drink before the former had raised his own aluminum can to his lips. The drink was good, better than the cheap beer that Robbe had long since grown accustomed to. After he took a drink, he found himself looking at the can, unable to look back up to Sander. He was nervous, both at the prospect of being alone with the man he had crushed on afar for so long and nervous that he was hoping something was where nothing actually was. 

“You know what I want?” Sander questioned, drawing Robbe’s attention back to him. There was a soft smile that had formed across his lips and his eyes were on Robbe with an intensity that made the brunet feel simultaneously alive, nervous, and brimming with desire in one coordinated swoop. The green orbs flickered down, but only slightly, and Robbe’s throat went dangerous dry when he noticed it. 

All the same, Sander’s smile was infectious and Robbe found himself copying it, trying to take a drink as he replied, “A real gin-tonic.”

“No,” Sander admitted, shaking his head. “Better.” 

Better sounded a lot like _You._

Sander’s eyes made an obvious sweep of Robbe, his eyes slower this time, dragging across Robbe like he was taking him all in, memorizing every curve. Robbe felt his breath catch in his throat, his mouth falling a bit open as he tried to find something to say. But, he couldn’t say anything in response, unable to get his brain to stop short-circuiting. So, he let his eyes drag down Sander instead, trying to replicate the interest that the blond was giving him, taking in how his leather jacket and jeans clung to his body. When Robbe’s eyes finally returned back to Sander’s face, he realized the blond had been watching him. 

But, Robbe realized as Sander bit down on his bottom lip, looking every bit as beautiful and breath-taking as he did in that bar, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

Sander backed up away from Robbe and blindly reached for another bike on the rack, nearly knocking it and his drink over. “Come, we’re leaving,” Sander announced, keeping his can level as he straightened his bike, undoing the lock quickly. Putting the lock in his pocket, Sander swung his leg over the bike, standing it up once he was fully on. 

Robbe smiled, watching him. “What’s the plan?” 

“Just come,” Sander replied, moving away from him and beginning to pedal. 

Robbe followed after him. “Sander.”

“Come,” Sander replied, tilting his head. 

“What are we going to do?”

As the two of them pedaled towards their eventual destination, Robbe glanced over and found his companion’s green eyes connecting with his brown ones. “I know the perfect place not as populated.” There were only a handful of people on the street. Robbe’s stomach churned, wondering what was less populated than a handful of people on a dimly lit road.

...

Robbe didn’t have any clue about where they were.

The gin-tonics and the rum-cokes from Sander’s apartment were almost gone. Only one or two cans remained in the plastic bag that he had tied around his bike handle. The two of them biked to their heart’s content, having a race in a tunnel and whooping to hear their shouts bounce off the tiled wall. Robbe’s thighs were hurting from how much that they were biking, but he couldn’t force himself to stop. And, frankly, he wasn’t for sure he wanted to. He didn’t know what time it was or where the blond was leading him, but Robbe was certain that he hadn’t felt like this in years, not since Nick, not since Robbe had screwed up with the first guy he would ever admit to liking. 

The sidewalk they were on now wasn’t populated at all, just the two of them and their bikes. Tall, metal street lamps lit their path and Robbe weaved in an out of them, gingerly, careful to stay out of Sander’s path or the two of them would be hitting the pavement. “There it is,” Sander spoke, nodding along the path. Robbe looked, but the only thing he could see was a building with dark wood paneling and a simple wooden door. 

As the building got closer, Sander slowed down, climbing off his bike and promptly depositing it against the bushes. Robbe followed behind him, cautiously slowing down but not dismounting his bike quite yet. Sander moved towards the door, pulling something from his jacket pocket, and Robbe watched him, taking mild advantage of the fact that his back was facing him, unobstructed. 

“Sander,” Robbe spoke. “What are we doing here?”

Sander turned to look at him, looking over his shoulder with his hands still on the door. Despite the lack of light outside the door, Robbe could make out the mischevious smile plastered on Sander’s face. Robbe climbed off his bike, setting it against the ground and Sander let out a quiet, “Shhh, I’m concentrating.”

“Sander.”

“Give me a sec.” 

Nervous, Robbe glanced around, shoving his hands into his pockets. There was no one on the sidewalk or on the nearby street. In fact, Robbe wasn’t for sure the last time he had even _seen_ another person. Because of the low lightning around the door and around them, he wasn’t even for sure if the security camera would be able to make out either one of their faces. 

“Come on, Sander,” Robbe started. “What if someone sees us and calls the police?”

There was a click and Sander turned towards him triumphantly, pulling the white door open. The blond started stepping backward into darkness and Robbe couldn’t help the grin on his face as a thrill ran up his spine. 

“How did you do that?” Robbe questioned. 

A smug smirk worked its way onto Sander’s face, somehow making him look even _more_ beautiful which Robbe had believed was physically impossible. “You should know that I’m full of surprises, Robbe,” Sander spoke, extending his hand towards him and pulling out his phone with the other. 

“Fuck, Sander,” Robbe whispered, eyeing his hand. The blond rolled his eyes, reaching out and taking Robbe’s smaller hand in his own. Sander laced their fingers together swiftly and without blinking before he pulled Robbe inside, into the darkness and into the unknown. The white door closed behind them. Robbe expected to hear an alarm, but it never came. Sander’s hand was wound tightly around his own, warm and comforting, guiding him to their destination with only the flash from Sander’s phone to illuminate their surroundings. 

“Watch your step,” the blond whispered, turning to him as he guided him up the stairs. 

Sander’s words brushed across Robbe’s cheekbone, making him shiver without realizing it. Sander’s hand squeezed his own, sliding the pad of his thumb across Robbe’s knuckles and leaving the skin burning in his wake. Robbe squeezed his hand back, eyeing the outline of Sander’s shoulder moving as he carved through the darkness, pulling Robbe alone with him. As they walked further and then up a flight of stairs, Robbe tried to question where they were, but every attempt was simply answered with “Come” from the owner of the hand intertwined with his. 

At the top of the stairs, Sander turned towards him, extending his other hand to show Robbe where the blond had led him all this way.

It was a pool, large and spanning the entirety of the area in front of them. The other side of the pool seemed to be the main entrance under typical, normal operating hours. As Robbe took it all in (and tried to figure out why Sander, of all people, had led him to a pool that was likely closed down for the winter months), Sander let go of Robbe’s hand and it dropped back to his side. 

“Fuck,” Robbe whispered, turning to Sander. 

Only, Sander was taking off his jacket. “Come,” the blond spoke, depositing his jacket to the floor and bending down to unlace the Doc Martens that he had put on. 

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think?”

“Sander, it’s fucking cold!” 

“Yes, it’s freezing cold,” Sander replied, kicking off his boots. With the laces free, the boots clattered off of his feet and tumbled onto the ground. Sander’s hands went to the hem of his t-shirt, slipping the black fabric up and over his shoulders. Involuntarily (or completely voluntarily, Robbe was not for sure because his brain was on the verge of short-circuiting), Robbe dragged his eyes over Sander’s lean torso, his eyes finding the black tattoo inked on his chest, that had now been exposed to him. When Robbe glanced back up to Sander’s face, there was a smirk on his lips and Robbe’s cheeks ignited into a fierce blush as he looked away. “Like what you see?”

Robbe felt like he didn’t need to answer that question. “What are you even doing?”

“Going for a swim,” Sander spoke, matter-of-factly. His hands were fumbling with his belt and Robbe kept his eyes pointed squarely at Sander’s face. “Now, come on.” 

Robbe let out a sigh, taking off his own jacket and dropping it to the ground. Next, Robbe kicked off his shoes, placing them beside his jacket and stuffed his socks into them. With the sole exception of his jeans which he was attempting to get over his ankles, Sander was completely stripped down to his briefs. Robbe still remained in his jeans and sweater, watching amused as Sander hobbled on one foot, trying his best to get the skinny jeans off his ankle. 

Robbe let out a slight exhale. 

Were they really doing this? Getting undressed down to their briefs to swim in a pool that they shouldn’t even be in? Robbe bit down on his lip, trying to calm his nerves. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. Robbe had been a surfer for years, but he wore all of his clothes a size too big for a reason. Being exposed in front of Sander was nerve-wracking, more so than he had ever thought so before. He had the same problem with his previous boyfriends.

“Fuck, I’m already cold,” Sander hissed off to his left. Robbe glanced over, spotting Sander discarding his skinny jeans off to the side and hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his briefs. 

Robbe’s mouth fell open in shock, briefly lost for words as his brain short-circuited yet again (which seemed to be a common theme with Sander) and his eyes followed his movements. Robbe swallowed, his mouth and throat impossibly dry, and he managed to choke out, “Fuck, Sander, don’t.”

But Sander was already jumping in the pool, resurfacing a couple of seconds later and pushing back the blond strands of hair that had fallen against his forehead. “It’s amazing, I promise,” Sander boasted, turning to look at Robbe, who was still fully dressed and playing with the hem of his sweater. “Come,” Sander urged. Robbe shook his head, wrapping his arms around his upper body as he watched Sander bob towards the edge of the pool to stare up at him. “Come on.” 

“Fuck no,” Robbe stated.

“Come.”

“No!” Sander raised an eyebrow and Robbe shook his head, smiling, physically unable to stop. “No.” 

“Come,” Sander repeated. There was a grin on his face and Sander had stopped being shy about the fact that he was blatantly checking out Robbe frequently. “There’s no one here but me. The cameras don’t even work anymore.”

“And how do you know that?”

“I’ve been here a couple of times.”

“Oh, so you do this with everyone?” Robbe stated, mostly teasing. However, he was fully aware of the hot flash of jealousy that ripped through his entire body. 

“No,” Sander spoke, his voice certain and steady. “Just you.” Robbe sucked in a breath, running a hand through his hair and biting down on his lip. “Come.” 

Robbe let out a sigh, closing his eyes as he ran his hands through his hair. There was a smile on his face, one that might’ve snapped his face in two if he wasn’t careful. There was a giddiness in his mind that he couldn’t possibly escape and nervous anticipation in his stomach that had been bubbling and festering from the moment that _earthlingoddity has followed you_ appeared on his screen. Robbe didn’t know whether he should be thoroughly thrilled or absolutely terrified. 

But, either way, Robbe hooked his hands at the hem of his sweater and took it off, depositing the fabric on the floor with his jacket. He didn’t have to look up to know that Sander’s eyes were following him the entire time, dragging across his skin and his abs like the blond’s life depended on it. Sander’s gaze was heavy and Robbe glanced up to meet his eyes as he undid his shoes, the intensity from their gazes crackled the air around them. Robbe quickly undid his belt, leaving it in the belt loops, and hook his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans. 

He hesitated, the options weighing in his head. It would be so easy to just jump in the pool before Sander could tease him about his hesitation. It’s not like he didn’t want to (because trust him, he _really_ wanted to) but Sander spotted his hesitation and spoke up, “Hey. All the way or no way.” Robbe let out a shaky breath, his body vibrating with want, and Sander tilted his head towards the pool, a challenging look in his green eyes as he backed away from the edge. “Come.” 

Robbe breathed in, trying not to overthink as he pushed down his pants and briefs in one go. Then, he quickly stepped out of them before jumping into the water. The air bubbles from the jump ran along his body, fighting to get back to the surface, and he could vaguely hear the muffled sound of Sander moving in the water. Once the chill bit along his skin, Robbe’s feet found the pool floor, pushing to get to the surface. 

“Fuck, it’s cold!” Robbe exclaimed, trying to move around to get his body warmed up. He pushed his hair off his forehead as he did so. His body was quickly beginning to warm up and he heard Sander’s laughter somewhere behind him. He turned to see Sander, floating gracefully a couple of breaststrokes away from him. 

“It’s not that bad!” Sander exclaimed, laughing as he shook his head. “Can you even swim?”

“Fuck you,” Robbe laughed, splashing water in Sander’s direction. The edge of the splash hit him square in the face and Robbe felt bad, but Sander was laughing, shaking his head and shoving his hair back again. “I can swim better than you,” Robbe boasted. 

“Yeah? I don’t believe that at all.”

“I can easily swim to the other side, underwater.”

“Yeah?” Sander questioned, raising an eyebrow as he moved closer to Robbe. The brunet watched him carefully, his eyes trained on Sander’s face. There was a teasing look on his face, one that made his grin spread a little wider, and Robbe felt his own grin growing wider in response. “Okay. You know what, let’s turn this into a bet.”

“Okay.”

“See who can stay under the longest.”

“What does the winner get?”

“The winner gets to decide. So, that’ll be me.”

Robbe splashed him again. Because Sander had been closer, he got a higher amount of water splashed into his face but Sander was laughing all the same. “Fuck you,” Robbe stated, pride swelling in his throat. “I’m going to annihilate you.” 

“On three.” 

“And three.” 

The plunge back into the water was a lot easier this time around. Robbe’s body had finally adjusted to the cold temperature of the water, a fact that became more and more apparent the deeper that he sunk into the pool. Plus, as much as Sander had liked teasing him about his thrashing, it had helped his body warm up a little quicker. Robbe kept his eyes closed, lightly moving his hands to keep himself a safe distance beneath the surface of the water. In addition to protecting his eyes, Robbe knew that he didn’t need to be thinking about… _other_ things and he was already teetering the edge already. 

A hand brushed along his ribs. Robbe jerked back, his eyes flying open. 

Sander’s arm fell from where it had been stretched out, a determined look in his eye. Even underwater, the blond looked angelic and breath-taking (the latter of which was bad because Robbe wanted to keep his breath _in_ his mouth at the moment). His tattoo, a wolf inked over his heart, stood out along the pale skin of his chest. But, he didn't get to stare at the wolf much longer as Sander moved towards Robbe, his hair moving around him in the water and puffs of bubbles exhaling from his nose, making him look like some sort of water dragon. 

Sander’s hand stretched out, his thumb brushing across Robbe’s cheekbone, before he slid through the water, gracefully to brush his lips against Robbe’s, light and gentle. 

Despite the simple action of it all, Robbe’s entire body lit aflame at his touch, burning beneath the chill of the water. 

Robbe pulled back to look at Sander in the water, keeping his hands on the blond’s shoulders. There was a look in Sander’s eyes that Robbe identified. The majority of it was determination and confidence, everything that Sander always managed to portray. But, there was a brief look of vulnerability, the kind that Robbe felt as he got undressed at the edge of the pool, baring himself completely to someone who was practically a stranger to him. Robbe’s hand slid to the back of Sander’s head, cradling at the nape of his neck, and it’s not that hard to pull Sander back to him, connecting their mouths once again. 

Sander’s hand reached up, hooking at the back of his head, tangling his long fingers into Robbe’s hair, and his lips pressed heavily on Robbe’s lips. His skin lit aflame again, originating at Sander’s touch, and Robbe kicked off, shooting him back to the surface of the water and dragging Sander with him. Once they were finally above the waves, the kiss became more charged and frantic. Sander’s hand gripped tighter against his hair, clinging desperately to the strands of his hair and pulling him tighter against his chest. Robbe gasped in shock, cradling the back of Sander’s head and digging his fingernails into the skin of his forearm.

“I win,” Sander teased between their kiss. 

Robbe pulled back slightly. “Is this all that is?”

“Fuck no,” Sander replied, before _launching_ at Robbe, dragging their lips back together. Their teeth clanked together because of Sander’s enthusiasm, but Robbe didn’t mind, sinking against his skin. The blond clung to Robbe like a lifeline, his other hand balled into a fist on Robbe’s chest, and Robbe clung to Sander’s shoulder to keep himself grounded in his kiss. 

Sander’s mouth moved against Robbe’s, meeting him with every press of his lips. Sander’s tongue darted out of his lips, dragging across Robbe’s bottom lip before slipping into his mouth. The intruding tongue brushed against Robbe’s along the way and Sander chased after it, slipping tighter against Robbe’s body so there was no room between them. Robbe pulled back from Sander’s lips, trying to catch a breath and not far enough to create any real distance between them, before Sander’s hand was tilting his head upward again, crashing their lips together once again. 

Sander’s free hand cradled Robbe’s jaw, briefly and pulling him closer against his body. Their lips were getting more bruised as their kisses grew more heated, crackling with intensity. Their lips were beginning to taste less like pool water and more like each other again, melting together and pulling them closer. Though one of Sander’s hands had remained firmly in Robbe’s hair, his other hand alternating between keeping them floating and touching Robbe’s skin.

Sander pulled away and Robbe blinked up at him, trying to figure out why the older one had stopped. There was a clouded look of desire in Sander’s eyes, unmasked and untethered, and Robbe felt his mouth drop open in shock. Sander’s green eyes scanned Robbe’s face one more time, staring at him intently, his other hand dropping to his ribcage, before Sander was pulling him back in and kissing him with full force. 

Kissing Sander made Robbe forget everything around him. Sander’s hands on his back (and starting to move lower a millimeter at a time) made his head a little dizzy, their surroundings becoming increasingly hazier as their kisses went on, as he focused solely on the bleach-blond in front of him and the lips that were pressed against his own. Their kisses could’ve gone on forever, in this pool that Sander had broken into, getting more and more heated, until one of them was pinned to the side of the pool and everything shifted a little further. 

But, they didn't.

 _That’s_ when the lights came on. Sander pulled away and Robbe was left, slightly dazed. 

The shouts of the night guard pulled him back to reality, a string of curses escaping his mouth as they scrambled desperately out of the pool, collecting their clothes and fleeing. By something equivalent of a miracle, Robbe managed to get his pants partially secured around his waist before he had even made it to the stairs, his sweater partially shoved around his neck. His remaining articles of clothing, including his shoes, were tucked under his arm as he scrambled down the stairs, operating on instinct and shoving the white exit door open. 

Sander was right behind him, somehow dressed in his shirt, leather jacket, and briefs, and giggling like mad.

The two of them climbed on their bikes, partially dressed and clinging to the rest of their clothes, fleeing into the night. 

…

“Fuck,” Robbe gasped, ducking into an alleyway. The pedals of his bike had dug into the soles of his feet and he couldn’t ride all the way back to his apartment without putting his shoes on at the least. Plus, they needed to get properly dressed or else they would be stopped by someone asking why they were on a half-naked bike ride at nearly eleven. Sander followed him into the alleyway, getting off his bike, as Robbe pulled his sweater the rest of the way over his body. 

Sander’s bike clattered against the tiles and fought to get his skinny jeans back up his legs. The black fabric was clinging to his legs as he pulled them back up his legs. Despite the fact that they had managed to partially dry off in their flight from the pool, their clothes still managed to stick against their skin and Sander seemed to be getting the brunt of it all. Robbe’s jeans, which were a size too big, had been relatively free of pain, but that might’ve been the brunt of adrenaline as they fled from the nightguard. 

Sander slid his feet into his Docs, tying them up enough to keep them on his feet, and jumped up with a bright, stunning grin on his face. “That was fun.” 

Robbe chuckled, shaking his head as he returned his gaze back to putting on his shoes. 

“Oh, did you not have fun?” Sander questioned. Something in his voice caused Robbe to glance up, spotting the worried look that briefly broke through the boy’s shell of confidence. 

Robbe grinned at him, sensing his nervousness. “I had fun,” Robbe affirmed him. A small smile formed on Sander’s face as he took a step to where Robbe was leaning against the side of the building, finishing up tying his shoes. “Now, being chased out of the pool partially naked by a security guard in the middle of the night and trying to get dressed while not tripping, _that_ part was not fun but everything else was.” 

“Good,” Sander spoke, his eyes fitting down to Robbe’s lips. The brunet caught sight of Sander’s tongue darting out to wet his own lips and Robbe couldn’t help mirroring the motion. Sander grinned wildly and his eyes were heavy with an intensity that made heat pool in Robbe’s stomach. He leaned over Robbe, his hands braced on either side of Robbe’s head. Robbe tilted his head up to meet his. But, right before their lips _finally_ connected, Sander halted, glancing at him through his impossibly long eyelashes, “Can I collect my prize now?”

“Huh,” Robbe mumbled. 

“My prize for winning our bet,” Sander spoke, grinning. 

“You didn’t win. You _cheated_.” 

“You didn’t seem to be protesting,” Sander replied. 

Robbe rolled his eyes. “What did you choose for your prize then, you cheater?” 

Sander snorted, his nose scrunching up cutely as he placed his hands against Robbe’s chest. One of his hands moved to the nape of Robbe’s neck, curling themselves between the strands of Robbe’s hair, gripping onto them tightly. The other slid down Robbe’s chest, agonizingly slow and causing the brunet to breathe slowly until his hand settled against his waist. His green eyes were watching Robbe’s chest rise and fall with straggled breaths before they settled on his lips. 

“Sander,” Robbe whispered, reaching out to tug on the sleeve of his jacket to get him closer.

Sander hovered over his lips, whispering, “Tell me what you want.”

“Kiss me,” Robbe replied, sounding a little desperate as he attempted to pull him closer, gripping to the lapels of the jacket. “Kiss me rig-” 

Sander’s lips collided against Robbe’s swallowing the rest of his bargain. Robbe wound his right arm around his shoulders, pulling him tighter against him as Robbe clung desperately to the lapels of Sander’s signature leather jacket, unwilling to let it go now that it was in his hands. Sander attacked his lips hungrily and Robbe responded by catching his bottom lip between his teeth, lightly biting on the skin. Sander let out a moan a little too loud for a public area and Robbe grinned, pushing their lips together again. 

Somewhere between the mesh of their bodies, Robbe’s phone rang shrilly from the pocket of his jeans. He let out a breath of relief and frustration. He was thankful it hadn’t fallen out on their flight, but he was a little bit preoccupied. Robbe lightly pushed Sander away, reaching to fish out the phone from the depths of his jeans. Sander tried to lean back in, to kiss him and chase his lips, but Robbe mumbled, frustrated, “I’m sorry, it’s my mom’s ringtone.”

“It’s okay,” Sander mumbled, even though they both knew that it wasn’t. The blond leaned down to fit his face against the crook of Robbe’s neck. His hands wandered to Robbe’s thighs, pulling one of his legs up to hook around Sander’s hips, and gripping tightly on his hips. By the time that Sander had started pressing open-mouthed kisses to the skin of Robbe’s neck, he was struggling to maintain focus on his phone. 

“Thank God, it’s only a text,” Robbe groaned, feeling Sander’s laugh vibrated through his entire body. 

_Hey, sweetheart. My group session went well today._

_Are you still up for coming to see me on Sunday?_

_Yeah, Mama. I’ve got nothing planned with the boys that day. I’ll see you then!_

With his phone back in his pocket, Robbe wrapped his arms back around Sander and pulled him away from his neck so they could kiss once again. Sander’s lips were warm and inviting, moving across Robbe’s with a frantic desire that made his head spin. The thumb on Robbe’s waist slipped beneath the fabric of his sweater, brushing across Robbe’s skin and leaving him a little breathless. Robbe’s leg tightened around Sander’s waist and the bleach-blond blindly thrust his hips forward, eliciting a moan from both of them. 

Robbe was thankful that there was no one on the street, too late at night in a shopping district for anything to be open or people to be wandering around. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Sander hissed.

Their hips rolled together again, Sander’s hand on his hip gripped tighter, and Robbe let out a sigh, his bottom lip caught between Sander’s teeth. Robbe clung to his hair, dropping his head against Sander’s shoulder as he attempted to keep his breathing even. Sander’s hands were on either side of his face, forcing him to look up and kiss him again, heated and charged again. It was like dropping a flame on gasoline, burning with an unmatched intensity. Sander’s hands slid from his face, agonizingly slow over his body, and settled at his waist, gripping a little harder than he must’ve realized. 

“Sander,” Robbe gasped. 

“Come home with me,” Sander purred, sounding as desperate as Robbe felt.

Robbe let out a sigh. “I don’t think I can,” he admitted. Sander mirrored him with a sigh of his own and pressed his lips lightly against Robbe’s, a little less charged than what it had been seconds ago. “I have a midterm tomorrow,” he explained quickly. “But, I want to… I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Sander replied, honestly. “School’s important.” He leaned down, pressing a lingering kiss against Robbe’s lips before dragging them away, peppering kisses down his jaw before pressing a tongued kiss behind his ear. Robbe groaned, sinking against the brick wall and clinging tightly to Sander’s jacket. “Good luck,” the blond whispered before pressing another kiss to Robbe’s ear, his tongue flickering against the folds of his ear. 

Robbe opened his eyes to stare at the night sky above them and let out a groan, “I just want you to know that you’re making it difficult to want to be a good student.” 

Sander grinned, pulling back to look at him and cradling his face with one hand. His thumb brushed against Robbe’s cheekbone. “Do you want to come over after your classes tomorrow?”

“To your flat?”

“Yes,” Sander spoke, a nervous look on his face. 

Robbe grinned, reaching up to hold his face and nodding his head. 

Sander’s smiled was bright and blinding, bending to kiss him. This kiss was far more chaste than the rest of their kisses had been. Robbe was thankful for it because he was already in need of a shower from the chlorine in the pool. He didn’t need to be doing anything else that would prevent him from studying before he needed to go to sleep tonight (though, Robbe mused that it was probably too late for that). 

“Oh no,” Sander mumbled, his hands pressed against Robbe’s wrist. “Your watch is ruined.” 

Robbe blinked, glancing at it. The silver watch had been a staple point of Robbe’s entire life. After his father had separated from his mother, she had given it to him in hopes that he would use it. But, Robbe couldn’t put it on, not for a while, because it reminded him of his dad and that simple fact made him angry. Eventually, he started wearing it to keep track of time in class without having to risk his phone being confiscated. 

By the time his mother admitted herself to the hospital, it had stopped working completely and Robbe couldn’t part with it. Coupled with his necklace, they made him feel like his mother was always there and they reminded him that his mother loved him. 

“It’s alright. It hasn’t worked in years,” Robbe admitted to Sander, staring at it.

Sander’s eyebrows furrowed. “Then, why do you keep wearing it?” 

“My mother gave it to me,” Robbe admitted, shrugging his shoulders. Sander’s eyes were watching him intently. “Even though it hasn’t worked and I’ve tried to get it fixed, it stills reminds me that she loved me enough to give it to me.” Robbe glanced towards Sander, who was watching him with a small smile. “Is that too cheesy?”

“No,” Sander spoke before he was kissing Robbe again, their lips slotting together like they were always meant to do so. “Come on,” Sander mumbled against his lips, separating them hesitantly gently so Robbe’s leg wouldn’t drop to the ground. “I’m going to make sure that you get home safely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I actually had to rewrite a significant portion of this chapter because Robbe was originally much more shy like he was in the original clip released. However, I decided that Robbe, once he was comfortable with his sexuality (which Robbe in this AU definitely is), was very much horny on main so I rewrote it to reflect that. Or tried to. 
> 
> Also, I've decided that I have too many ideas for this story and I'm going to continue it (even though my other stories are about to be neglected again) so prepare for some eventual angst that might arise. 
> 
> I love you all and I hope you guys are looking forward to the next chapter!


	3. Kisses of Curiosity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, you're seriously going to make me cry. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the support on this story that has managed to worm it's way into my heart more than I expected. All of the support, both here and on Tumblr, has meant the absolute world to me. I wanted to create this lovely, beautiful story based on a wonderful gifset and I've really felt like I've been in an out of body experience the past week or so (especially with my other Sobbe fics) and I just wanted to thank each and every one of you. 
> 
> Now, an important note from me (and slight spoilers), because I want to go ahead and talk about it now. 
> 
> There is a scene in this chapter where they refer to this version of the ending clip from Episode 4 of Wtfock (in this case between Robbe and an original character named Nick). There are no direct references to dialogue from this scene and I do not mention what Robbe called him (however, I think it’s similar or word-for-word what Robbe said the exact same thing that he said to Sander in this clip) and I do not want to have that piece of dialogue in this story because I know that it can be triggering for some members of the LGBT community.
> 
> But, as the author of this piece and as a person who can’t imagine the pain inflicted by these words, I tried to give Robbe the ability to apologize to the person he hurt to his face (in this story) just like he was able to in the original WTFock scene with Sander. I know this scene was controversial, but I felt like Robbe needed this interaction. However, while the character is no longer angry at him, I want to stress, if you have been called those words or you have been attacked for loving who you love, YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO FORGIVE THAT PERSON*. These words are not okay to use (as both Robbe and Nick will point out), but this situation is based solely on the experience of Nick, not anyone else’s.
> 
> The basis of this interaction is largely inspired by my own troubles with my former best-friends where I would become so angry that I would be incapable of doing basic functions. Naturally, these two are NOWHERE* near the same (and I’m not saying that they are), but I had to learn that my anger was harmful to me and my life so I had to let go of the anger to move on with my life. This was my basis of this interaction that comes up later. I hope you guys understand (if anyone wants to talk to me about this scene, send me a DM/ask on Tumblr - https://ravenbrenna09.tumblr.com/ - and we can talk about it). 
> 
> I love you guys so much. Thank you for all the support. 
> 
> *sorry for the caps, I don't have access to a bold feature in the beginning/ending notes

Sander

 **_Robbe IJzermans_ ** _sent an image._

_You with David Bowie._

_Seriously? How did I not find you sooner?_

_You’re literally perfect._

_Also, aren’t you supposed to be studying for your test?_

_No._

_I am studying. I’m just taking a break._

_I’m not perfect._

_Besides, it’s might be a good thing that we didn’t find each other sooner._

_How so?_

_When I was in school, I kissed a guy and I was terrified because…_

_Well, a lot of reasons, and so I said somethings that I regretted._

_I called the guy something I shouldn’t have and accused him of something that he didn’t do._

_I don’t know._

_I just… I knew that it was something that I wanted._

_But, my brain just… went Chernobyl and I couldn’t think straight._

_I’m sorry._

_Hey, don’t apologize. I just hopped in the shower._

_You aren’t the same person, Robbe._

_Do you feel that way with me? Like Chernobyl?_

_No._

_Well, yes I do, but not in the same way._

_See?_

_When’s your test?_

_An hour._

_And you’re coming over after you meet with your friend right?_

_Yes?_

_Why are you making me worried?_

_It’s nothing to be worried about._

_Just in the middle of unpacking._

_When you get here, I want to give you my full attention ;)_

_You don’t have to do that._

_You’re right._

_But I will._

_I will be more than happy to help you unpack._

_Absolutely not._

_My boxes can wait another day._

_You can’t._

_Sander._

_If you do good on your test, there may be a reward._

_;)_

_Robbe?_

_Sorry._

_You’re distracting._

_Lol, I’ll let you get back to your studying._

_Good luck._

_Thank you._

_I’ll see you later._

… 

Sander’s apartment, which was on the sixth floor of the apartment complex, was a lot like Robbe had predicted. There were moving boxes all over the living room, propped up on counters and the coffee table with large, bold letters that accompanied them to show where the contents were to go. There were a handful of pots and pans in the kitchen, plates were placed in the corner of the counter which had not found a permanent home in the cabinet, and a smaller, partially open box labeled _Spices._

The only room that seemed to be completely done was the guest bedroom which Sander had turned into a makeshift art studio. There had been an easel propped up near the large window in the room, canvases and paints and charcoals placed strategically around the room. There was a small desk with a sketchbook and dozens of more art supplies that Robbe couldn’t name let alone attempt at deducing. There were large, thick black drapes that hung on either side of the window that might’ve blocked out the sunlight. 

“It can double as a darkroom,” Sander supplied, his eyes watching Robbe’s features assess the room. He ran a hand through Robbe’s hair, watching gleefully as Robbe’s tilted his head towards the palm of his head. “The one at my other apartment was a little bigger. But, it’ll do just fine.” He wrapped an arm around Robbe’s shoulder, pulling him flush against his chest and closing the door with another, before pulling him further down the hallway. 

“Ah, I see,” Robbe mumbled. “This was all a ploy to get me in the bedroom.” 

“Yes,” Sander teased, his lips brushing against Robbe’s ear. The brunet gulped, reaching up to cling at Sander’s hand in his own. The artist willingly surrendered his hand, intertwining their fingers together flawlessly, and grinned brighter. “As long as I have the bed up, I’m able to sleep and not have to sleep beneath my desk again.” He bit down on Robbe’s ear and unexpectedly pulled back. Robbe should’ve expected it, letting out a sigh as he clung. It was so on brand. “So, what do you want to do? Watch a movie? I’ve got a little bit of everything and a Netflix account.”

Robbe groaned as Sander sat on his bed, glancing up at him expectantly. “You’re such a tease.”

A playful grin spread across Sander’s features and the gleeful glint returned to his eyes. “If you think I’m teasing, that means you’re expecting more.”

Robbe rolled his eyes because he definitely was, crossing his arms over his chest as he stepped closer to the side of the bed. Once Robbe was within an arm’s length of Sander, the latter’s hands reached out, hooking on the belt loops of his jeans and pulled him closer to him. Robbe stepped on the bed, his knees digging into the bed before he settled down on Sander’s lap. His hands settled against Robbe’s thighs, his hands warm even through the fabric of his jeans. “And, if I was?”

Sander grinned up at him, his tongue darting out to wet his lips before he was leaning up to press his lips against Robbe’s. Sander’s kiss was as dizzying as it had been the night before. Robbe kissed him back, digging his fingers into the soft strands of Sander’s hair, leaning over him and pushing him lightly to fall back. Sander leaned back at Robbe’s touch, bringing him over his body and coaxed younger man’s mouth open with his tongue. 

Sander lifted Robbe off of him, grinning at the whine that the latter emitted. “Be patient,” the former whispered, pressing a featherlight chaste kiss to Robbe’s lips again, before sitting up and lifting Robbe off of his body. Robbe let out a groan, extending his legs over his lap, as Sander dragged one of the boxes over to his feet, rummaging through it for movies. “Come on, let’s find a movie.”

… 

“Who’s your favorite actor?” Sander mumbled, his eyes half-closed as Robbe ran his fingers through the wisps of his blond hair. The use of his voice had surprised Robbe, who had presumed that he had fallen asleep, his eyes closed and being unresponsive to Robbe’s mumbled speech for about fifteen minutes. He doesn’t remember how they ended up like this, feet in opposite directions on the end of Sander’s half-finished bed, heads resting on the other’s elbows, as the movie that they had finally picked was playing on the television across the room.

“Leonardo Dicaprio,” Robbe admitted, turning towards Sander. 

Sander looked at him incredulously, his fingers idly playing with the stud earring in his left ear. “Seriously?” 

“Yeah,” Robbe admitted, smiling. Sander breathed out of his nose, a light scoff breathed out of his mouth, and Robbe rolled his eyes, returning his gaze to the ceiling. “You never saw Romeo and Juliet?” Sander shook his head, staring over at him as Robbe nuzzled against the crook of Sander’s arm. “It’s fucking beautiful. My mom and I used to watch it every Friday. It’s her favorite movie.”

Sander smiled, staring back up at the ceiling. His thumb rotated Robbe’s earring in his ear and the brunet subconsciously leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. “You know,” Sander spoke up. Robbe opened his eyes to see Sander’s green ones, glancing towards the television. “Life is a bit like a movie sometimes.” 

“What do you mean?” Robbe questioned, turning on his side to face Sander fully. 

“You’re in charge of directing your own life. Deciding what it is and what it isn’t, and what your life will become,” Sander explained. “You get to choose your own destiny, carve out what it is that you want to do with it.” 

Robbe thought about it, twirling one of the longer strands of Sander’s hair around his finger. “No, I don’t believe that.”

Sander’s green eyes flickered over to him, connecting with his brown ones. “No?”

“Do you know… the multiverse theory?” Robbe questioned, nervous. 

Sander raised an eyebrow. “Like in Spiderman?” 

Robbe laughed, grinning at him. “The theory is based on the idea that time is just a dimension,” Robbe started, tracing patterns along Sander’s scalp. The man’s eyes fluttered shut, but Robbe knew that he was still listening. “And so, aside from this universe, there are also a bunch of other universes. Whenever you make a choice, the universe splits.” 

“So, The Flash?” Sander whispered. 

Robbe grinned brighter. “Did you watch The Flash?”

“Guilty pleasure from my youth,” Sander explained, waving his free hand around. For a brief moment, he sounded like a senile old man, who had just explained something about forty years ago not less than a decade old. But, Robbe presumed that Sander was an old soul trapped in a young body anyways with his love for David Bowie and leather jackets and affinities for 80s movies. Somehow, it made Robbe’s heart swell as he watched him, his nose twitch as he bumped his nose. 

“But, so then, you know you can exist in every universe,” Robbe continued, realizing that Sander’s green eyes were on him. “But, it’s just slightly different each time. For example, there could be a Sander and a Robbe lying here in the exact same position that we are right now, except there’s a different poster on the wall or the curtains are a different color.” 

“So, like yellow curtains?” Sander piped up, his eyes flickering over to the black curtains that were lying over a box. 

“For example,” Robbe trailed off, turning towards him. “Have you never thought about that before?”

Sander sucked in a breath, his eyes trained up to the ceiling. “I have,” he admitted. “But, then, I start to feel lonely.” 

“Why?” Robbe questioned, propping himself on his elbow so he could see Sander’s full face. 

The man was staring off into the ceiling like he had stopped being aware that Robbe was even there. There was a dark, vulnerable look in his eyes that reminded Robbe a little of how his mother would get when she spiraled into her own thoughts, consumed by them all. Robbe ran his hands through Sander’s hair, trying to convey that he was here, that he was _listening_. 

“Just,” Sander started, swallowing. “Doesn’t that ever happen to you, that you find yourself thinking: how come I’m thinking this exact thing? Then you go back, retrace your thoughts step-by-step, and you take a look at how one thought morphed into the next, and you’re left wondering: why does it do that? What if I’d gone from this one thought to a completely different thought, then I wouldn’t be thinking what I’m thinking right now. It just keeps going and going and going, and it doesn’t stop.” 

His voice cracked. 

“Hey,” Robbe spoke, hovering over Sander. He ran his hands through Sander’s hair, trailing his thumbs across the blond’s cheekbones, and his green eyes fluttered, glancing up at Robbe. 

Sander paused, looking up at him with a dark look in his eyes. “You know, thoughts never stop. Not even when you’re sleeping. The only way you can stop your thoughts is by dying.”

Robbe’s stomach sunk. “That’s dark,” he whispered. 

“Never thought about that before?” Sander questioned. Robbe shook his head, reaching out to take Sander’s fingers in his own. A gentle smile formed back on Sander’s face, twisting his hand so his fingers slotted together with Robbe’s. Robbe would do anything to make that smile stay on his face. “I sometimes forget how young you are.” 

It’s a joke, an attempt to brush off the seriousness of what happened, but Robbe doesn’t let it phase him. He knew what he had witnessed in front of him. But, he was also aware that Sander didn’t want to talk about it and Robbe wasn’t going to bring it up unless he wanted him to. So, Robbe laughed, pretending to be offended before he leaned forward, pressing his lips against Sander’s.

Robbe tried to pour into the kiss that he was _here_ should Sander ever need to talk. The blond was receptive of the kiss, pressing his lips back against Robbe’s, oblivious of the brunet shifting upward and moving until his legs were on either side of his hips and their lips disconnected so Robbe could fully turn around and straddle him. 

Sander’s eyes watched him, playful and secretive, but he was laughing as Robbe settled on his hips and ran his hands along the length of his chest, feeling every muscle beneath the thin fabric of his David Bowie shirt. So, Robbe could deal with that for now, file the incident away for later when Sander was a bit more receptive to talking about whatever it was. “Woah, what are you planning?” Sander questioned, an inquisitive look in his green eyes as his hands gripped Robbe’s waist.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Robbe replied, settling down against his hips and swallowing Sander’s groan as he kissed him again. 

…

Sander’s kisses were intoxicating. 

Robbe already had a basic idea about how intoxicating they were last night. Sander had dropped him off at his apartment and gave him one long goodnight kiss that was meant to satisfy both of them until after Robbe’s test and plans with Yasmina. But, Robbe wasn’t satisfied, pulling him beneath the shadows of a tree for nearly thirty minutes, relishing in Sander’s kisses and being wound up in his arms, until they literally had to pull themselves apart. Sander had been worried that he waited too long, but his hair remained the pristine bleach-blond that it had been before their pool fiasco. 

(Which was good because Robbe would’ve felt _really_ guilty.)

But, now, lying on the bed with the movie long forgotten, his kisses were on a different level. 

Maybe it was because they were in the safety and security of Sander’s room, unable to be bothered by random strangers walking by, or maybe it was because they had all the time in the world now, but Sander’s kisses were more heated than they had been last night. His lips pressed a little harder, his tongue slipped into Robbe’s mouth with more fever, and his body weight on top of Robbe’s made his head spin a little faster. Each kiss melted into the next and into the next and into the next, moving and melding together like one cohesive long kiss that made Robbe’s entire world shift on a new axis. 

Sander’s hands slipped beneath the fabric of his shirt, his fingers tracing the muscles and defined abs of Robbe’s torso. Then, his hands moved upward, taking the shirt with him until it was up to their chins. Sander separated the minimum distance enough to get the fabric over Robbe’s head before his lips are back against his own, attacking his lips with much more intention than before. Robbe reached for the hem of Sander’s David Bowie shirt, pulling it up to his shoulders. As Sander separated their lips to slip it off, Robbe let his hand roam across the other’s bare chest, his finger finding the outline of black ink on his chest. 

Located directly over his heart, the prominent, beautiful tattoo depicted a wolf. He didn't get a good look at it in the pool, but now that Sander was there in front of him without a shirt, Robbe couldn't help staring at every detail. It looked so lifelike that Robbe wondered if he could pass it off as having been screen printed onto his skin. The wolf stared at Robbe, fierce and protective of Sander and his heart. Robbe glanced up to Sander, who was watching him closely, before reaching out to touch the tattoo gently, running his fingertips over the skin. As the tip of Robbe’s finger felt a bump amongst the tattoo, along the side of the wolf’s face, Sander’s hand was on Robbe’s chin forcing him to look up and colliding their lips together again. 

Robbe breathed deeply into the kiss, opening his mouth without Sander needing to ask. Sander reached for Robbe’s right hand, which was still against the tattoo, interlocking their fingers together and pinning it against the sheets of the bed. Robbe clung to his hand like a lifeline, feeling his stomach flip as Sander squeezed back. Robbe hooked his free hand against Sander’s shoulder blade and his ankles on the backs of Sander’s knees, squeezing Sander’s waist with his thighs. The blond’s hand was on his chest and he dragged his lips from against Robbe’s, down the curve of his jawline, drawing a path to his throat and-

One of their phones gave a shrill ring. 

Sander pulled back, letting out a deep, resigned sigh, as he dropped his head against the pillow that Robbe was half-lying on, grumbling beneath his breath. Robbe pressed a feather-light kiss to his temple and Sander leaned against his lip for half a moment before he started to sit up, twisting away from Robbe. The loss of Sander’s skin on his was too much, Robbe realized how cold the room was. He reached out to grab at Sander’s shoulder, pulling himself up from the bed. 

Without thinking, Robbe scooted closer to where Sander had gone, perched on the edge of the bed. Robbe opened his legs, flanking Sander’s own legs. If Sander minded, he didn’t say anything. Robbe wrapped his arms around Sander’s chest, pulling him lightly against him, and pressed a kiss against the exposed flesh of Sander’s shoulder before resting his cheek against his flesh. 

It was only when Sander lets out a frustrated sigh that Robbe glanced down at the phone. 

_Britt_

_ <3 _

There were several messages above it, full of angry texts back and forth, but Robbe doesn’t try to figure out the message that they hold, only spotting the red-faced emojis from Britt. He didn’t want to invade Sander’s privacy more than he already had. “I’m going to get some water,” Robbe mumbled, reluctantly detaching himself from Sander’s back and climbing off the bed. As Robbe left the bedroom, he bent down, fetching his shirt from the floor and slipping it on as he walked down the hallway. 

By the time that Sander joined him in the kitchen, the blond had put his shirt back on as well. Robbe had a glass of water in his hands and his eyes were trained on the rim of the glass, having barely taken a sip of what he had gotten. Sander stepped around the kitchen counter, leaning against it with one hip and staring at Robbe. “Hey,” Sander spoke, his voice soft as he tilted Robbe’s chin up so he was forced to look at Sander’s big, confused green eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

Robbe swallowed, the question knawing at the back of his head. “Why does Britt still think you’re dating?” he whispered.

“Because she’s controlling and can’t come to terms with the fact that I don’t want her,” Sander replied, instantaneous and direct. His eyes were on Robbe the entire time and that made the brunet feel like he should hide, or apologize, for doubting him. Sander reached out, taking the glass of water from his hand and placing it on the sink, before taking Robbe’s face in his hands. “She thinks that she’s the only one who can be there for me and that I’ll come crawling back to her when I need her, but I’m not.” 

Robbe swallowed, leaning forward to press his forehead against Sander’s, wrapping his arms around the other man’s shoulders. 

“Robbe,” Sander whispered. “Look at me.” Robbe glanced up at him, his brown eyes finding determined green eyes that were boring into his own. Sander’s thumbs trailed across his cheeks before he was placing a fleeting kiss to Robbe’s lips. “Maybe there’s a universe out there where that Sander is with that Britt, but that isn’t this one. Britt is history, okay?” Sander spoke, his voice determined and precise. “We’re the future.”

Robbe smiled, angling his face to kiss Sander again. 

The blond grinned, wrapping his arms around Robbe to pull him closer, but then he halted, inches from Robbe’s lips. Robbe opened his eyes, realizing that Sander was staring at him with a smug look on his face, and let out an involuntary groan. _Still on brand_. “Hold on a second,” he spoke, untangling himself from Robbe’s arms and rushing off to the art room. 

“Sander,” Robbe breathed out, reaching out to grab his water and take another drink. 

Sander returned with his hands behind his back. “Put the drink back down,” Sander ordered. Robbe gave him a look and placed the glass back down on the counter, turning towards Sander who stepped around the counter. “Don’t freak out,” the blond whispered, reaching out to hand him a sheet of paper. 

Robbe took it gingerly in his hands and stared down at the sketch on it. It was _him_. The sketch depicted a large heart-shaped hole with Robbe in the center. It was a beautiful sketch, one that didn’t even seem like it was him, but he felt his own heart swell in his chest. Was this how Sander saw him? 

“Is this how you see me?” Robbe questioned. 

Sander nodded his head, reaching out to wrap his arms around Robbe’s shoulders. He brought him against his chest and pressed a kiss to the top of Robbe’s head. “I got the idea this afternoon when you told me about Chernobyl,” Sander admitted. “I was already drawing you so it ended up working out. And, it’s not finished quite yet, but imagine it on a big wall with all these intense colors.” 

Robbe twisted in Sander’s arms, cradling his head and pressing his lips against Sander’s own. It was hard to kiss with the way that Robbe was smiling from ear-to-ear, but they managed. Sander’s hands dropped down to Robbe’s waist, fisting the fabric that bunched up there, and Robbe pulled him impossibly closer, letting Sander press him against the counter. 

Then, there was a knock on the door. 

Sander tensed against him, nervously eyeing the door. Robbe opened his mouth to speak, but Sander shook his head, raising his hand up to press a hand against his mouth to prevent him from asking. The blond moved towards the door, stepping up against it to glance at who was outside. After a few moments, Sander let out a relieved sigh, opening the door and fishing out his wallet. 

“Keep the change,” he told whoever was at the door before taking a pizza box from him. Once the pizza delivery man stepped away, Sander closed the door, swiftly locking it behind him. “I hope you like pepperoni,” the blond beamed, moving to the kitchen and placing a lingering kiss again Robbe’s lips. 

But, even as Robbe kissed him back, reaching up to place his hands on Sander’s chest, he could tell that the blonde was still tense. “Is everything okay?” Robbe questioned, rubbing gently at his shoulders. 

“Of course,” Sander spoke, giving him another kiss as he placed the pizza on an open spot of the kitchen counter. Sander’s hands returned to Robbe’s waist, snaking around to pull the smaller man against his chest, and Robbe laughed, snuggling into his chest. “I’ve got a handsome man in my arms,” he spoke, tilting Robbe’s head up so he could kiss him. Sander backed him up against the counter, using his hips to lock him in place, “and, a large pepperoni pizza.” 

He placed a long kiss against Robbe’s lips, needier than the one before, and the latter _whined_ when their lips separated again. “What more could I ask for?”

It’s another deflection, but Robbe let him, tilting his head up and greedily accepting Sander’s next kiss. “You know,” Robbe started. Sander glanced down at him, his bright green eyes seemed a little sad, and Robbe wanted nothing more than to kiss the sadness away. “I’m always here when you want to talk.” 

Sander smiled, a small sad smile. “I know, Robbe.” 

Then, they’re kissing again. 

…

The iron gate shut behind him, locking in place. With one final pat-down to confirm that he had gotten all of his belongings, Robbe moved to his bike which was locked against the bike rack. After finding his own, he bent over, twisting the combination to fit his mother’s birthday, and unlocking it with a simple tug. As he wound up the lock and slipped it into his bag, he heard the sound of his own name being called out.

He turned, expecting to find Sander with something that he had inevitably forgotten about. 

But, it wasn’t.

“Nick?” Robbe questioned.

There was a reason that Robbe had fallen so hard and so quickly for the black-haired man that approached him all those years ago. Even in the dimly lit street outside of the apartment complex, Nick still managed to be as handsome as he was all those years ago, back when Robbe was questioning his sexuality. He felt like throat run dry with guilt, the words that Robbe had thrown at him running through his head, bouncing around in his head as though he had just said the words yesterday.

“Hey,” Nick replied, a soft grin forming on his expression, lighting up his brown eyes. 

Robbe bit down on his lip. “What are you doing here?”

Nick pointed towards the apartment complex, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I live here.” 

“Oh,” Robbe exhaled. 

“What are _you_ doing here?” Nick questioned, taking a step towards him. 

Robbe scratched behind his ear, avoiding Nick’s questionable gaze. “I was meeting someone,” Robbe mumbled. 

“Oh,” Nick exhaled, a small grin on his face. Robbe spotted the quick look of grief that ghosted over his features. The brunet felt the pang of regret in his chest, that he had been the one to spit those words at Nick when he had given Robbe the only kiss that ever truly mattered at the time. The man stepped towards the iron gate, digging his keys out of his pockets and avoiding his gaze. “I’m glad that you managed to get past whatever was holding you back.” 

“Nick,” Robbe spoke up, stepping towards him. 

The man stopped, turning to stare at Robbe. 

“I know that there’s absolutely nothing that I could ever do to change what I said to you and what I accused you of when you were just trying to figure out what was going on with me,” Robbe spoke, swallowing nervously as he glanced around the dimly lit road. “But, I just want you to know that I really am sorry. I was stupid and I was scared and absolutely terrified of what I was feeling. I took it out on you because it was easier to believe that was what happened than the fact that I liked guys.” 

Nick turned towards him, sticking his free hand back in his pocket and staring at Robbe. 

“I took it out on you because I thought that maybe you were the only guy I liked and you were the cause of it all. But, you weren’t. I liked guys well before you and that terrified me. You didn’t deserve any of what I did to you,” Robbe spoke, trying to keep his voice steady and firm. He didn’t realize how much he had kept bottled up about this, about Nick and what he had done to Nick. He had always deserved better than Robbe could’ve offered him at the time. “So, I’m sorry.”

Nick breathed. 

“I know,” Nick replied. His hand that was still gripping on the iron bar of the gate dropped to rest against his side. Robbe blinked up at him, confused, as the black-haired man turned fully to stare at him. “Robbe,” he started, “You didn’t have to tell me sorry for me to know that you were. I could tell from the moment that you said the words, but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t angry that you said what you said.”

“I know,” Robbe replied. “You have every right to be angry at me, to _still_ be angry at me.” He bit down on his lip, looking down at his feet. “Once I talked with my friend and I realized how much I had fucked it all up, I tried to reach out to talk to you, but you had blocked me which I don’t blame you. At all.” 

“Robbe,” Nick spoke up, stepping toward Robbe and effectively cutting him off. “I’m not angry at you for what you said. Not anymore at least. I spent far too long being angry at what you said and it consumed me and it wasn’t healthy. Once I let go of that anger that was holding me back, I was able to see that you were scared and that you were lashing out. But, that’s on you.” 

“I know,” Robbe replied, hanging his head. “I’m still sorry though.” 

Nick smiled. “I know,” Nick replied. “Maybe, at the moment, you didn’t mean to say it and that won’t change the fact that you did say those things. But, I know that you had probably internalized a lot of what your friends were joking around with, right?” 

“Yeah,” Robbe replied, scratching behind his ear. “But, that doesn’t make it right.”

“You’re right,” Nick spoke, digging his hands back in his pockets. “It doesn’t make it right. But, I think both of us are acutely aware of that fact. If we keep living our lives based on something that happened years ago, all we’re going to end up doing is going in circles. So, the only thing that either one of us can really do Robbe is to remind yourself that what you said was wrong and never say that to anyone else again or else all you’re going to end up doing is drag yourself down.” 

“Yeah,” Robbe mumbled. “I’m never going to say that to anyone else again and I shouldn’t have said it the first time.” Nick smiled. “Are you dating anyone?” Robbe questioned. He wanted to make sure that the man that he had hurt so much had been able to move on, find someone who wouldn’t say those words to him, and find the person that he deserved to find. 

“I was, his name was Owen,” Nick admitted. “We had been dating for almost two years and broke up a couple of months ago. It just wasn’t right, you know?” Robbe did know. All of Robbe’s past relationships made him feel nearly as much as he did for Sander, Nick included. “I’m not really on the dating scene quite yet,” he admitted. 

“Take your time,” Robbe replied. “You deserve it.” 

Nick grinned. “Yeah, well, I hope that your,” he gestured towards the iron gate and Robbe laughed, thinking of Sander and his platinum blonde hair and heated kisses, “ends up working out for you. You deserve to be happy too. We should meet up, have a beer, catch up. You can always bring Jens and the guys. I miss hanging around them too even if our time together was brief.” 

“Alright,” Robbe replied, grabbing ahold of his bike and placing it on the curb. “Thank you, Nick.” 

“Have a good night, Robbe,” Nick spoke, disappearing into the shadows of the courtyard with the iron gate swinging shut behind him. 

… 

“Oh, you’re finally home. Where have _you_ been, mister?”

While Jens was one of his best friends in the entire world, Robbe felt like the older man had regressed to treat him like a little brother in the years since Jens had moved out of his house. Despite the fact that Jens regularly (repeatedly) was out of the house out late or missed parties in favor of being with Lucas, the man walked into the foyer with his arms crossed and looking every bit like a disapproving older brother. 

“Have you been out with your _boyfriend_?”

Robbe blinked, furrowing his eyebrows and getting strange flashbacks to Senne, “Uh…”

“I knew it!” Jens shouted.

“Jens,” Noor’s voice came from the kitchens. Robbe stepped towards the kitchen, searching out the woman who had long since become one of his closest friends. He found the black-haired woman sitting at the dining room table with a cup of tea, dressed in pajama pants and one of Moyo’s old shirts that she had long since claimed as her own. “You know that Moyo is meeting his mom in the morning, right?”

“Oh, sorry Moyo,” Jens whispered in the direction of Moyo’s room. There’s a muffled groan. “But, no seriously,” Jens spoke, turning back to Robbe, who sat down at the table with Noor. “Who is he? What does he do and when are we all going to meet him?”

“Who are you? My dad?”

Noor scoffed, nearly spitting tea out over the counter.

“Who is he? Is he nice? Are you being _safe_?” 

“Need to be having sex to be playing it safe. What’s with the two-hundred questions?” Robbe countered. 

“Why are you responding to all my questions with more questions?” Jens replied, his eyes narrowing at Robbe, who raised an eyebrow. 

A moment later, Lucas came padding into the room, glaring at the back of Jens’ head. “Is this _really_ why you left me in bed all by myself?” Jens paled, quickly moving to pepper kisses down the side of Lucas’ face. “You are going to have to better than that, Stoffels.” Jens pushed him back in the direction of the former’s bedroom and Lucas gave Robbe a wink over his shoulder.

Robbe was thankful. 

He did _not_ want to deal with Jens and his two-hundred questions. 

“Is it serious?” Noor questioned, leaning towards him and taking a sip of her drink. 

Robbe sucked in a breath. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I want it to be. But… I don’t know. I think he’s holding something back. I don’t think it’s anything bad like a girlfriend or boyfriend or something like that, but it’s something that he wants to keep a secret from me.” 

Noor nodded her head, rubbing his shoulder and kissing his cheek as she stood up from the table to place her cup in the sink. “I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about,” Noor replied. “But, you like him right?”

Robbe nodded his head. He didn’t need to think about that one. 

“Then, it’s all going to work out,” she spoke. “Just give him space to think on his own. He’ll come and talk to you whenever he’s ready. If you rush it, that will only result in him pushing you away.” Robbe nodded his head, moving to stand up. Noor met him, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him. “Goodnight, Robbe. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Noor,” Robbe spoke, moving towards his room. Once he was inside, he dropped his bag off by the door, quickly changed his jeans for sweats, and climbed into bed. He barely managed to fire off an _I made it safely home. Roommate gave me 200 questions. Goodnight_ text to Sander before his eyes were drooping and he was out. 

In the morning, he woke up to shouts from his roommates and found:

_Goodnight, angel. Sleep well._

…

The hospital had looked the same as when Robbe used to visit his mother in high school. 

The receptionist was different, of course, her dark-blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail on the back of her head, her black-framed glasses on her nose. She glanced up at Robbe with slight indifference, but the student spotted a textbook sitting out to her right. Oh, he thought, she was stressed about school too. When Robbe had asked what room his mom was in, the girl beamed, seeming a little bit happier, and proceeded to gush about how his mother had made sure that she keep to her studies, making sure that the receptionist took breaks so to not overwhelm her. 

Robbe had smiled. 

That sounded like his mother. 

Luckily, his mother’s room wasn’t far, down the hallway and around the corner. By the time that Robbe had found her, his mother was standing outside her room, talking to one of the nurses that stood outside of her door about her pregnancy. The nurse in question looked like she was due any day now. Robbe smiled as he approached the two women, catching the tail end of the conversation, “-and I had cravings with Robbe up until the moment that I went into labor.”

Robbe reached out, touching his mother’s shoulder. The woman turned towards him in surprise, beaming up at him. 

Marine IJzermans beamed at him, grinning from ear-to-ear in a smile that lights up her entire face. Between his parents, Robbe had gotten the majority of his features from his mother. He had gotten her narrow face, slender frame, and her nose. Another thing that he got from her was her brown hair. His mother’s hair was long, cascading past her shoulder blades when down. Currently, it was trapped up in a ponytail which was messy and slightly lopsided. Her hazel eyes twinkled at him as she gripped onto him tightly.

“Robbe!” she practically exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck and holding him tightly. “You made it!”

“Of course, Mama,” Robbe replied. “I told you I was coming.” 

His mother looked bashful, pushing back a strand of her hair. “I know, I know, but I know that you’ve been stressed with school and projects. I didn’t know if you were going to be staying home to study a little bit more.” Suddenly remembering that she had been in a conversation, the woman quickly turned back to the nurse, “Just make sure you take care of yourself, Emilie. You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”

“Thank you,” Emilie replied, beaming. “I’ll let you two catch up. It’s so wonderful to meet you, Robbe. Your mother talks a lot about you.” 

His mother smiled, grabbing his arm and guiding him into her room. 

Her room was simple. There was a single bed that was pushed up against the wall, the sheets messily folded along the corners, and her pillows haphazardly placed against the headboard. There were two notebooks on her nightstand that she seemed to be messing with endlessly. One was for her ideas, what she wanted to do with the swirling thoughts in her head, and the other was a journal that her group sessions always kept. Robbe knew that his mother never shared out her entries, but she always kept them close in case she needed them.

“You look stressed, sweetheart,” his mother noted, reaching up to press the back of her hand against his forehead. 

Robbe laughed. When Robbe had gone to see Sander on Friday, the man had commented the same thing before proceeding to press kisses along Robbe’s repeated frown lines until he was giggling. “It’s just school work,” Robbe replied, running a hand through his hair. “Yasmina and I have a project coming up in one of our classes that has an essay and presentation component to it. It’s not due for another month though.” 

“Sounds frightening,” his mother commented. “But, I know that you and Yasmina will get through it together. You guys always have before. I’m surprised that your teachers still let you be project partners.” 

Robbe laughed. 

“So, how are the rest of your classes been going? Have you made any new friends?”

“Uh,” Robbe started, but before he could even figure out what he was going to say, his phone rang shrilly in his back pocket. Robbe dug it out of his pocket, spotting the notification from Messages, and hurried moved to silence it. 

“Do you need to get that, sweetheart?” his mother questioned. 

“No,” Robbe replied, slipping his phone in his backpack where he would be less tempted to check it. Right now, he was his time with his mom. No phones, no friends, nothing. His roommates were already aware that he was here. They knew that their messages wouldn’t be read until Robbe left the hospital. “The boys know that I’m with you so it isn’t important.”

“Are you sure?” his mother replied. “You know that I don’t mind…”

“Mom,” Robbe spoke up. “It’s okay. They can wait a couple of hours.” 

His mother listened intently as Robbe explained what he was learning in his classes. He could see the clouded look in her eyes like she couldn’t quite understand the topic of his Thursday morning class, but he could see that she was trying and listening intently, eagerly pressing Robbe to talk about it more. He told her about Sander, leaving out some of the finer details of how they got together (his mother did not need to know about him skinny-dipping in a pool that they broke into and fleeing from the nightguard), about how Robbe was worried about him and his reactions, and his mother had told him the same thing that Noor had. 

“Give him time,” his mother had advised, leaning against her headboard as they shared the dinners the nurses had brought them. “If he wants to talk about it, then he’ll talk about it. There’s no reason to try and push for an explanation that he isn’t willing to give.”

“I know,” Robbe had supplied. “I just… I want to help him.”

His mother had smiled, reaching out to cup his face. “You’ve always had a gentle heart, Robbe.” 

It’s only hours later when his mother’s medicine kicked in and she started to get sleepy that Robbe started to consider pulling out his phone. However, he decided against it, talking more about Yasmina’s boyfriend, who would show up between classes with coffee for Yasmina, had started regularly showing up with Robbe’s normal coffee order after Yasmina asked him to pick it up for Robbe after a tough day in class. His mother was dedicated, listening to the story for as long as she could. 

But, in the end, she slipped into sleep, her breath evening out and her eyes closing. Robbe smiled, standing up to pull her blanket up around her. She snuggled into it and Robbe left a quick note for her, pinning it on the top of her notebook, before flipping off the light and leaving the apartment. Robbe left the hospital, wishing the receptionist good luck on her test and getting a grin in response. It’s only after he arrives at his bike that he remembers the text message, pulling out his phone. 

His eyes found Sander’s name on the screen, sliding it open with ease, and he’s halfway through thinking about his response before his message registers in his brain. 

_Hey Robbe, I’m sorry but things are moving too fast. I need to take a break. I’m sorry. Forgive me._

When he gets home, trudging through the living room and making a beeline for his bedroom, his roommates noticed the change in his mood. But, no one can get out a word to question about Robbe’s depressed mood before the man was safely locked in his bedroom, throwing his backpack to the ground (and knocking over his skateboard in the process), discarding his clothes (save his briefs) onto his desk chair, and climbing into the bed, wrapping his sheets around him like a cacoon. 

Finally, Jens knocked on the door. “Did something happen with your mom?”

Robbe blinked back the tears that he hadn’t formally registered against his cheeks. “No,” he replied, his voice soft and muffled by the sheets wrapped around him. He could tell that Jens was going to say something else, to ask another question. “Jens. I just need some time. Please?”

Jens was quiet. “Okay, but you know we’re always here for you, Robbe,” the black-haired man spoke. The man hesitated at the door, his shadow barely visible from the crack under the door. But, the man eventually moved off, back to the living room and leaving Robbe alone, silent, confused tears slipping from the corners of his eyes. 

He got an Instagram notification.

_earthlingoddity has added to his story_

It was a completely black photo with a simple message for the world to see, spelled out in bold white letters across the screen. 

_I’m sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE YOU GUYS ARE READY FOR SOME SLIGHT ANGST.
> 
> Question: Once I finish this story, would you possibly want Sander's POV? There have already been a couple of sections where I know what Sander is thinking so it's really only a question of if you, the lovely readers, would want to see it. It probably won't be as long as this one is (one chapter, maybe two). 
> 
> Note: My school is starting up in a week and updates may be farther in-between. Being the first week with syllabuses and etc., I'm hoping to at least get some form of the remaining chapters complete so I can edit them. Either way, I hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter!


	4. Somebody Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S ANGST TIME. 
> 
> So, anyways, I apparently can't decide how long it's going to take to finish this story because this is now SEVEN chapters long. And, once again, I can't begin to explain how much it means to me that you guys love this story. I'm so glad to be able to share this story with each and every one. I hope to have this story finished soon, but once I do, I'm going to take a brief break from writing Sobbe to focus on my other stories. Then, I will be back, likely writing Sander's POV and some other short-stories (and maybe some chaptered ones) if you guys are interested. 
> 
> Either way, hope you're ready!

As the group of them headed into the club, where Amber's cousin and Noor's classmate from her art school had invited them all out to the party, encouraging her to not only bring Moyo but to also drag the rest of them out as well, Robbe couldn’t help wanting to turn around, go back to his bedroom, and hiding beneath his covers. 

Since he had gotten that text from Sander, Robbe had spent too much time in his room, locked beneath the covers and working on his homework with lightning speed. It was something that had been a staple of his entire school career. There were a handful of times where his emotions would get so overwhelming that they would boggle him down, prevent him from doing work, but the majority of the time, he always ended up focusing on his work harder, trying to push past the pain and using it to focus on more important things.

But, that didn’t stop him from retreating inside of his room, blocking out his friends. 

After Robbe had finished classes on Monday, he had been home by 13:00, locking himself in his room and writing out the plan for his half of the project. By the time that he had finished the introductory statement, finalized his plan, and texted Yasmina to see if it sounded good, he glanced up and realized that it was almost 21:00. Jens had been periodically trying to get the door open to get Robbe to eat, but the latter only retreated further into himself, further into his books, until the door shook from a knock and there was a light sound of his name, “Robbe.” 

_Zoë_.

The blonde had gotten him to open the door, get dressed, and dragged him out of the apartment to get dinner. Robbe didn’t want to talk about it and she didn’t press, reaching out to take his hand without saying anything. On the way back to the apartment, he told her that he felt like an idiot, falling for someone who was so far out of his league that he couldn’t believe that he would even like someone as plain as Robbe. Zoë had listened, questioning when she needed to, and Robbe showed her a picture of Sander on his Instagram. There was a look in her eyes like she was going to look him up later, but she listened and clung to his arm. 

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing, Robbe,” she had told him, rubbing his arm. 

Robbe wanted to believe her, but he couldn’t. 

But, now, on Saturday, he finally let Jens drag him out of the apartment, over to this club where Amber’s cousin’s friend (or whatever) had invited everyone to an old school friend’s party. One of those, you know someone who knows someone who knows someone kind of deal and Robbe had been reluctantly dragged outside of the apartment, practically forcibly dressed by Lucas (“If I have to do this, so do you”), and brought to the club. 

“Don’t worry,” Jens had teased, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as Amber bounded over them to kiss Aaron’s cheek in greeting. “If you get any unwanted attention from girls, I promise that I’ll be your fake boyfriend.”

“Hey!” Lucas called as Robbe wiggled from Jens’ grasp to hug Amber. 

The blonde gripped him tightly before grabbing his arm (and Aaron’s hand) and proceeding to _drag_ the pair of them up to the bouncer, who willingly let them all in. Once they were inside, Amber wrapped her arm around Robbe and dragged him into the club. It was odd, to Robbe at least. The two of them were friends, but friends of friends, who only really hung out together in school and whenever their friend groups came together. 

“Are you okay?” she questioned, suddenly. When Robbe gave her a questioning look, Amber quickly continued, “Aaron said that you have been hiding in your room and Zoë is really worried about you. I know that we aren’t particularly close, but you’re important to them. So, you’re important to me too.”

“I’ll be fine, Amber,” Robbe replied. “I promise.” 

There was a worried expression that passed Amber’s eye, but Aaron wrapped his arms around Amber, pulling the girl close and effectively pulling her attention from Robbe. Her arm was quickly replaced by Jens, who guided Robbe towards the bar. Lucas let out a sigh somewhere behind them, trailing behind. “Come on,” Jens spoke up, beaming at him. 

The club bass thumped loudly. The music was pumping loudly, making Robbe feel a little dizzy. The lights had been changed to a bright florescent purple and back to a neon blue. It was a frustratingly beautiful sight to see, for sure, watching the lights flicker so drastically between one color and the next. The party-goers on either side of them were dancing, grinding against one another to the beat of the music. 

Robbe wanted nothing more to be at home, cuddled under his covers. And, it wasn’t even because of everything that had happened with Sander. If given the opportunity, Robbe would _always_ choose a quiet night at the flat with his friends. Too many times at parties, Robbe would end up in the bathroom, hiding out from the crowd and the heavy bass drum. Ironically, the boys had all met Noor in the bathroom of Jana’s home. He didn’t like being crowded and exposed, out in public like this. 

Sure, he liked to drink and hang out with his friends, but, if given the opportunity, he would much rather be in the comfort of his own apartment.

“We’re drinking the night away.”

“I’m not drinking,” Robbe spoke, letting out a sigh as he turned towards Jens. Despite the fact that it was a party, his best friend had only dressed in a hoodie and semi-fitting blue jeans. Lucas was already half-hanging on to him, his arms around Jens’ midsection so they wouldn’t be separated in the crowd. “I don’t even want to _be_ here remember? I’m only here because your boyfriend decided that if _he_ had to go, then I would have to go to.” 

Jens frowned, staring at him. They arrived at the bar, leaning against the barely exposed corner of the wooden bar. Robbe pushed himself up into an empty seat along on the edge of the bar, giving him the entire view of the dance floor. Jens leaned up against the counter, purposely sitting in front of his eye line. Lucas leaned up behind him, wrapping his arms around Jens’ torso and snuggled against his shoulderblade. Jens naturally leaned back against him, his brown eyes still trained on Robbe. 

“Robbe,” Jens spoke. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to drink. Lucas and I will go ahead and make sure that you don’t go home with some random stranger.” 

Lucas picked his head off Jens’ shoulder, glaring at him slightly. “Don’t take my drinking away from me,” he spoke, light and half-hearted, but Robbe could tell that it had simply been a joke. 

There was a protective, worried look that had crossed Jens’ face as he stood opposite of Robbe. There was a concerned look in Lucas’ eyes as well, glancing over at him with a perplexed expression on his face. Since the two of them had started dating, Lucas had quickly grown to be one of Robbe’s closest friends. He was about as protective of Robbe as Jens was. Maybe even more so. The two of them were similar, more similar than they had expected, and Robbe thought that Jens would be foolish not to keep him around more. 

Lucas unraveled himself from Jens, stepping forward to place a hand on Robbe’s shoulder. “Are you sure that you’re okay?” he questioned. 

Robbe opened his mouth to respond, but someone popped up with bright platinum blonde hair. For a split second, Robbe’s mind registered it as Sander, his heart making a brief palpitation in his chest. But, as he turned, spotting the cherry red lipstick and mischevious smile, Robbe felt disappoint creep into his bones as Zoë wrapped her arm around Lucas’s arm, tugging him away. Sander wasn’t here. And, even if he was, he wouldn’t be interested in being with Robbe. 

“Hey,” Jens spoke as Zoë tugged Lucas away. “Where are you taking my boyfriend?”

“I’m taking him to the bathroom so I can put eyeliner on him!”

“No, you’re not. He’s too irresistible and we need to take care of Robbe!” 

However, despite his shout about taking care of Robbe, Jens had already turned away to blindly follow them through the crowd, away from the bar and away from Robbe, who remained firmly planted on the barstool, looking bored. However, he’s not alone for long before Milan slid into Jens’ vacated spot, a gentle, reassuring grin crossing over his face. 

The man was dressed up in his finest clothes and fittest jeans. There was a single dangling earring extending from his left earlobe, his go-to party wear accessory. There was little doubt between the three of them that Milan had dressed to impress and was willing to go all out to do so. Robbe knew that Milan, one of his closest friends outside of the “Broerrrs” and his certified “gay guru”, of all people, deserved it.

“How are you doing?” Milan questioned. 

“I’m fine,” Robbe lied. 

He wasn’t fine. 

And, Robbe was almost positive that Milan already knew that. 

“Robbe,” Milan whispered, somehow seeming like he was shouting even with the booming bass and the moving bodies around them. Robbe avoided his gaze, turning towards the bartender to get his attention. The man quickly came over, getting his order before giving the pair of them a once over. For once, Milan didn’t seem to have noticed. “I know you better than that. You’re obviously not fine.” 

Robbe let out a breath, taking his beer when it was offered. “How much did Zoë tell you?” 

“Not much,” Milan replied. The bartender nudged Milan, placing a refill of his empty glass on the counter before gesturing for the one in his hand. Milan seemed to a bit surprised, handing over the glass and blushing a little when the bartender winked at him. Robbe eyed him, grinning. “Do not think you are getting away from this conversation, Robbe. She just told me that you were with someone. They said that they wanted to take a break via text.” 

“Yeah,” Robbe replied. 

“Who was it? Do I know him?” Milan questioned. 

Robbe shook his head. “No, not personally anyway,” Robbe replied, staring down into his glass in an attempt to avoid Milan’s questioning gaze. “It was that guy on Instagram that you were teasing me about having a crush on.” 

When Robbe glanced up to him, his eyes were wide but he didn’t speak up so Robbe continued, biting nervously at his lip. 

“Anyway,” Robbe continued. “We started messaging each other and we talked about possibly meeting up last Thursday. But, then Lucas and I went to meet Noor and Moyo and he was out with them and Britt. The two of them left in an argument and he messaged me that night, asking if I wanted to meet up that night. And, I did so I went and we hung out and we kissed and if I didn’t have a midterm the next morning, we might’ve done something more.” 

Milan’s eyes went wide. “Are you telling me that you resisted having sex with a guy that you have been crushing on for _months_ because you had a test?” Robbe gave him a look. “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page. You have a lot more restraint than I would have.” Robbe nodded his head and Milan replied with an offended expression. “So, what happened?”

“I went over to his place on Thursday, then again on Friday,” Robbe informed him, crossing his arms over his chest and letting out a sigh. “I don’t know. It was nice and we were having a good time. Or, at least, I _thought_ we were. But, I don’t know, I felt like there was something that he didn’t want to tell me.” 

“Like, you were a secret boyfriend or something else?”

Robbe shook his head. “I don’t think it was that,” he admitted. “We were in the kitchen and there was a knock on the door. I don’t know. There was just this change to him like he got tense and scared all of a sudden.” Milan nodded his head, patting his arm. “I tried to ask him about it, but he didn’t want to talk about it. I guess I’m worried that I pushed him too far and that I was stupid-” 

“Robbe,” Milan spoke up, effectively cutting him off. “You’re _not_ stupid.” 

Robbe shook his head. Milan looked at him exasperated. “There was no way that someone like him, someone with so many followers would’ve looked at me and picked me,” Robbe mumbled. 

“Robbe, stop,” Milan cut him off, stepping forward as someone shuffled past them. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I must’ve done something.” 

Milan sent a pointed look in Robbe’s direction as Robbe glanced around the club. The music was thumping against Robbe’s ear, loud and obnoxious, and the lights were still flickering between bright florescent colors that bathed everyone in light. Out on the dance floor, Robbe managed to spot Jens, who had managed to rescue Lucas back from Zoë. They were dancing, kissing, and being _that_ obnoxious couple. He could see the back of Moyo’s head, talking with Aaron and Amber, and Noor was with Britt, dancing in the midst of the crowd and twirling each other. 

But, as Robbe moved to glance back at Milan, his eyes caught platinum blond hair and his breath caught in his throat. 

Sander. 

The man in question was across the room, talking with a group of guys that were talking excitedly to him. He was recounting a story, judging from the way he was moving his hands. He was wearing a white t-shirt, no leather jacket, and Robbe wouldn’t have been surprised if he was wearing his Doc Martens. He always wore at least one. He could tell that Milan was talking, but Robbe couldn’t hear him, a combination of the music and the fact that his focus was somewhere else.

A girl cut through the crowd of boys. She was as beautiful as Sander was, brown hair flowing down her back and wearing a long-sleeve crop-top and jeans. The girl wrapped her arms around Sander’s neck, standing on her toes to press a kiss against his lips, cutting him off mid-sentence. The guys that were around him cheered, whooping and hollering, as Sander wrapped his arms around the girl’s waist, kissing her back and dragging her closer against his chest, as she dragged him towards the dance floor. 

“Robbe,” Milan broke through, his hand on Robbe’s shoulder. 

Robbe blinked, bringing him back to reality. There was a concerned look on Milan’s face, scanning his face and reaching out to hold his arm. Robbe opened his mouth, closing it immediately afterward, trying to find the words but couldn’t find any. His eyes went back to the dance floor, there were too many people, too little room, and Robbe felt the overwhelming desire to flee, to get out of the club. He couldn’t be here. 

He didn’t even realize that he was starting to flee the club until he heard Milan shouting his name. His shout cut through and over the music, likely alerting their already concerned friends of his flight. But, he couldn’t think about that right now. He just needed to get out of there. Robbe shoved past people, headed in the general direction of the door, slammed into the wall, and followed the length of it until he found the door in question, throwing the doors open. The door hit the bouncer, who was standing outside, and he yelled at Robbe, but the brunet fled over the rail, turning left, and walked as fast as he could to create a vast difference between him and the club.

He needed to get away from the party and it’s pounding lights. 

He needed to get far away from Sander and the mysterious brunette girl. 

Despite Milan’s words, he couldn’t help but feel completely one-hundred percent _stupid_.

There were many reasons that Robbe felt stupid. But, the one, overwhelming thought that seemed to drown out all the others, pounding against his skull, was… Robbe kept walking, putting one foot over the other, getting as far away from that club that he could’ve gotten. He couldn’t hear the shouts of Milan or his friends anymore, replaced instead by the insistent buzz of his phone in the pocket of his jeans. His feet took him to the pier, over the railing, before his legs collapsed beneath him. 

Robbe shoved his eyes closed, tears spilling from the corners of his cheeks. 

How could he really believe… how could he really believe that someone like Sander, so beautiful and breathtaking, would be interested in someone like Robbe? There was a sea of people, a sea of people that followed Sander, and somehow, he had taken a look at Robbe and thought that he wanted to date him? It had been too good to be true, that Robbe’s fantasy crush on a famous Instagram profile would be interested in him. But, now that it was over, that it was out there that he had been _right_ all along, Robbe felt like his chest was being ripped open. 

It was too much. 

Robbe let out a scream, screaming out his frustrations and his anger, but not at Sander, but at himself, for being so, so, foolish. He didn’t care if someone found him, a police officer, his friends. He didn’t care. He just needed to scream. Frantically, he pulled at his hair, trying to give himself some relief to this bloodcurdling emotional pain that was ripping apart his chest and his lungs, but it did little to improve anything. The only thing it did was make Robbe’s scalp and throat raw. 

Fishing his phone out of his pocket, Robbe’s fingers found a familiar name on Instagram and sent a message:

_I know it’s late._

_And I completely understand if you say no._

_But, I can’t be around the guys now._

_Can I come over?_

Three bubbles popped up on the chat before Nick’s reply came to.

_Sure._

_Apartment 304._

_What’s wrong?_

Robbe didn’t answer, pushing himself to his feet and heading off to a new destination.

* * *

Robbe woke up alone and in a strange place. 

His head was pounding, likely from the alcohol that he drank once he had gotten to his destination in an attempt to drown the voices in his head, and his body was completely sore. But, he knew that it likely had to deal with the fact that he slept on a strange couch than anything else. His shirt and jacket were folded on the coffee table, he had spilled a quarter bottle of vodka on himself, he remembered, and his shoes were on the edge of the table. 

It took a little to remember where he had gone. 

He groaned, reaching for his phone which was plugged into the wall behind the couch. However, before he could check his messages, fire off an _I’m fine_ text, someone was sitting down on the coffee table and extending him a cup of water and some medicine. He glanced up, half-expecting it to be Nick, only to find a girl with black hair and green eyes that looked similar to Nick. He took the medicine from her, giving her a thankful smile, before he swallowed it down, “Thank you.”

“Your friends know that you’re safe,” the girl informed him, crossing her arms over her chest. “They were calling you and frankly, the constant ringing had started to become annoying so I answered the phone to let them know since you had passed out on the couch and Nick had already gone to bed. I hope that’s alright.” 

“Yes,” Robbe replied, grimacing at the bright light that poured through the curtains. He extended his hand towards the foreign girl. “I’m Robbe.”

She took his hand. “I know,” she stated, matter-of-factly and to the point. “I’m Nick’s sister, Clara.” 

“Oh.” 

“Nick had to go to work. He didn’t want you to wake up alone,” she continued, pushing herself to her feet and moving further into the apartment. She stopped before disappearing down the hallway and glanced back at him. “Nick said that you could use his shower if you needed it.” 

“I’m good, thank you,” Robbe mumbled, reaching out to grab his folded shirt from the coffee table. He slipped it on before getting up off the couch. The blanket that had covered him slipped off his shoulders and he quickly started folding it up. “I need to be getting back to my apartment. Where is this blanket from?”

“Back of the couch,” Clara informed. Robbe nodded his head, placing the thin sheet where it belonged. She hovered in the doorframe, watching Robbe put on his jacket, shove his phone in his pocket, and slip on his shoes. Her gaze was scrutinous and protective. It was likely that Nick had told Clara of Robbe before. But, if not, she definitely knew who he was after last night when he had shown up, unable to bear the thought of going home, and drinking a bottle of vodka. 

Robbe couldn’t blame her. 

“Thank you for letting me stay on the couch,” Robbe said, patting down his pockets as he moved towards the front door. He had his phone. He had his (wired) headphones. He had his keys. He was good to go home and leave the apartment that he had fled to. Somehow, that made it even worse, knowing that he was likely going to walk into a house filled with his overprotective friends who were, likely, angry that he hadn’t called. 

“You’re welcome,” Clara replied, her voice sounding softer than it had been before. “I… uh, I hope things get better for you. Whatever happened.” 

Robbe nodded his head, leaving the apartment. Clara closed the door behind him, locking it swiftly, as Robbe navigated his way to the elevator. By the time he was there, his backup headphones were in his ear, music blasting on the loudest he could manage, trying to drown out the world and his thoughts. The elevator ride was slow, leisurely, even though it was only three floors, and Robbe couldn’t have been more thankful when it opened into the lobby. 

As he was leaving the lobby of the apartment complex, he passed by someone carrying in bags of groceries and they bumped shoulders. He mumbled out a “sorry” before continuing on his way. Robbe didn’t glance up from his phone because he typing out a message to Jens to let him know he was headed to the apartment. He had enough people mad at him and he didn’t feel like getting yelled at for the fact that it was still partially difficult for Robbe to walk in a straight line.

* * *

To Robbe’s surprise, he arrived at an empty apartment.

None of his friends were home, or in their rooms, and he wasn’t bombarded with questions about where he was and what he was doing. There was the faint sound of music coming from Moyo and Noor’s room, likely Noor working on a sketch for her firm or her latest spray-painting masterpiece, and Robbe headed into his room, closing the door lightly so he wouldn’t disturb her. He took off his clothes, switching the jeans that he had slept in for baggy sweatpants and a different shirt, tossing both articles aside before climbing in his bed. 

His phone unlocked to the flatshare group chat and he remembered his promise to let Milan and Zoë that he had made it home.

_Casa of Milan, Robbe, + Zoënne_

_Robbe: I’m home._

_Milan: Good, I’m glad that you made it home safely._

_Zoë: I’m glad that you made it home safely as well._

_Zoë: Are you okay, Robbe? What happened?_

Despite all the pain and misery wrecking around him like a tornado, his heart swelled at Zoë’s message. He was glad that they were still friends since he moved out of the flatshare. Robbe started typing out a message about how they didn’t need to worry about him anymore because they didn’t live together. But, he paused, his thumb hovering over the send key, before he deleted the message and started again, sending that message without hesitation. 

_Robbe: I don’t want to talk about it._

_Milan: Robbe, I know it’s painful, but both of us are worried about you._

_Milan: You ran out of a club and didn’t tell anyone where you were going._

_Milan: I know you’re upset. But, you really worried all of us._

_Robbe: I’m sorry._

_Zoë: We know you’re sorry._

_Zoë: We just want to make sure that you are okay._

_Zoë: You know that Milan and I (and Senne) are there for you. No matter what._

_Milan: Yes, to all that._

A new message popped up in the group chat. It was Senne. Robbe blinked. Despite being a member of the group chat since it’s fruition, the man hardly ever used it. He liked to sit back and watch their bickering back-and-forth about whatever, but he hardly ever sent a message in it. Most of the time, his messages came through Zoë’s phone. 

_Senne: We’re worried about you._

_Milan: Oh, wow, Senne’s using the group chat. You know it’s serious._

Robbe paused biting down on his lip before typing frantically, tears starting to slip from his eyes when he sent the message. 

_Robbe: I saw Sander kissing a girl._

_Robbe: I needed to get out of there._

_Senne: Sander?_

_Zoë: The same Sander that texted you last weekend that the two of you_ _  
_ _were moving too fast and that he needed a break?_

_Robbe: No, the one that I hooked up with three years ago._

_Robbe: Yes, that’s the one._

_Milan: Well, at least we know one thing._

_Milan: His sarcasm still works._

_Zoë: He doesn’t know what he’s missing Robbe._

_Senne: I’m confused. Who’s Sander?_

Before Robbe could even figure out _what_ to say, someone was already typing out a response.

 _Milan: He’s an Instagram famous artist who Robbe had a crush on, then started_ _  
_ _dating, but then he said that he needed a break._

_Senne: Gotcha._

Desperate for _any other_ conversation, Robbe quickly turned the conversation away from him. 

_Robbe: How’s wedding planning?_

_Zoë: Excellent. Speaking of which, I want to take the three of you out._

_Zoë: To shop for your tuxes!_

_Milan: Did you guys move up the wedding without me realizing?_

_Robbe: I was going to ask the same thing._

_Zoë: No, we didn’t, but I want to make sure I have the right idea_ _  
_ _for your tuxes, so that was as it gets closer, you can go rent them._

_Zoë: Please? How does Thursday at noon sound to everyone?_

_Zoë: Don’t even try to lie your way out of it, Milan. You need to look nice!_

_Zoë: Besides, you never know who you might meet._

_Milan: Are you trying to tell me that you’re going to set me up?_

_Milan: At your own wedding?_

Shopping for tuxes was the absolute last thing that he wanted to do. Since Zoë and Robbe had become close, she had been trying to get Robbe into more “fitting” clothing. Robbe hated clothes were tight on him. It made him feel a bit self-conscious. Robbe was athletic and had muscles that he hid beneath his clothes, but no one seemed to get it. Back when Robbe wasn’t out, the others used to joke that all Robbe had to was take off his shirt to get a girl. But, Robbe was comfortable with all of his clothes hanging on him, seeming to be a few sizes too big. Plus, he didn’t like to dress up either. So, doing _both_ at once, it would be a literal nightmare.

But, he also knew that Zoë would get him in one eventually.

_Robbe: My class ends at 11 so I’m free after that._

_Zoë: Milan?_

_Milan: Fine. Sounds good to me._

_Milan: Promise you’ll make me look good?_

_Zoë: Always._

_Milan: Just let us know where we’re supposed to go._

_Robbe: Yes, please._

The door to his bedroom opened and Robbe glanced up. It was Jens, standing there with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and watching him with a perplexed, worried expression. “You okay, man?” Jens questioned, closing the door behind him before walking over to him. “We were all really worried about when you disappeared like that.” 

“I know,” Robbe whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Where did you end up going?” Jens questioned. 

“A pier near the club,” Robbe replied. “I screamed at the ocean. Then, I texted Nick to see if I could come over.”

Jens’ eyebrows disappeared beneath the hair that had fallen against his forehead. “Nick? As in the guy you liked back in high school?” Robbe nodded his head, glancing down at his phone. “Where did you two run into each other? Last I checked, he had you blocked on social media and you hadn’t talked since you… well, you know?”

“Yeah,” Robbe replied, letting out a breath and squeezing his phone. “We ran into each other last Thursday and I apologized. I’m sorry I just… I didn’t want to come home and have to answer a billion questions about what was going on. I just needed to not be here. He let me sleep on the couch and got me another bottle of vodka.”

Jens nodded his head. “You know that we’re always here to talk, right? I know the last time that you went through something major, you felt like you couldn’t talk to any of us. But, we’re here for you.” 

Robbe nodded his head. “I know, Jens. I know.” His best friend smiled, patting his shoulder. “I do need to get started on some school work or I’ll be behind all week.”

Somehow, Jens’ eyebrows shot higher than they did last time. “You’re going to do homework while hungover from at least two bottles of vodka.”

Robbe shrugged his shoulders, reaching out for his backpack and pulling out his laptop. “When else am I going to do it?” Jens laughed, leaving the comfort of Robbe’s bedroom, making a comment about how he’ll break down the door if Robbe refuses to eat again. The brunet laughed, checking his phone one last time before he started studying again. 

To his relief, there wasn’t a fresh text message on the screen (or, maybe, dismay because there wasn’t a text from a bleach-blond man about what had happened, an explanation about what was going on, even though he didn’t know Robbe was even there) so Robbe tossed his phone aside and cracked open his textbook.

* * *

_Hey Robbe._

_Lucas and Noor seemed pretty worried about you on Saturday._

_Are you okay?_

At this point, Sander’s messages were seared in his mind. He didn’t need to have his phone open or on the messages to see the words. They were screen-printed on the inside of his eyelids, popping up whenever he closed his eyes, blinking. He didn’t even need to have an Instagram notification to be reminded of them either. Ever since Robbe had been dragged by Jens and Noor (both demanding a brief explanation) to lunch on Sunday and came back to find them on his phone, sent to him while Robbe had been studying, he seemed to be constantly focused on them, trying to decipher their hidden meaning.

He’s just trying to be nice, Robbe finally decided on Tuesday. 

There was nothing there.

He had already moved on. 

Robbe told himself this so many times that he believed it. Sander had moved on. Robbe should do the same. 

So, why was he on Sander’s Instagram every day?

Robbe blamed it on habit, constantly checking his Instagram feed, scrolling absent-mindedly past photos of his friends and skaters, looking _specifically_ for someone with platinum blond hair and a leather jacket. There were absent-minded sketches that he would post, but only half unfinished or shot in a way that didn’t reveal the entire picture. A shoulder here, a sketch of the bakery across the street from his apartment (which Robbe only knew because he stopped had there once he had left Nick’s apartment), an empty warehouse. 

Sander carried on with his life, moving between posting photos and holding Instagram lives. And, despite the voice in the back of his head that tells him that he shouldn’t, Robbe watched every one of them. He would hide his phone, put his wired headphones in one ear, and listen to them. Every time there was a new, foreign voice off to the side, his heart clenched because there’s a thought in his mind, _what if it was that girl?_

But, it never was. 

As the week went on, Robbe felt like there was little that he could do to move on. He was doing it to himself, sure, because Robbe was the one seeking out Sander and his Instagram posts. He had shut off notifications from Sander’s profile, unable to bear the thought of opening one up and seeing a vague reference to _any_ relationship, but he was constantly the one that was opening up the app, typing in Sander’s profile name, and staring at his photos, both new and old, that popped up on his profile.

His phone buzzed. 

Another message from Sander and he felt like his heart might come loose in his chest. 

When Robbe opened it up, his eyes caught sight of his own image sketched on a piece of paper. The picture depicted Robbe in bed, wrapped up in sheets, eyes closed and his hair all messed up, from sleep or sex or maybe even something else. Beneath the sketch, there were words, so small that Robbe had to pull up the picture and zoom in to properly see it. 

_In another universe..._

Robbe’s heart thumped in his chest, the ramblings of his professor long forgotten as he turned to the message, looking it over. Yasmina sent him a knowing look as she reached over to tap his shoulder. His teacher was looking at him disapprovingly, but Robbe couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

Not right now, anyway.

* * *

“Quit squirming!” 

Robbe flailed. “You’re choking me!” 

“Well,” the bride-to-be replied, giving him a pointed look as she fiddled with the deep red cloth in her fingertips, “If you stopped squirming like a child, you wouldn’t be choking while I’m trying to tie this dang thing.” 

From their spots on the couch, Milan was laughing. In fact, he was laughing so hard that his voice had gone quiet, unable to be heard anymore. His phone was forgotten on the couch, his arms wrapped around himself, and lightly wheezing. Robbe didn’t understand what was so funny about the entire thing, but even Senne had an amused look on his face, but that might’ve just been because of Milan. 

Robbe felt weird. Neither of the other men had tried on stuff yet. Once they had walked into the store, Zoë had grabbed Robbe by the back of the neck and practically _forced_ him to be chosen first. Robbe didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. At least, he didn’t have to wait patiently for the rest of them, dreading being summoned to change, but at the same time, he felt weird being the only one dressed up. 

“Milan,” Zoë spoke up, moving away from Robbe. “It’s your turn.”

Milan’s laughter turned into protests as the blonde grabbed his hand and _dragged_ him into the dressing room.

Robbe watched the two of them disappear, digging his hands into the pockets of the trousers that he had been forced into. Even though Robbe knew that they fit exactly the way that they were supposed to, the clothes felt too tight on him, too constraining. But, Robbe was used to buying and wearing clothes that were consistently one size too big, hanging on him like protective armor. Robbe thought this was a lot of work for a suit that he was only going to wear a handful of times. Robbe had never been the type of person to dress up and the less that Robbe had to do it, the better. 

But, it was for Zoë and her wedding. 

Plus, if Robbe was going to walk her down the aisle, he needed to look nice or he might screw up the photos.

“You look nice,” Robbe blinked back into reality as Senne pushed himself up from the couch. The older brunet snagged the cloth from around Robbe’s neck, working on tying it together with a lot more grace and sureness than Zoë had displayed. When Robbe tried to squirm away, Senne pulled him back lightly by the jacket of the suit he wore. Then, just like that, the tie was complete. “There.” 

Robbe glanced down at his socked feet before returning his eyes to Senne. “I feel like a fucking doll.” 

“At least you look good,” Senne laughed, stepping out of the way of the mirror and practically forcing himself to look at his reflection. “It’s amazing how good you look when you’re actually wearing clothes that fit you properly.” 

“Careful, Senne,” Robbe mumbled, staring at his reflection. Despite the level of discomfort that Robbe was feeling in these trousers and jacket, he had to admit that he _did_ look nice. The trousers, the white button-up, and the jacket fit him perfectly. It was almost as if the articles of clothing were perfectly tailored to his appearance. “I don’t want Zoë to think that I’m attempting to steal you from her.” 

Zoë had returned, moving up in front of him and buttoning up his jacket. “If it has to be anyone, I’m glad that it’s you, Robbe,” she spoke, smiling. Robbe laughed, the first genuine laugh that he’s made in days, and Zoë’s eyes lit up as she stared at him. “See, look! You’re so handsome when you wear the right clothes!”

“Are you trying to say that I’m not handsome in the clothes I currently wear?” Robbe spoke, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout. 

Zoë sent him a glare, lightly slapping the side of his face. “That isn’t what I meant and you _know_ it.” Robbe laughed, shoving her hand away as she attempted to unbutton the jacket. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to figure out which one looks better. I want you and Milan to look uniform! Plus, you never know who you might meet at the wedding. You might meet the man of your dreams and, if you do, you must look your best!” 

Robbe’s heart sank, but he tried to put on an optimistic smile as he spoke, “Please, whatever you do, do _not_ set me up at your wedding.”

Zoë laughed, moving back towards the fitting room. “Milan! What in the world is taking you so long? You put one leg in than the other.” Senne laughed, throwing his head back as he did so. 

The man of his dreams…

Robbe’s heart sunk because he thought that he had already found him, the man of his dreams, in every universe. Maybe, that was why he couldn’t move on or try to move on or even _think_ of moving on. There was no man of his dreams in his future, because he was rooted in the past, in the back of his mind, back in an abandoned pool and on an Instagram profile. 

Sander.

His mind instantly brought up the memory in the alleyway after fleeing the pool, the dazzling, dazed grin of his as their hips rolled together. Then, the image switched to the two of them back in Sander’s bed after dinner on Thursday, going a little too far but never crossing into _more_ , tasting of pizza and each other. How happy Sander had looked in that moment, hanging over him with his hands beneath his shirt, trying to get it off of him again before snuggling into the crook of his neck just wanting to _be_ with each other. 

Then, it’s quickly squashed by Sander kissing the girl in the club, washing over him like a bucket of icy cold water.

Robbe let out a sigh and Senne sent him a worried look, opening his mouth to say something. 

“Hey.” 

The two of them turned towards the front of the store, to whoever had interrupted him, and Robbe’s heart practically _catapulted_ out of his chest. Sure, there had been some internal part of him that had been wishing and _hoping_ that he might show up, to explain, but that didn’t give Sander the right to actually _show up_ so unannounced and unconcerned with the fact that Robbe was struggling to breathe. 

It was highly unfair, Robbe mused, that Sander could manage to look _that_ breathtaking so easily. He was wearing a beige beanie over his head and his black leather jacket around his shoulders. He wore a black band shirt, the rare pair of blue denim jeans, and his Doc Martens. Despite the fact that there was a slightly nervous grin on his face, Robbe could see the bags beneath his green eyes and the sadness in them as they stared deeply at him, flitting over his body as if he was trying to take it all in.

“Hey,” Robbe managed to force out. 

Senne’s eyes flickered over to him, understanding over his eyes. “Sander, long time no see,” Senne spoke, curtly. Robbe glanced at him, surprised. 

Sander blinked, turning his gaze towards Senne like he hadn’t even realized that there was someone else near Robbe. Then, there seemed to be a brighter grin on Sander’s face. “Senne,” Sander greeted, practically beaming. “It’s been a bit.” 

Senne nodded his head, glancing at Robbe, who was silently demanding an explanation. “Remember when I moved out of the flatshare after Zoë and I broke up?” Robbe nodded. How could he forget? He was the one awake at seven, hanging out in the hallway, trying to give them a moment of privacy. Even when he had spotted Robbe in the hallway, stopping briefly, Senne had blown right past him, concealing his emotions, as Robbe went to comfort Zoë, who was sobbing in the kitchen. “Sander and I were roommates in another flatshare.”

“Oh,” Robbe spoke up.

Senne turned back to Sander before glancing back at Robbe. “I’ll go see what’s taking the two of them so long.” 

Robbe nodded his head, his throat getting dry. Senne stepped away from them, moving towards the dressing room where Milan and Zoë had disappeared to. “Okay,” Robbe managed. Senne stopped, glancing back to him, trying to remain impassive. “Don’t forget that you have to try one on too. You _are_ the one getting married after all.” 

Senne grinned at him. “I’ll wait until you get dressed back in your baggy clothes. Don’t want to show you up and you get jealous.” After Robbe flipped him off, he disappeared down the hallway. 

Robbe glanced towards Sander, who was still rooted in the same spot. The blond’s green eyes were still flickering over Robbe, dressed in the suit that Zoë and the attendant practically had to _force_ on him. As Robbe took a step towards him, Sander’s eyes returned to his face before briefly glancing over Robbe’s shoulder. He pivoted to see, but there was no one there. When he turned back around, Sander was looking at him again.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Robbe echoed, wrapping his arms around his body. He wasn’t entirely sure why he did it. Maybe it was to guard him against Sander, to protect himself from whatever might happen next. Maybe, it was to hold himself back from throwing himself at Sander, attacking his lips with his own and kissing him until he never thought about the girl at the club again. But, Robbe knew that he had needed space. Or, at least, that’s what he had said. “What are you doing here?” 

Sander seemed surprised. “I was walking by on my way back from lunch with some friends and saw you so I thought I would come in to say hi,” he replied, gesturing towards the door. Robbe felt a hot flash of jealousy that flashed through his system, causing every nerve in his body to ignite like a flame. “You look nice.” 

“Thanks,” Robbe replied. 

“I’d rate you five stars on booking,” Sander spoke, a slight lift to his voice, the flirtatious tease in his eyes as he stared at Robbe, his eyes going up and down his body, slowing and surely. 

While his mind and heart did thump a bit at the implication, the jealousy in his gut was quickly replaced with anger. Robbe didn’t understand Sander, didn’t understand anything at all about this entire situation. One minute, Sander was telling Robbe that he needed a break that they were moving too fast and not even a week later, he was dancing at a club with a girl (and, according to Milan, who had told Robbe even though he didn’t really want to know, it was _not_ innocent). Now, he was standing here in front of him, acting as if nothing had ever happened, and _flirting_ with him (and undressing him with his eyes). 

“How was that girl at the club?” 

Sander blinked. “Huh?” 

“At the party on Saturday,” Robbe continued, his fingers at his tie as he undid it, or attempted to. “The girl that you were dancing with and kissing.”

“Oh,” Sander whispered. 

“What was she?” Robbe questioned. 

“Nothing compared to you.” 

_Yeah, right_. Robbe turned away from him, heading back to get into his jeans and hoodie. 

“Robbe, wait.” 

“Sander,” Robbe spoke, turning back around. Sander looked as grief-stricken as Robbe felt. His stomach ripped apart at the sight of Sander, who was always so confident, so sure of himself, looking as upset and unsure. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Sander confessed, his voice so quiet that Robbe almost missed it. 

“I’m already hurting,” Robbe replied. There’s a look that crosses Sander’s face before he looked at his feet and Robbe stepped away, unable to stand there any longer. 

As Robbe turned the corner into the dressing room, Zoë practically ran into him, a confused look on her expression. She looked like she was about to pull him out to where he had just been with Sander. But, she must’ve caught sight of the blond artist because she didn’t. She wrapped a protective arm around him, pulling him back in the dressing room. 

* * *

Sander posted a picture on Thursday night. 

Well, that’s not true. It was late on Thursday night, so late that Thursday night had blended into Friday morning. Robbe should’ve been asleep, sleeping or trying to get some sleep, before he had a class in about, he squinted at the time, eight hours. But, Robbe had fallen asleep, waking up rather violently because he dreamed of the blond artist stripping him of his clothes and pressing heated kisses _everywhere_ that Dream Sander could’ve possibly touched. 

So, despite having class in the morning, despite the fact that Robbe was still disappointed that Sander had found him in that tuxedo shop but didn’t offer a real explanation about what had happened and why it had all happened, Robbe was sitting here in the middle of the night, his eyes glued on the phone and his finger hanging in the air, trying to decide if he should like the picture. 

Robbe lowered his thumb, staring at the picture. 

Sander was standing in a wooded area, looking down at his camera. But, it wasn’t right. It was like the negatives were out of place or purposely manipulated to where it looked like it was flickering, not matching up. It was like he, or the camera, had completely glitched out. There was a red echo on the photo, of Sander’s face, his hands holding his vintage camera, the trees behind him. 

His eyes dragged over the caption beneath it.

 _Lived with the best times_ _  
_ _Left with the worst_

Robbe’s mind had felt the familiar pull of the lyrics and it’s only a quick Google search to confirm his suspicions. 

David Bowie. 

Robbe locked his phone, dropping it on the bedsheets. He turned over, wrapping the sheets around his shoulders. Despite the fact that everyone had been asleep, the apartment was too loud. He could hear the sound of Jens’ snoring. He could hear the sounds of everyone outside. It was all too loud. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he opened his phone again, pulling up a random playlist, and setting it back down. 

David Bowie played through his phone’s speaker and Robbe let out a sigh, relaxing into the sheets and slightly praying that he wouldn’t dream of Sander again. He wasn’t for sure if he could wake up again into the universe where they weren’t together and his heart would break again because the dream wasn’t real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it Zoenne or Zoënne? Let me know. 
> 
> I had a concept, but I don't remember what it is at the moment. I'm sure I'll think of it eventually. ;
> 
> I think you guys might know what's coming next chapter. 😏


	5. Graffiti Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys know what's coming 😏😏😏
> 
> I apologize for such a long wait for this chapter. School started back up this week and I'm TRYING to be a good student/get ahead and keep up on my homework so I won't be completely overwhelmed by homework later on in the semester. I'm going to try and get the remaining chapters written, at least roughly, before the end of this three-day weekend or later this week, but I want to write the best that I can for you guys so I'm not going to stress myself out about it. 
> 
> But, thank you guys for being patient with me. I'm so glad that all of you are enjoying this story and can't wait to see more. 
> 
> I love you all. Enjoy!

“You lost _miserably_!” Robbe teased, elbowing Jens roughly in the side. His black-haired best friend rolled his eyes, shoving him back in the shoulder as he drew Lucas closer against his body with the harsh winter wind blowing them in the face. 

Of the group’s significant others, Lucas had been the only one interested in going to play a round of mini-golf with the rest of the group and Noor had decided to hang out at the apartment, waiting for their arrival. Robbe isn’t sure why Amber hadn’t joined them. Jens’ birthday wasn’t for a couple of weeks but, after Moyo had let it slip about possibly mini-golf, he had exclaimed that he didn’t want to do that on his birthday, he wanted to do it now. So, they had spent the better part of Saturday morning at an indoor, blacklight minigolf place, laughing at the way that their teeth glowed purple and going through a second time when Jens and Moyo tied the first time around.

Though all of them played, Moyo had a higher score of the two (Robbe had technically won the second set).

Lucas drew his arms tighter around Jens’ shoulders, pressing a kiss against his jaw. “Well, you’re _my_ miserable loser.”

Jens laughed, and so did the others, as he turned to press a kiss against Lucas’ lips, gripping his shoulder with one hand as he reached to slap Robbe upside the head with the other. “Thanks, babe.”

“Gross,” Aaron spoke. The comment was light-hearted and he was laughing through it anyways. Both Jens and Lucas shoved him away, causing him to nearly fall over. Of the bunch, Aaron was definitely the most clumsy of them all. “Save it for the bedroom later. This is guys’ night!” 

Robbe laughed, moving off to the bench that had long since been claimed as _theirs_. “As if,” Robbe replied, jumping up to sit on the back of it. Lucas sat between Robbe’s ankles, letting the smaller man drape his arms over his shoulders. “Don’t lie, Aaron. You would have your tongue down Amber’s throat if she was here!” 

“It’s true, bro,” Jens replied, hovering on the side of the bench as Aaron flopped down beside Lucas. 

Lucas nodded his head, patting his shoulder. 

Moyo laughed, nodding his head and wrapping his arm around his chest. “Seriously though, the two of you are physically linked. I’m surprised that she didn’t go with us.” 

It’s true. In the four years since Aaron had first started dating Amber, in which the three months before he harbored a seemingly one-sided crush on a girl who refused his affections, the two of them had both grown as people and as a couple. What the rest of them had believed to have only been a high school fascination had quickly grown into something more. Aaron had met most of Amber’s family and vice versa. In all honesty, it was only a matter of time before they went further, taking the next step like Senne and Zoë. 

(Unbeknownst to Aaron, they all had a bet going on about _when_ Aaron was going to pop the question. Robbe had his money on next December 20th, which was the anniversary of their first kiss. Moyo was betting on sometime in the summer and Jens was saying next October, back when they went to the beach house. Lucas tried to remain impartial and out of the bet, but Noor had willingly jumped in, saying Valentine’s Day.)

“She wanted to,” Aaron replied. 

“Why didn’t she?” Robbe questioned, raising his eyebrows. 

“Something is going on with her cousin,” Aaron informed them, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know a lot of the details, but they’ve always been pretty close. She’s pretty worried about him so she wanted to be with him today. She didn’t want to leave him alone so she decided not to come.” Robbe nodded his head and Jens pulled a joint from behind his ear. “But, she did want me to tell you that she’s completely down for another round of mini-golf like next week or whenever her cousin gets better.” 

“Hey guys,” Moyo spoke up. The group turned towards Moyo, who was looking off in the distance. There was a slight smile growing on his face, of shock or something completely else. His eyes darted between all of them, before landing on Robbe. “See anything familiar?” 

Aaron glanced, letting out an exclamation of “Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” 

Jens turned too, his mouth falling open in shock. 

Lucas stood up from between his ankles, giving Robbe the freedom to fully turn around. 

Across the river, there stood an abandoned building. The building had always stood across the river from their hang out spot and it had always looked the same, remaining static in their otherwise hectic social and school lives. But, it was different now. And, Robbe’s face was plastered on the side of it, inside of a heart-shaped explosion of the brick wall. 

Robbe recognized it instantly from the sketch that Sander had shown him in the apartment. 

_Chernobyl_.

Robbe’s breath caught in his throat. 

_Imagine it on a big wall with these intense colors._

While Robbe had been flattered at the implication of Sander spray-painting his face on the wall for the world to see, kissing him in the middle of his kitchen, he had never expected the blond Instagram artist to actually do such a thing. But, there it was, for the world to see, in all its bright, intense colors and the implications that strung in Robbe’s core. 

If Robbe hadn’t known any better, the entire thing read like a confession of love. It felt like an _I love you_ , but the implication was quickly consumed by the image of a brown-haired girl in the club, her lips on his and his hands on her waist as she pulled him into the dance mob. 

“Robbe, did you do that?” it was Moyo, pulling him from diving further into his thoughts. 

Robbe gave him a look, knowing that it was a joke. Robbe’s art skills were minimal at best. All he could really do was make a really, really good stick figure and a handful of molecules when he needed to. In fact, he could name a handful of things that he could do better than drawing. Skateboarding is the only one among them that he would ever admit to. As if knowing, Moyo grinned at him. 

“That’s absolutely insane,” Jens mumbled, glancing at Robbe. He looked like he was about to say something else before he was cut off by one of the others. 

“Who do you think did it?” it was Aaron. 

“Looks quite sexy,” Lucas admitted. 

Jens looked at his boyfriend with an eyebrow raised. “Is there something that I need to know?” Lucas grinned at him, shaking his head, but Jens didn’t seem convinced. Robbe rolled his eyes. Lucas could play Jens like a fiddle and they _all_ knew it.

“It is sexy. I think it’s something in the look, man,” Moyo agreed, holding up his phone in an attempt to take a picture. To his right, Aaron nodded his head. “I got to send it to Noor. She loves dragging me around the city to look at all the spraypainting.”

Jens sent a curious glance towards Robbe. 

“We’ve got to get closer. I’m only getting blurry images,” Moyo announced, tugging on Robbe’s shoulder and gesturing for him to follow. “Let’s go.” 

* * *

“Woah!” 

It was Noor, moving towards them and staring at the mural with wide eyes and an open mouth. 

Robbe was sitting on the edge of the pier, blatantly refusing to be in the photo that Moyo, Jens, and Aaron were taking (Lucas was holding the camera, not wanting to be in it either). It was likely going to be on Instagram within the hour, being tagged in the photo was a definite thing that was going to happen, but Robbe couldn’t stop staring at the mural. From across the pier, it didn’t seem as big as it did right now, looming over the group of them and staring out at the river and the skatepark across the way. 

But, it was huge. 

The mural easily covered the entire wall and Robbe didn’t want to think about how _long_ it had taken in the cold temperatures that had been hanging around lately because it _certainly_ hadn’t been here last week. 

Noor glanced towards Robbe, squatting down beside him. “I feel like I don’t have to tell you that Sander did this?”

For a brief moment, he had forgotten that he had told her and Jens about Sander, about everything that had happened between them. It caught him off guard, but then, he let out a sigh, turning back towards the mural which the boys were still admiring. “Yeah, I know,” Robbe replied, waving at Jens who glanced over. “He showed me a sketch and said something about it, but I didn’t think that he would… Wait, how do you know?”

“I recognize the tags,” Noor admitted, gesturing around vaguely. “We used to spray together back when we were at the Academy. Plus, he was there when I was finishing up the mural.”

“He was?” Robbe questioned. 

Noor nodded her head as Jens approached the two of them, his hands in his pockets. Aaron, Moyo, and Lucas were talking, looking over the wall still. Noor continued, smiling at the newcomer, “He walked up to us but you had to step away because your mom called.” Robbe nodded his head. He remembered. If that man had really been Sander, he didn’t have a clue at the time, would’ve noticed. But, he did an excellent job of hiding his identity, wearing a black mask and being surrounded by shadows. 

“Yeah, I remember,” Robbe mumbled, running a hand through his hair as he stared at his friends. 

Jens glanced at Noor, who returned his gaze. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, spit it out guys,” Robbe spoke up. 

“How do you feel with the fact that your face is on a gigantic wall across from the skatepark that you always hang out at?” Jens spoke up. 

“Self-conscious,” Robbe admitted. 

He had never done well in the spotlight, having all eyes focused solely on him. Even if he genuinely had a good time, the vlogs that they did in high school, and for the first couple years of their college career before they rarely got the chance to do them, were mostly to hang out with his friends and have a good time. Plus, the only people who really saw them were their friends and about a thousand other people that they didn’t really know enough for Robbe to feel _that_ self-conscious. 

But, this was something different. 

It felt like something intimate, something that should only be reserved between Robbe and Sander, but it was on full display, on a wall plastered for the world to see. Despite Sander’s loving touches and gentle words, he seemed to … _love_ so loud that it was deafening and unwavering and unable to question the sincerity of his words. But, Robbe couldn’t stop thinking about Sander’s actions, both with the mural in front of him but also the texts, the girl… 

It made Robbe… 

“Confused,” Robbe spoke up. Noor glanced at him. “I’m confused…” 

“About?” Jens prompted. 

“Everything,” Robbe admitted. “Just everything that’s happened between us. One minute, he’s with me and treating me like… like… I don’t know…” Noor patted his shoulder, sitting down on the concrete, and Jens stood still, listening. “And, then, I get a text saying that we’re moving too fast and that we need to take a break. But, less than a week later, he’s kissing a girl in a club.” 

“Maybe he’s afraid,” Jens questioned. 

“I don’t know,” Robbe admitted, running a hand through his hair again. “I don’t, I really don’t understand what’s going on or even what his feelings for me are. If I don’t even know that, how is any of it going to work?” 

“Robbe,” Noor spoke up, wrapping her jacket tighter around his shoulders. She gestured to the wall in front of them. “No matter what happened, I think Sander just told you how he really feels.” 

Glancing at the mural, Robbe knew that she was right. He could feel it in his bones, down his spine, as the other boys moved to leave, pulling Robbe with him. However, before he left, he pulled out his phone, taking a picture of the mural and ignoring Moyo’s comments. Once the picture was taken, he shoved the phone back into his pocket before walking off ahead of them, ignoring his friends’ shouts to wait up. 

* * *

_earthlingoddity has posted to his story._

Without even hesitating, Robbe pulled it up. 

As his friends moved around him, trying to decide on dinner because they hadn’t gotten that far, as Aaron sent a message to Amber about the mural, he pulled the phone to him, hoping to hide what he was doing from his nosy friends. Robbe didn’t know what he was hoping for in terms of the story. Maybe he was hoping for some sort of indication that he had done it, that he had taken so much time to do it, but Robbe didn’t find anything involving the mural.

Honestly, even though he was slightly disappointed, he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

Spray-painting the side of a building _was_ a crime.

There’s a photo of Sander, a croque hanging from between his mouth, and a caption in white letters. 

_My cousin knows me so well_

Robbe swiped to his messages. 

He was going to write to him about the mural, ask Sander what he meant by the mural, to get some clarification. But, Robbe paused, his thumbs hanging above the keys, unable to type even a _hey_. Robbe locked his screen, shoving his phone in his pocket and burying his face in his hands, running one through his hair.

“Hey,” Noor spoke, pulling things out of the fridge. “Is Amber joining us for dinner?”

“No, she and her cousin are having dinner already,” Aaron replied, glancing up from her phone. “But, she might be coming over later. Or, I might be going over there. It depends.” 

“Alright,” Noor replied, nodding her head.

“Dinner for six it is then!” Lucas responded, moving to help her. 

“Everyone out of the kitchen,” Noor demanded. The Broerrrs all hurried out of there, wanting to avoid Noor’s cooking frenzy. When she was in control of the kitchen, she tended to be mean and she was not opposed to hitting one of them with a spatula if they got in her way. 

* * *

At the top of the messages with Sander, there was a greeting, a “ _good morning?_ ” from last Thursday, before he had seen Robbe with Senne in the tuxedo shop. Despite everything that had happened, despite the fact that he knew Robbe had been at the club, he had still made the effort. Though Robbe had been angry, and still slightly angry, though the anger had since melted into confusion, it was touching that Sander still reached out to see how he was doing, to wish him a good morning, even when Robbe had not been responding back.

Below that, the messages that he had finally managed to type out and send about an hour ago were hanging beneath his good morning message from last Thursday. 

_Hey Sander._

_Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you yet_

_But that wall…_

_That was the drawing you showed me right?_

_Could you come by?_

_Or… I could come over to your place, to talk?_

The longer that he stared at it, the longer he felt a little desperate to hear back. 

But, in all honesty, Robbe wasn’t even certain that he _would_ hear back from Sander. 

Robbe had seen the mural on Saturday afternoon, spent the better part of Saturday night staring at the photo he had taken, at Sander’s public, loud declaration. On Sunday, he had spent the evening at the clinic with his mom, but he didn’t want to trouble her with such things so he kept the photo to himself, keeping it from his mother, and trying to pass off the anticipation and stress as something else, stress about a test, or something anything else, trying to remain present with his mom. 

“Promise me that you’ll talk about it when you’re ready,” his mother had spoken, mumbling as he started to leave. She had reached out to take his hand, squeezing it gently. “You don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders just become I’m in here. You’ve got Jens and the boys and Zoë and Milan.”

Robbe smiled, kissing her forehead. “I know, Mama,” he replied. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“But, I’m going to,” his mother replied, staring up at him from her bed. “You’re my son. I’m always going to worry about you.”

Finally, on Monday, as his brain wandered to Sander in his afternoon class, he finally managed to work up the nerve, opening his laptop and typing out the messages in rapid succession. The anxiousness and anticipation were bubbling in his chest, squeezing him on the inside as he tried to focus on the same paragraph that he’s been trying to read for almost thirty minutes, maybe an hour. Whatever productivity had fostered in his chest last week had vanished, leaving him paralyzed, flat on his back and unable to focus outside of one, singular thought that ran through his mind.

_Sander._

The texts.

Robbe ran a hand through his hair, discarding the textbook to the side so he could roll over, burying his face in the sheets. They didn’t smell like Sander, he had never been over here, but, as irrational as it was, Robbe couldn’t help craving his scent right now, wanting to bury his face in the crook of his neck and hold him as tight as could, like he desperately wanted to. He let out a groan, resting his chin on the crook of his arm as he tried to calm his thoughts. 

Maybe, Sander was busy. 

Maybe, he had a project or a commission that he needed to work on and that was why he hadn’t responded back yet. 

But, Robbe might’ve waited too long, trying to figure out what he had wanted for himself, if he was willing to risk giving his heart to someone who had awoken it then stepped back without releasing his heart fully back to his chest. Maybe that’s why it took him so long to reach out, so long to figure out if he was willing to risk it all over again, because Robbe didn’t know if he would be capable of Sander breaking his heart a second time around. 

It had taken him days to send the text, to tell Sander that he had seen the mural

And, at the end of the day, there was only one reason that it all boiled down to _why_ it took him that long to send those six text messages: he was a coward, unable to handle the prospect of Sander rejecting him. 

* * *

“Sander?” 

Robbe doesn’t know how he’s there, because he could barely open his eyes and it was hard to tell if they were open or closed, but he could just vaguely see the trusts of platinum-blond hair and the outline of a leather jacket before his lips are on his, his body hovering over him. Robbe clung to him, pulling him against his chest and wrapping his legs around his waist. Sander sunk against him, putting more of his body weight on Robbe, and his long fingers dug into Robbe’s hair, tugging lightly and causing him to sigh into the kiss. 

There’s a mischevious smirk on Sander’s face as he pulled back. Robbe doesn’t know quite how he knows that because it’s still hard to tell whether his eyes are open or closed, but he does, and he cranes up to chase his lips, finding them briefly, pressing featherlight kisses against them that should really only be counted as brief brushing of their lips, before Sander was pushing him back against the bed. 

Sander’s lips were on his neck, slowly traveling down along his before latching onto his collar bone, as his free hand pushed up his shirt. 

_Wait,_ his mind screamed at him. _This wasn’t right._

Robbe shot up in his bed, the textbook that had been on his chest falling onto the floor with a loud _thump_ that resounded through his bedroom. There’s movement from across the hall, Jens must still be awake, and Robbe ran a hand through his hair, exhaling deeply, and blindly reaching for his phone as it dinged. Jens. 

_You okay?_

_Yeah, just had a bad dream and woke up._

_Must’ve fallen asleep with my textbook._

_Okay._

_Get some sleep._

_You too._

Robbe let out a sigh, running his hands through his hair, the dream rushing back to him in an instant. The path of his neck that Dream Sander had followed lit up like a flame, burning beneath his skin. Robbe’s cheeks and chest flushed and he was thankful that the dream hadn’t gone any further or else he might’ve woken up to something else. Yet, at the same time, Robbe had wanted it to be real. 

It had been days since Robbe had sent him those messages, asking him to come over and never getting a response back. He still hadn’t heard from Sander and he knew that Sander had seen them, from the bubble of his face beneath the message. If it hadn’t been obvious to him on Monday, it certainly was now as Robbe flopped back on his bed, ignoring the piles of notes that were surrounding him. 

Robbe had waited too long. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, pinching his nose, as he rested his phone against his chest. 

With each passing day, he was more and more convinced that he should’ve gone straight to Sander’s apartment. He didn’t have a key to get into the front gate, but Robbe was nimble and quick enough (and daring enough) to climb the fence, and if all else failed, he could always ask Nick or Clara to let him in. He should’ve gone up to Sander’s apartment, knocked on the door until he answered or waited until he got home from wherever he had been, because he needed answers and needed to see him, to hold him, to _kiss_ him, to know that it was all real, that painting a gigantic mural of his face _meant_ something and wasn’t something of a thing that he decided to do just because. 

He needed to know.

But, because Robbe waited too long, it might’ve been too late for him to get the answers that he needed. 

Without thinking, he switched to his messages with Sander, staring down at his own words and the six messages that he used to get it all out. He ran a hand through his hair, wondering if he should say something else, but three bubbles popped up.

His heart thumped. 

The bubbles were there, indicating that Sander was, in fact, trying to figure out something to say, and they stayed there for several minutes, floating above the keyboard, before they disappeared completely. Robbe waited a couple of minutes for the message to come through, but it never did. Whatever it was that Sander had been typing, he had deleted it. 

Robbe let out a breath that he didn’t fully realize he was holding, locking his phone and putting it against his chest. As he sunk further into the sheets, trying to relax enough to go back to sleep before his class in the morning, Robbe’s mind wandered to Sander, which wasn’t _that_ much of a surprise because it frequently did as such lately. But, now, Robbe couldn’t help wondering if Sander was just as conflicted as Robbe was. 

* * *

At the sight of the mural, Robbe let out a sigh. 

It was still there, bright and beautiful across the water, but Robbe couldn’t help noticing the number of stares that were focused in his direction. There were the skaters that they would normally see, parents who had brought their children to the playground to run around and scream to their heart’s content, and even the old man that was always feeding the birds seemed to be staring at him now. 

“Why are people staring?” Robbe groaned, kicking his skateboard beneath their normal bench and flopping down on it. 

Jens picked up his board, laying it across on his lap as he sat down beside him. “I don’t know, Robbe,” Jens admitted, his face impassive and straight. “It might have to do with the fact that there’s a giant mural across the water with your face on it.” 

Robbe snatched the joint behind his ear and placed it in his mouth. Jens let out a muffled protest as the smaller one of them pulled out the lighter from his pocket and lit the end of the joint expertly. Robbe inhaled deeply, the smoke filling up his lungs, and he had no protests when Jens snatched the joint, rolling his eyes at his friends. Robbe exhaled, the smoke pouring from his lips.

“Have you heard from him?” Jens questioned.

“Huh?”

“Sander,” Jens clarified, gesturing across the water. “Have you heard back from him yet?” 

Robbe shook his head. “No,” Robbe admitted, not liking how sad his own voice sounded. “But, he’s opened the messages and I thought he was responding back on Wednesday. I saw the bubbles pop up like he was texting but he didn’t send anything.” Robbe let out a sigh, burying his face in his hands. “Then, he randomly liked two of my Instagram posts yesterday. I don’t get it, Jens.”

“Which ones?”

Robbe pulled out his phone to show him and Jens scooted closer to see. 

The first photo had been a group photo with the guys at Zoë and Senne’s engagement party, before Lucas had been such an intricate part of their flat dynamic, before Noor had dragged Robbe off to the abandoned warehouse. It was weird to think about, Robbe realized, how quickly Lucas had gone from barely being there, sneaking away before Moyo and Aaron woke up, to _always_ being there.

The next photo was one from years ago, back when they were high school and back when Robbe was still firmly in the closet. Robbe in the picture had his mouth wide open with his head tilted back, two beers in his hand. He remembered the dare, vaguely, to try and pour both of them in his mouth without spilling it. The photo captioned right before he failed miserably, spilling it over his chest, and his friends had laughed out loud, teasing him. 

“That’s suggestive,” Jens mumbled, handing him the joint. 

Robbe scoffed, inhaling. “You’re the one who took the photo.”

“Did I?” 

“Yeah,” Robbe replied, shaking his head. Jens looked at him and Robbe stared straight ahead, unable to look at him. “I don’t get it. I don’t get any of this. I don’t understand him and what’s going on anymore.” 

“Do you still want to be with him?” Jens questioned. Robbe opened his mouth but quickly closed it, unable to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. He turned around, looking towards the graffiti that was plastered against the side of the warehouse, his face in all those intense, bright colors, as he inhaled another drag. Jens gained his attention by lightly slapping the back of his head. “Do you?” 

Robbe let out a sigh, smoke still falling out. “Yeah. I want answers.”

“Then, you’re going to have to make him choose,” Jens spoke up, propping one foot on his knee. “You can’t keep going like this. It’s too painful, he’s going to have to make a decision. Either he talks to you or he doesn’t talk to you anymore. It isn’t good for anyone. No, you know what, tell him that.”

Robbe glanced towards him. “Huh?”

“Text him. Now.”

“What? Why, now?”

“Yes, now.”

“Weren’t you just paying attention? He didn’t respond to my last texts asking to meet up. Why would he respond to this one?”

“Because, if he doesn’t, then you have the answer that you need,” Jens spoke. “Robbe, you’ve been constantly waiting for him to respond back and it’s painful and he’s fucking with you. If he doesn’t respond back, then that’s the answer that you need. And, if he doesn’t respond back to you, you deserve someone better in your life, someone that actually tries to be there.” 

Robbe let out a sigh, knowing that he was right. Despite all the silence and the no-responses, Robbe wanted Sander as much as he did in his apartment, talking about their favorite actors and parallel universes and eating pizza. It hadn’t changed one bit in the two weeks since it all went down. Jens patted his shoulder. “Pull up your messages.” 

Robbe did as told. 

“Just tell him: I want clarity,” Jens started. Robbe quickly typed the message, following along with what his best friend was saying. “Either, you choose me or it ends for me here and now.” 

_I want clarity. Either you choose me. Or it ends for me-_

Robbe stopped typing. 

Jens noticed, waiting. 

“And…” Robbe trailed off. “What if he…” 

It was in moments like these that he was thankful that Jens knew him so well. 

“If he says that it’s really over?” Jens questioned. 

Robbe nodded his head. 

Robbe didn’t want that to be an option for him, for either of them. It felt ridiculous to Robbe’s logical mind that he would be feeling this way about someone that he had only been involved with for about a week. But, Robbe couldn’t imagine his life without Sander, both as Sander, kissing him and wrapped up in his arms, and as _earthlingoddity_ , through an Instagram profile, who made him laugh in times where he thought it was impossible and made him wait eagerly for his next piece of art that he wanted to share with his fans. 

Without even realizing, the intense crush that Robbe had on the guy behind a famous Instagram profile had become such an important part of his life that he couldn’t picture a point in the future where Sander _wasn’t_ involved. 

He wasn’t for sure he could handle the heartbreak if Sander didn’t feel the same way.

Jens gave him a sympathetic look. “Then, it’ll be painful,” Jens replied. “But, it’ll be a lot less painful than this shit going on right now. Come on Robbe,” Jens turned, using his board to gesture to the gigantic mural that was hanging behind him. Robbe turned towards it, taking in the bright colors like it was still the first time that he had seen it all over again. “Someone who does something like this for you… He loves you so much.”

“Yeah,” Robbe mumbled. “But…” he trailed off, remembering a conversation that he had with Milan his first year of uni, back when Robbe got in a relationship with a closeted man and had ended it when he didn’t want to come out to his friends, to anyone, only wanting a physical and secret relationship in parked cars and upset when Robbe admitted that he wanted something more than that. “Does he want to admit that?”

Jens didn’t have an answer, holding out the joint between his fingers to place it in Robbe’s mouth. Robbe opened his mouth to take the joint, inhaling deeply, before letting Jens take the joint away. As he exhaled smoke out of the corner of his mouth, he finished typing out the message and pressed send. 

_I want clarity. Either you choose me. Or it ends for me here and now._

“It’s sent,” Robbe mumbled, sticking his phone in his pocket. Jens nodded his head. “When are you heading over to the Netherlands?” Robbe questioned, eager to change the subject. 

“After this,” Jens replied. “My stuff is already at Lucas’ apartment. I told him that you and I were going to go out for a smoke then I would head that way.” Robbe nodded his head. “Tell me if you hear anything from him okay? Just because Lucas and I are in the Netherlands for the weekend doesn’t mean that you have to give me radio silence.” 

Robbe laughed. “I know, Jens,” he replied. “I promise to tell you the latest thing that Noor and I have to stop Moyo and Aaron from doing before they burn down the kitchen curtains and you can laugh and tell us that we should’ve recorded it.”

Jens laughed as Robbe stood up. “Tell Mom hi for me.”

“I will,” Robbe spoke, pulling his board from beneath the stone bench. “You should come with me next week. She’s always asking about you and I’m pretty sure she wants to meet your boyfriend too. You know that you’re the second son she never had.” Jens shook his head as Robbe pushed off, shouting behind him, “Have fun in the Netherlands. Text when you guys get there.”

“I will!”

* * *

It was past nine by the time that his apartment is insight. 

His body was tired, his mind even worse, and he felt ready to crash. It was one of his mother’s off days. She had spent the majority of the visit scribbling into a journal and Robbe had watched her, fascinated with the way that her mind worked. She had been resistant to taking her meds, but the doctor managed to convince her to take them. In their meeting, while his mother was in group therapy, her doctor had told Robbe that she thought that his mother would be able to be home by Valentine’s Day. 

Robbe had smiled. 

He was thankful. 

His mother had been upset for missing Christmas (Robbe had spent the holiday with the boys and later the members of their old flatshare), but she would’ve been extremely upset if she would miss Valentine’s Day as well. Since his father had left them, they had a running tradition of going to a restaurant and spending the evening watching movies. It was always just the two of them. Sometimes, Jens and his little sister and father would join, the five of them lounging on the floor as they bickered and argued over which movie they wanted to watch. But, it always ended up the same way, surrounded by friends and family. 

But, at least once Robbe got home, he had the place to himself at least until two. 

Jens and Lucas had already arrived in the Netherlands, having arrived home at Lucas’s mother’s house while Robbe was with his mother. Jens had FaceTimed, eager to talk to Robbe’s mom and introduce his boyfriend to his “adoptive” mother, and she had relished in the thought of him thinking of her. As a result, Robbe was also introduced to Lucas’ mother, who had been curious about who they were talking to. 

As for his other two (three, technically, four if you counted Amber), Noor had an art gallery showing which was taking place a few towns over. Moyo was with her to support her and they were spending the night in a hotel so they wouldn’t have to race to get on a train late at night. On the other hand, Aaron was going out to have some drinks with some of his uni friends that he had met in his various classes. Robbe wasn’t for sure if Amber was with him, but it was likely that she was. She got along with everyone and Aaron loved having her around. 

So, he was alone for the night. 

_Good,_ his mind spat at him as he stared down at the opened and the read text message on his phone screen. 

_I want clarity. Either you choose me. Or it ends for me here and now._

Robbe let out a sigh, lowering his phone as he moved across from the lobby. 

How was he going to move on? 

At least he could wallow in silence. 

As Robbe stepped towards the elevator, the door to the lobby swung open, letting in a light burst of winter cold air, but he didn’t pay attention to it, sticking his phone in his pocket, holding onto it, and reaching to press the up button for the elevator. 

“Robbe?”

His breath caught in his throat as he turned to the entrance where the bleach-blond had his head poked in the entrance to the lobby, his eyes trained on Robbe. 

_Sander_. 

At the sight of him, Robbe was certain that his heart did gymnastics in his chest and he wanted nothing more than to rush at Sander, kiss him as though his life depended on it, but he stopped himself, watching as Sander stepped inside, letting the door shut behind him. The sound seemed to cut off the rest of the world, the rush of the street outside silenced with the slam of the door, and Sander’s eyes were trained on Robbe as he moved closer, his leather jacket creaking as he walked. 

Robbe supposed the obvious question would’ve been how did Sander know to come here and it had taken him a second to remember that the blond had hand-delivered Moyo and Noor’s anniversary gift. Plus, Robbe had mentioned they were roommates. So, he guessed that he didn’t need to ask that question. 

Robbe stared up at Sander, who was an arm’s length away, within distance for Robbe to reach out and wrap his arms around. His green eyes were staring at Robbe intensely, looking dark and clouded in the dim light of the lobby at night, and Robbe watched him, trying to figure out what he was going to say or do. Was he going to tell Robbe that he wanted to be with him or had he come to end it once and for all?

Sander’s eyes flickered down, to Robbe’s lips, before he was leaning in, their lips slotting together as easily as breathing. It was gentle and sweet, nothing too heavy or frantic on either end, but Robbe could feel the heat pooling through him like an inferno that was ready to burn him down. Sander’s hand was at his jaw, his fingers in his hair, and Robbe pressed his lips back against his.

But, then, Robbe reached up, his hands fisting in Sander’s black t-shirt and pushed him back.

Robbe had texted him because he wanted clarity, about Sander and his feelings, not because of this. 

Sander let out a sigh, his exhale brushing lightly over the skin of Robbe’s face. He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know that Sander understands what Robbe wants. 

Glancing at him briefly through his eyelashes, Robbe saw the broken expression on Sander’s face as he leaned against Robbe, his nose pressed against the space between his eyebrows. Sander’s head was heavy on Robbe’s shoulder, gripping onto him tightly, and Robbe let out his own sigh, cursing his own mind and his own uncertainty, but unable to waver. He needed to know. 

But, if Sander decided that he had come here to say goodbye to him, give him one final, haunting goodbye kiss, then, at least, Robbe had the moment here, their foreheads pressed together and Sander’s hand on his shoulder, their noses brushing together purposely. Sander’s forehead moved against his, his nose pressing further against Robbe’s and Robbe felt himself mirroring the action. 

Inhaling, Robbe opened his eyes fully, training them on Sander’s lips and taking half of a step back. Sander’s eyes were already open, trained on him, but Robbe couldn’t bring himself to look him in the eye. Not right now. Not until he knew. 

“You and I,” Sander whispered, catching Robbe’s attention. Robbe glanced up at him, his brown eyes connecting with Sander’s green ones. “One hundred percent, forever.” Robbe searched his eyes for any sign that this was a lie, like his mind was expecting it to be, but, no matter how much he searched, he couldn’t find any sign. Sander was telling the truth. “In every universe.” 

Robbe felt his eyes fall briefly down to Sander’s lips before he glanced back at his bright green eyes. Sander was watching for a sign, his hand still on Robbe’s shoulder. Robbe felt his heart accelerating a little bit as his racing mind caught up with Sander’s declaration. Sander was here, right here right now, choosing to be here with _him_ , and… There was a look in Sander’s eyes as he watched him, half-lidded and cautious, waiting for Robbe to react. 

Robbe swallowed, asking the question that had been on his mind for about two weeks now. “Who was the girl, Sander?”

He could’ve scoffed, told Robbe that he had nothing to worry about and dodged the question, but Sander didn’t do any of that. Instead, he stared at him with a broken expression. “Her name was Laura,” Sander replied. “I thought that… if I was kissing someone, it would make it easier to forget that I had hurt you and pushed you away. But, it didn’t. It just made it worse”

“Why did you?” Robbe whispered. “Push me away?”

“I didn’t want her to hurt you…” 

“Laura?” Sander shook his head. “Britt?” Sander shook his head again. “Then, who?” Sander shook his head for a third time, a pained look on his face. Robbe understood the look. His mom used to give it to him all the time. He didn’t want to talk about it and Robbe hoped that Sander knew that he would be there when he wanted to.

“I mean it, Robbe,” Sander spoke up. “You and I. One hundred percent-”

Before Sander could finish, Robbe closed the distance, pressing their lips together like he had wanted to since he saw Sander last Thursday. Now that Robbe had closed the distance, pressed their lips together and clung to his shirt, Sander reached out, gripping tightly on his sides and holding onto his brown jacket, pushing him back towards the wall. Robbe expected to feel his head collide with the tile on the walls, but Sander’s hand was there, stopping it before his hand cupped his face. 

Robbe blindly reached for the elevator button, grabbing onto the lapels of Sander’s leather jacket. When it let out a ding, signaling that it had arrived on the first floor, he pushed the blond in the elevator, separating briefly only to make sure that he hit the right floor number before returning to kiss him desperately.

* * *

The elevator was empty, thankfully, because Robbe would’ve been embarrassed that Sander pressed him flush against the wall and him, slotting one of his legs between Robbe’s two, and attacked his lips as his life depended on it, his hands fisted in Robbe’s hair, pulling just hard enough to be pleasurable. Once they had reached the floor of Robbe’s apartment and the elevator doors opened, Robbe pushed Sander away, only to guide him out of the elevator and down the hallway so he didn’t run them into any corners or persons that were out in the hallway. 

By something of a miracle, the hallway was empty too. 

There was a bright, smug look on Sander’s face before Robbe connected their lips back together again. Their kiss was becoming more and more frantic with every passing second and Robbe _needed_ to be inside his apartment with Sander, _now_ , or they wouldn’t make it all the way. Robbe searched for his keys in his pockets, never breaking the kiss. Through his eyelashes, he spotted their apartment number and blindly inserted the key into the lock, pushing the door open and shoving Sander inside. Robbe followed, pulling his keys from the lock and slamming the door. 

Once the door was locked and Robbe’s keys were discarded _somewhere_ , Sander’s hands dropped lower to his waist, gripping tightly. 

Standing in the threshold of their apartment, Robbe reached up, shoving Sander’s jacket off his shoulders. It slipped down easily, down his arms, but got caught on his wrists. “Off,” Robbe mumbled into the kiss before pressing his lips tighter against the other’s. He heard a laugh in Sander’s throat, felt the coldness on his waist as he reached back to fully take it off, and Robbe took it from him, placing it on the empty hook on the far right which had long since been unanimously Robbe’s. “Shoes,” Robbe ordered, lightly, kicking his sneakers off in the direction of the foot rack. 

Sander chuckled, stepping back from him. Robbe whined at the loss, but he spotted that Sander was wearing his Docs. As Sander kneeled down, his fingers frantically and crudely moving to undo the laces, his gaze flickered up to Robbe, who was taking off his own jacket. “Bossy Robbe is hot,” Sander spoke, his voice deep and gravelly which was affecting Robbe more than it should’ve been. Once the Docs were completely and placed with the rest of the shoes, Sander was back in Robbe’s arms, kissing him feverously and gripping at his hair again, as the smaller man pushed him back towards his room.

Robbe waited until his bedroom door was fully shut before he shoved his hands beneath the fabric of Sander’s shirt, running his hands over the warm flesh of Sander’s stomach. His roommates weren’t home and it wouldn’t really matter, but it was more of a personal preference for anything else. But, Sander didn’t seem to have the same hesitations, as his hand had been brushing across his abs even in the elevator. His hands were going higher and higher on Robbe’s chest, pulling at the clothes with the other. 

Sander separates their heated kiss only to pull the fabric over his head. Once Robbe’s hoodie and shirt pass over his nose, Sander’s lips are back on his again, his hands still pulling the fabric up Robbe’s arms and discarding them somewhere over his shoulder. Robbe gripped tightly at the hem of Sander’s shirt, pulling it up and over his chest, exposing the wolf tattoo to him once again. Robbe reached out to touch it, running his hand down his chest. Once the fabric of his shirt was high enough, Sander ducked out of it and Robbe tossed it aside, feeling the brush of Sander’s tongue dragging along his lip before their lips officially met again, Sander’s tongue slipping into Robbe’s mouth.

Robbe wrapped an arm around Sander, gripping at his shoulder tightly, as he led him towards the bed. 

Once they were close enough, Robbe pushed Sander onto the bed and climbed over him, his hands on either side of Sander’s face and his knees on either side of his hips. A glowing smile crossed Sander’s face, the kind that might’ve broken his face in two, and lit up his entire face by several notches. It was one of those smiles that Robbe _hoped_ was reserved only for him and he only had a couple of seconds to stare before Sander was reaching for him, pressing their lips together and dragging him back against the bed and against Sander. 

They both gasped when their hips rolled together.

Dragging his mouth away from Sander’s lips, Robbe trailed his lips against his jawline, pressing kisses and biting down on the skin as he went. Robbe pressed a kiss behind Sander’s ear, left a few marks against the flesh of his neck, and bit down on the flesh where his shoulder met his neck. Sander let out a sigh, his fingers working through Robbe’s hair, gripping tightly at the nape of his neck. But, Robbe didn’t stop, pressing kissing down his chest, pressing one against the bump that he had felt that afternoon beneath the tattoo of the wolf (Sander let out a straggled breathed), and briefly traced the ink as he pressed more kisses along the length of his chest.

It’s only when Robbe hooked his fingers on Sander’s belt, moving to undo it, that he paused. 

And, Sander noticed. 

“What is it?” he questioned, concerned but not sitting up. Robbe let out a sigh, resting his forehead against Sander’s stomach. “Robbe,” Sander spoke, sitting up and forcing Robbe to do the same. The brunet left his fingers on Sander’s belt and settled down on Sander’s thighs. “What is it? We can stop if you want to...”

“No! No, that’s not it,” Robbe replied, shaking his head. “Um, it’s just that… will you be here in the morning?”

For a moment, Sander was quiet. Then, his hands were on either side of Robbe’s face, pulling him to look up at Sander, into his bright green eyes that were looking at him fondly, and heatedly, if such a combination was even possible. “Of course, I will,” Sander replied, pressing a kiss against Robbe’s lips. Robbe leaned into his kiss, his lips moving with Sander’s, and let out a breath of relief. Sander pulled away, pressing a kiss against Robbe’s cheekbone, whispering. “I’ll be here for as long as you want me.”

“And if it’s forever?” Robbe questioned. 

There’s a watery look in Sander’s eyes now, their lips barely touching against the other but not kissing, not yet, and Sander smiled, “Then, it’s forever because from now on, it’s just the two of us.” Robbe smiled and Sander kissed him again, his breath hitching sharply as Robbe undid his belt and pulled it from the loops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Concept: Sobbe, but semi-OG vibes with Sander being a new student that transferred after being held back a year and Robbe has a crush on this boy that seems to have blown through the school like a whirlwind. 
> 
> It's past midnight for me and I really need to stop posting these so late because I WILL be up super late to see if anyone comments or replies to the accompanying Tumblr post. Also, I don't know but I imagine Jens and Robbe to be so close that they can almost pass for dating each other. I don't know why. It just amuses me. 
> 
> Also, as a continuation of my endnotes in the last chapter, I think you guys know what is going to happen next.


	6. Skin-To-Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank each and every one of you for all of your continued support on this series, both AO3 and on Tumblr. It means the absolute world to me and I will never say it enough how much I love and appreciate each and every person who has read, left a kudos/like, or commented on this story. It means the world to me and lights up my entire day!
> 
> I just want to warn everyone right now. The end of this chapter is not that easy (for me, anyway) to read. If you feel uncomfortable reading it, then you do not have to. It should also be noted that I, in no way, shape, or form, have a mental illness or specifically been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. with the "hotel" scenes, I tried my best to mimic what the fabulously talented Willem/Nintendo DS did from the clips and what I believe that Robbe would've noticed. I tried to stay as true to the dialogue in this scene as the clips since it's such an important clip for Sander and showcasing what he's going through. 
> 
> I hope I did it all justice. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Robbe woke up the way that he always did, slowly and unsure, but this time felt a little different, a little more unsure, because he had been certain that he had fallen asleep to the weight of Sander’s on his hip, his nose pressed against the back of Robbe’s neck, and his back flush against Robbe’s, no clothes to block the way between their skin. And, he was definitely sure that it hadn’t all been a dream from the way his body felt so sore as he shifted, searching for the weight of Sander somewhere on the bed. 

When he didn’t feel anything, he reached back, but all his hand came in contact with sheets. It’s then that Robbe forced his eyes open, turning around to confirm his suspicions. The bed was completely empty and he was alone. His eyes darted around the room, looking for his black t-shirt and jeans, but both articles of clothing were gone from the floor. 

_He left_.

Robbe searched for his phone, finding it on his small nightstand and searched through the notifications. Jens and Moyo were talking in the group chat, about something or another, and there was a handful of notifications from the game that he always played, but nothing from Sander or from Instagram. No goodbye text, no ‘I’ve got to go’ text, and not even a note. Robbe sat up, disappointment washing over him in all-consuming waves. 

_Will you be here in the morning?_

_Of course, I will. I’ll be here for as long as you want me._

Robbe let out a sigh, pulling up his personal messages with Jens.

_Sander came by. He was here, but he’s gone-_

There was a sound of a laugh in the kitchen, a light laugh that was quickly muffled with a deep _shh_ . Robbe’s eyes furrowed. He recognized the laugh, it was Amber, and that wasn’t surprising because Aaron likely came home late last night with Amber in tow. Moyo, Jens, and Lucas weren’t home quite yet. But, the owner of the _shh_ clicked something in his head, his heart soared, but Robbe shoved it away. He didn’t dare get his hopes up, not until he saw. 

Ignoring his body aching, Robbe got off his bed, snatching his t-shirt from the ground. He slipped it on over his shoulders and moved towards his dresser, pulling out a pair of sweats. Normally, he wouldn’t have bothered, simply walking around the apartment in only his briefs and his shirt. The boys and Noor never minded, but Amber always got quiet and averted her eyes like she didn’t expect it. Slipping the sweats on, he opened the door and headed out into the hallway. 

“Robbe?” Amber’s voice called, questioning. 

“Yeah,” Robbe replied, moving towards the kitchen. “It’s just me.” 

And, turning the corner, he expected to find Aaron or someone else, maybe a drunk friend of Aaron’s that had slept on the couch because he couldn’t drive, but he didn’t expect to find Amber leaning against the counter with a coffee cup to her mouth and Sander at the oven, making something in a pan. The man was dressed in his black jeans and t-shirt from last night and Robbe let out a breath of relief, causing the blond cook to glance up at him. 

“Good morning,” Sander grinned. His smile lit up his entire face and it was infectious, causing Robbe to smile as well. “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.” 

“Morning,” Robbe breathed out.

Amber smiled at Robbe, her eyes darting between both of them. She grabbed the pot of coffee to fill up her mug before patting Sander’s shoulder, “I’ll give you guys some privacy. And, I’ll do my best to distract Aaron as well.” 

“Thanks, cuz,” Sander replied, grinning at her as he leaned against the counter, flipping whatever he was making. Amber sent Sander a grin before she passed past Robbe, slipping down the hallway and into Aaron’s bedroom at the other end of the apartment. 

Once she shut the door and the two of them were alone, Sander crossed to him

Suddenly, everything seemed to click into place. “ _You’re_ Amber’s cousin.”

Sander grinned, nodding his head before crossing the distance between them. His hands were on Robbe’s face, angling his head up to press a heated kiss against his lips. Robbe melted in his arms, leaning against his chest and smiling when Sander did too, making it difficult to kiss. Sander’s fingers were in Robbe’s hair again, his thumb brushing over his cheekbones, and Robbe opened his mouth against Sander’s, sighing when their tongues met in the middle. 

“Shit,” Sander cursed, moving back to the oven. Using the spatula, he pulled whatever he was making off of the pan and onto a plate. Robbe chuckled as he walked over to wrap his arms around Sander’s waist, trying to see what he was making. A grin spread over his face as he spotted, feeling Sander turn to press a kiss against his cheek. Croques. “Here,” Sander spoke suddenly, turning in Robbe’s arms and holding half of the croque in his hand. “Try.” 

Robbe opened his mouth, taking a bite of the corner. Sander was watching him intently, waiting for his reaction and watching him closely. 

“Best croque ever?” 

“Best croque ever,” Robbe affirmed, reaching out to grab ahold of the rest of the sandwich. 

Sander grinned before turning back to make another, presumably for himself. Robbe moved to sit at the table, out of Sander’s way, but the blond reached out, snagging him by the waist and pulling him back. Robbe let Sander manhandle him, resting him against the counter in a spot where he was out of Sander’s way and close enough. Robbe watched him meticulously arrange the butter and the cheese before placing the sandwich on the pan. The butter sizzled.

“Why do you like croques so much?” Robbe questioned, taking another bite. 

Sander smiled. “My mom used to make them all the time on Sundays so the family would come together and be a family. I guess it always seemed to stick. Plus, it was my sister’s favorite day of the week and it was her favorite meal so that helped,” he admitted, glancing at Robbe. “Do you have any siblings?”

Robbe shook his head. “Just me and my mom.” 

Sander smiled, leaning towards him, and Robbe tilted his head up to press their lips together.

But, as Robbe felt the featherlight brush of Sander’s lips against his own, the door down the hall opened and Robbe could hear Aaron’s annoying ringtone that could only mean one thing: “Robbe,” Aaron groaned, sleepy and probably hungover. “It’s early in the morning.” It was like eleven so Robbe rolled his eyes as Aaron turned into the kitchen, barely registering the sight of Robbe and Sander, millimeters away before snapping at him, groggy and annoyed with his phone thrust in his direction. “Why on Earth is your boyfriend calling me?”

Robbe rolled his eyes, holding out his hand for the phone. Sure enough, it was Jens and Sander glanced down at the phone before glancing at Robbe with a slightly confused look on his face. “I’m sure Lucas would be offended,” Robbe stated, pressing the answer button and pressing the speaker button. “And, seriously, Jens plays my fake boyfriend _one_ time and all of a sudden it’s a running gag that neither of us can’t seem to escape or leave in the past. Hello, you’ve reached the phone of Aaron Jacobs, who is too hungover and grumpy to properly answer the phone like a normal human being. Can I take a message?” 

Jens was roaring on the other end of the line, his laugh filling up the kitchen. 

“Five… four… three… two…” 

“I’m here, I’m here,” Jens spoke, sounding out of breath. “You weren’t answering your phone and Moyo isn’t home yet, so I decided to call Aaron. I’m sorry he’s being such a pain.”

“I am _not_ being a pain.”

“I’m answering your phone!” 

“So,” Jens spoke. “How is my boyfriend doing?”

“I don’t know,” Robbe spoke. He could hear how annoyed that he sounded, which was probably the reason that his friends continued to do it. Robbe locked Aaron’s phone, the phone call still running, and tried disabling it. It worked. One minute. He could see Sander eyeing him with a small smile on his face. “How is Lucas doing? I miss him.” 

“Come on,” Jens teased. “You know I’m your favorite.”

“Yeah, I’m afraid that the feeling is not mutual,” Robbe said, smirking as he glanced up to Sander. “That’s exactly why I cheated on you.” Sander grinned at Robbe, a knowing look in his eyes, and Robbe could practically hear the wheels turning in Jens’ mind from the Netherlands. “What can I say? You’re absolutely boring boyfriend, Jens.” 

“Ah,” Jens spoke. “So, Sander decided to show up.”

“He surely had me waiting,” Sander replied.

“Sander! So nice to hear your voice. I can’t wait to meet you in person! But, unfortunately, I’m in the Netherlands for the weekend so I’m sure I’ll see you sometime in the next week?” Sander chuckled, flipping the croque in the pan. “As Robbe’s best friend and fake boyfriend, I am here to inform you that you have made a very wise decision.” 

There was a look in Sander’s eyes as he looked towards Robbe, whispering an “I know” with a bright grin on his face. Warmth pooled in Robbe’s stomach as he stared at Sander, biting down on his lip to keep his grin down. Robbe glanced down at Aaron’s phone, saying, “Bye Jens!” before effectively cutting him off mid-sentence. The one minute on Aaron’s phone had passed so Robbe quickly disabled it again (five minutes should do), tossing Aaron his phone. 

Holding the disabled phone in his hand, the curly-haired man stared at them with squinted eyes and confused features. “Wait, are you two _together_?” Before either could answer Aaron’s question, he glanced down at his phone and let out a loud groan. “Oh, fuck off, Robbe!” 

Robbe grinned. 

Once Aaron let the kitchen, grumbling under his breath, Sander captured his lips before letting him go back to eating the croque that the blond had made for him. 

* * *

After Sander had finished his croque, he quickly cleaned up the dishes that he had used. Robbe had tried to help, but the blond refused, forcing the brunet to sit on the counter and wait patiently. As soon as Sander shut off the water and wiped his hands on the towel, Robbe hopped down from his perch, grabbing the back of Sander’s shirt and pulling him out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into the confines of Robbe’s bedroom. 

There was a mischevious smile that flitted across Sander’s features, his hands reaching up to cup Robbe’s face as he placed an agonizingly slow kiss against Robbe’s lips. Robbe leaned into his touch, letting Sander sway them closer in the direction of the bed, but the taller one pulled away far too soon. There was an eager look on his face like he enjoyed seeing Robbe desperate for his kiss. 

“So,” Sander spoke, wrapping an arm loosely around Robbe’s shoulder and pulling him close, but not close enough for Robbe to get their lips together again. “Who is this boyfriend of yours?”

Robbe groaned, shoving Sander away from him and back on the bed. The man landed on the edge, his back flat on the bed, and there was a laugh that ripped through his chest. Robbe stepped closer, setting down on his lap and resting his hands against his chest. Sander sat up, using one arm to brace himself and setting his other hand on Robbe’s thigh. Even with the thick fabric of Robbe’s sweat pants, Sander’s palm burned into his skin. 

“What?” Sander teased, the smile growing on his face. Robbe watched it grow, mesmerized. Even if he hated the joke, hated the fact that it was still going around, Robbe couldn’t hate it that much if it had managed to make Sander smile like this. Even, if it was at Robbe’s own expense. “I need to know who my competition is if I ever hope to get promoted to something more than a side piece that you call on whenever you need a good fuck.” 

Robbe stared at him, trying not to grin. “Oh, so you think it was a good fuck?”

“I think your moans last night proved it, baby,” Sander whispered, reaching up to press a brief, fleeting kiss against his lips. With Sander so close, it was almost hard to concentrate. Even more so as Sander leaned closer, his lips brushing against Robbe’s ear, as he whispered, “I’m pretty sure ‘Fuck yes’ and ‘don’t stop’ are pretty good indicators that it was a good fuck. Don’t you agree?” 

Robbe let out an amused sigh, running a hand across his chest. “I thought you left.” 

Sander pulled back, staring up at him. “Huh?”

“When I woke up,” Robbe admitted. “I saw that the bed was empty and… I thought that you had left.” 

There was a knowing look in Sander’s eyes as he stared up at Robbe. “I promised you that I would be here in the morning.”

“I know you did. But, when I woke up and saw that the bed was empty and your clothes were gone, I guess that I just suspected that you had changed your mind about being with me.” The _again_ hung in the air around them and Sander seemed to have been completely aware of it. Robbe avoided his gaze, turning instead towards his gaming posters which hung around the room. Robbe shook his head, trying to fight away the insecurities that seemed to roar in his chest. “Sorry, it’s stupid-”

“Hey,” Sander cut in, lightly grabbing Robbe’s chin and forcing him to look at him. Sander sat him, his other arm wrapping around Robbe’s waist, shifting him closer. “It’s not stupid, Robbe. What happened isn’t going to go away just because we slept together. But, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily, Robbe.” 

Sander’s eyes searched Robbe’s and Robbe wondered if he would ever stop getting lost in them. 

“I meant what I said last night. From now on, it’s just the two of us,” Sander whispered, brushing his nose with Robbe’s. He tilted his head to the side and Sander brushed their lips together, pressing them together gently and sweetly. Robbe knew that he meant every word, gripping lightly on his shoulder. “Just so you know,” Sander whispered. “I almost went and got you some croissants. But, I didn’t want to be locked out and I didn’t know where your keys were.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Sander mumbled. “I found Amber in the kitchen and she showed me what I could use so I decided to make you croques instead.” His eyes flickered up to Robbe’s. “That’s why I was dressed and not in bed with you when you woke up.” 

“Oh,” Robbe replied, smiling. “You didn’t have to.” 

“I wanted to.” Sander let out a sigh, breathing out as he ran his hands through Robbe’s hair, “ _God_ , how did I not find you sooner? We missed out on so much, so many years of _this_.” 

“What do you mean?” Robbe questioned, tilting his head to the side. 

“You’ve been Aaron and Amber’s friend for years, Senne was my roommate for almost two years before he and Zoë moved in together and we drifted apart, and I went to college with Noor,” Sander explained, staring up at him. Robbe spotted that look in his eye again, quickly feeling a worried feeling over him. “How is it that I have so many ties to you and somehow we never managed to meet? How many times could we have almost crossed paths but never met? Is-” 

“Infinitely many,” Robbe replied, cutting him off. Sander stared up at him, a thankful look hidden in his eyes as his finger drew patterns along Robbe’s thigh. Robbe ran his hand through Sander’s hair like he had done that afternoon in Sander’s apartment. “But, in this universe, we found each other the way that we did, me being a total stalker crushing on some unattainable man behind an Instagram profile.” Sander smiled at him, brightly. “And, that’s all that matters.” 

Sander pressed a kiss against Robbe’s lips before pulling away. “I didn’t know.”

“What?”

“About you being a fan,” Sander admitted, looking nervous as he moved beneath Robbe. “It was kind of my one rule that I didn’t want to cross. Never date a fan, especially with what happened with… you know what it’s not important.” Sander looked up at Robbe, looking surprisingly vulnerable. “But, I saw you at that warehouse with Noor, with the moonlight all around you, playing on your phone and bickering with her and I just knew.” 

“Knew what?” Robbe questioned. 

“I knew that you were the one,” Sander confessed. 

Robbe felt his heart thump in his chest. 

“And, I spent the better part of the night worrying that _you_ were her boyfriend, but when you walked away to answer the phone, she said that you were her friend and I relaxed. But, I couldn’t stop watching you. I had hoped that I would accidentally run into you when I delivered the picture, but you had already left.” Sander edged closer, his lips lightly away from his. “I was on the verge of going through every one of the people Noor was following because I had to find you and I had already checked her pictures when she tagged us in that post.” 

“So, you didn’t know I was a fan until I told you?” Robbe questioned. 

Sander nodded his head, a nervous look in his eyes. 

“God, I must’ve seemed like a stalker,” Robbe groaned, shoving his face into Sander’s neck. Sander let out a deep bellowed laugh, his hand tracing designs along Robbe’s back. He pressed a kiss against Robbe’s neck, collarbone, and everywhere he could touch to try to get Robbe to look at him. But, Robbe was too embarrassed, burying his face further into the skin where Sander’s neck met his shoulder. “No, stop, I’m embarrassed.” 

Sander grinned, he could tell from the way his lips pulled back against his neck. “I thought you were absolutely adorable,” Sander informed him, biting down the vein. Both of his arms wrapped around Robbe’s waist and the next thing that Robbe knew, the world was spinning. Robbe landed flat on his back, Sander fitted between his legs, and slowly climbing over him. Before Robbe could hide, Sander’s lips were on his and Robbe chased after his kiss, gripping on the strands of his hair. 

When Sander ducked his head down to kiss his neck, Robbe giggled. 

“You better hold on, Robbe IJzermans,” Sander mumbled, hovering inches above Robbe. The brunet tried his best not to seem so desperate for Sander’s kiss, but he knew from the gleeful glint in his green eyes that he was failing in that regard, failing so incredibly hard. “I’m holding onto you,” Sander pressed another kiss against Robbe’s lips and Robbe leaned up, chasing after him when he pulled away, “and I’m never going to let you go.” 

Robbe grinned, making difficult to kiss. 

“I’m not letting you go either,” Robbe mumbled, cupping Sander’s jaw with one hand and gripping onto his shirt with the other. Sander looked down at him with wide, loving eyes. “Not when I finally got you back, the man of my dreams.” 

When they kiss again, Sander’s grin is the one that makes it difficult to kiss. 

* * *

“Are you ready for a new semester?” Zoë questioned, looping her arms with Robbe’s as they walked through the student center and into the main building. Senne had sent a message to Zoë a few minutes ago that he was there to pick them up for lunch, but Robbe had been pulled into a conversation with a student from one of his courses last semester, delaying their eventual departure from the center. 

“Yeah,” Robbe admitted. “I’m nervous about it, but it’s all almost over right?”

“Yes,” Zoë admitted. “My advisor thinks that I should do an internship over the summer at a law firm. I think it’ll be quite good, to get the lay of the land and get some experience before my graduation next year.” Robbe smiled, nodding his head. Zoë guided him through the main building, sneaking a glance at him, “You’re really going to make me ask, aren’t you?” 

Robbe grinned, unable to look at him. “Ask what?”

“Robbe,” Zoë teased. 

“Did you know that he was Amber’s cousin?” Robbe questioned. “Sander.”

“No,” Zoë admitted. “She told me about it after the girls and I met up the other day. Sander wanted to keep her out of the spotlight, should anyone decide to try and get to him, and she did his best to respect his wishes. I think she showed us a picture of them once, but it was taken before he dyed his hair so I’m not for sure.” There’s a serious look on Zoë’s face. “Are you happy?”

Robbe nodded his head. “Yeah, I’m happy.” 

“Good,” Zoë replied, wrapping her arm around his shoulders and squeezing them tightly. “Because that’s all that matters is that you’re happy. Plus, I happen to know for a fact that he made a very wise decision.” Robbe laughed, being reminded of Jens’ comment in the kitchen. “But, if he breaks your heart again, I will not hesitate in joining Jens on making him pay.” 

Robbe glanced at her, looking at her through squinted eyes. “Have you been talking to Jens?”

“And if I have?” Zoë teased. “You should be now Robbe that Jens, Milan, and I are apart of a specialized group known as the Robbe protection squad.” Robbe scoffed, shaking his head as they pushed open the main door and Zoë guided him towards the parking lot where Senne had parked. 

Whatever Zoë was going to say had ended up not being brought up again, because there was a “Hey” from somewhere behind them. Robbe and Zoë turned to see who was walking up to them and Robbe felt like his face might break in two at the sight of Sander, moving towards him with a beige beanie on his head and his black leather jacket around his shoulders. 

“Hey!” Robbe grinned. “What are you doing here?” 

Sander grinned, ducking down to press a kiss against his lips before pulling back. He shrugged his shoulders and Robbe’s hands moved on top of them. “I thought I would stop by and maybe have lunch with you if that's alright with you.”

“If you want,” Zoë spoke up, turning both of the guys’ attention to her. The woman was standing off to the side with a small smile on her face and her phone in her hand. “Robbe and I were fixing to go have lunch with Senne. Did you want to join us?” Her phone dinged and she glanced at it. “Senne says that he doesn’t mind you joining us.”

“I don’t want to impose,” Sander replied, his arms circling around Robbe’s waist. 

“You’re not imposing, Sander,” Zoë stated. She walked over, taking Sander’s arm and started to steer him towards the parking lot. With Sander’s arm still wrapped around Robbe’s waist, the man found himself being dragged along too. “Besides, Robbe has been trying to back out of lunch with us for a while. With you there, he doesn’t have an excuse anymore. Plus, Senne won’t admit it, but I think he misses you.” 

Speaking of Senne, he had gotten out of his car to greet them. The brunet leaned against the side of his car, waiting patiently as the three of them walked over. Zoë moved away from them, going to greet her fiancé with a bright grin on their face. Like always, they got lost in their kiss and Robbe turned towards Sander, rubbing circles on his back.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” Robbe informed Sander. 

Sander looked at Robbe, a gentle smile forming over his face. “I want to be there,” Sander replied. “It’s just been a while since I’ve hung out with Senne. Nervous, is all. Plus, after last week, I want to make a good impression on your friends.” 

“I think you’re doing just fine,” Robbe replied, smiling. He reached up, running his fingers through the soft strands of Sander’s bleach-blond hair that were poking out beneath his beanie. 

“Plus,” Sander admitted. He glanced towards Senne and Zoë. The two of them were still lost in their own little world before Sander leaned forward, bringing his lips close to Robbe’s ear and whispering lowly, “And, I was kind of looking forward to taking you out on a proper date.” 

Robbe chuckled, replying “We have all the time in the world.”

Sander smiled, pressing a kiss to Robbe’s lips. It was gentle and sweet, a fraction of a second and brief as they walked closer to the car. “Besides,” Robbe mumbled against Sander’s lips. “Jens’ birthday is next Friday and it’s likely that I’m going to be cast out of my own apartment for the weekend.” 

“Sounds wonderful.” Sander chuckled, before pressing a longer kiss against Robbe’s lips. Robbe pulled away and Sander pressed another kiss to his cheek before turning fully towards Senne, who was grinning at the two of them with his arm around Zoë. 

“Glad to see the two of you worked things out.” 

And, Robbe knew that he meant it. 

From the grin that formed on Sander’s face as the two men hugged, he knew it too. 

“Come on, you two,” Senne spoke, opening the door for Zoë to step inside. Robbe opened up the back and climbed in, scooting over so Sander could slide in as well. “I’ve only got an hour before I have to get back to work.” Senne clapped him on the shoulder before moving around to the front of the car. He climbed in with ease, driving off.

As Senne stopped at the light, Robbe reached over, edging his fingers beneath Sander’s palm, and his heart lifted when Sander turned his hand, wrapping his fingers through Robbe’s before catching his brown eyes with a grin on his face. 

* * *

It was a loud game.

Robbe was almost certain that the person running the mini-golf place hated every single one of them. They were all too loud, too competitive, and their laughs sounded off around the store as they all attempted to take turns. Last time the group had been here, there had only been five of them, but now with an additional three bodies, their total had risen to eight. It had taken several tries to figure out a time that matched all of their schedules with Noor’s busy work schedule, Amber’s late-night Wednesday class, and the affinity for Lucas’s boss to call him in last minute. 

But, somehow, they managed to all make it work. 

As Lucas and Jens bantered back and forth over who was going to go next, Robbe felt Sander’s arm slip over his waist, pulling him back against his chest. Sander’s mini-golf club was lightly pressing against Robbe’s waist, but he didn’t mind as Sander whispered with a slight chuckle in his voice, “They really argue like an old married couple, don’t they?” Robbe nodded his head and Sander pressed a kiss against his ear, his teeth purposely skimming over his piercing. Robbe leaned his weight against his chest, dropping his head to rest on Sander’s shoulder. 

As Aaron watched and contributed to the fight between Jens and Lucas, Amber grinned at them, a warm smile on her face. 

“How long do you think they’ll be?” Sander questioned. 

Robbe stared at Jens and Lucas, who hadn’t gone into the phase where they tried to one-up each other to get the other to admit the other was going to go first. “About five minutes,” Robbe admitted, glancing back up at him. “Why?” 

Sander smiled, pressing a kiss against his lips before pushing Robbe upright, his hands reluctantly detaching from Robbe’s waist. “I got to run to the bathroom and I don’t want to miss my turn. Hold this for me?” 

“Course,” Robbe replied, taking the golf club in his hand. He watched Sander jog off in the direction of the bathroom, his white hair glowing a bright purple, before he turned back to Jens and Lucas. The two of them were still standing over at the beginning of the hole, their bright color golf balls resting at their feet and half propped up on their golf clubs. “Oh, for fuck’s sake you two, just flip a coin!” 

“Wow, someone’s missing their dose of serotonin,” Lucas replied, sounding almost like Milan. 

“Says you?” Robbe replied. “We’re going to be stuck here all day if the two of you don’t decide on _something_ to figure out this entire thing.” 

“We’re just getting to that,” Jens replied. 

Robbe rolled his eyes. 

“Eight is a little bit big for a group date, don’t you think?” Amber admitted, appearing at Robbe’s side. There was a look on her face as she stared at Robbe with a small comforting smile. But, there was something about it that put Robbe a little on edge, like he was about to be threatened within an inch of his life if he were ever to hurt a hair on Sander’s head. And, knowing vague details about Sander’s history with Britt in the handful of times that it was mentioned, Robbe might actually believe it. 

“Why do I feel like I’m about to be threatened within an inch of my life?” 

“You’re not,” Amber promised. Robbe let out a breath of relief. “Not yet, anyway.” 

“Amber!” 

“What? I’m protective of my cousin,” Amber replied, giving him a questionable look. “But, I just wanted to say that I’m happy that you found each other. I, uh… I don’t think I’ve ever seen him as happy as he’s been with you. At least, not in a while.”

Robbe smiled, glancing over to the restrooms. Sander hadn’t appeared back yet, but Robbe was looking for him anyway, like he couldn’t wait until Sander returned, wrapping his arms around Robbe’s waist and pressing a kiss against his cheek (or mouth, whatever he preferred). Amber was still staring at him when Robbe glanced back towards her. “I’m glad I found him too.”

Amber smiled. “You guys are cute together.”

Robbe flushed and Amber laughed. “Thanks.” 

There was a shout from the direction of the bathroom. 

Robbe turned, briefly registering that it was Sander’s voice but couldn’t understand the words over Jens’ bickering. He spotted Amber doing the same thing a moment before Sander appeared in the doorway, looking annoyed, frustrated, absolutely _pissed_ , and a brunette girl following behind him, looking star-eyed and on a mission. For a moment, Robbe had thought it was the girl from the club, Laura, but he realized that it wasn’t her. The girl said something and Sander turned around, mumbling something under his breath or arguing, it was hard to tell with the distance, his body visibly tense even from a distance.

Robbe glanced towards Amber, but she glanced at him, equally confused. 

The two talked, heatedly for several minutes, before Sander said something that made the girl’s face fell and he moved away, back to the group. The girl moved to leave the mini-golf place, her head hanging down, and Sander was tense as he returned in the general direction of the group. Jens had finally decided to go first and Lucas was silently retaliating by poking him in the side with his club. Sander was tense, his shoulders stiff and his hand was clenched into a fist, but he offered a smile as he approached Robbe and Amber. 

“What happened?” Amber questioned. 

“With what?” Sander replied. 

Amber gave him a look, using her club to point in the direction of the girl. Robbe glanced over and found that she was still staring at the group, a determined look on her face. Sander spotted her too. “Oh, that,” he replied, attempting to sound indifferent. But, he wasn’t. Robbe and Amber knew it in their bones that he was trying to remain indifferent, but he was bothered. “She was just a fan, trying to ask for a photo and got upset when I said that I didn’t want to take a photo right now.”

Robbe didn’t buy it. 

From the look on Amber’s face, she didn’t either. 

“It’s nothing,” Sander replied. “I promise.” Amber relented, turning back to the group. But, Robbe stared at Sander, who sneaked a glance over his shoulder. The girl was gone, having disappeared from the mini-golf place, and Sander let out a breath, turning back around. He spotted Robbe’s concerned, worried glance and he smiled at him. “I’m good. I promise.”

Robbe nodded his head, accepting the brief, fleeting kiss that Sander placed on his lips. 

“Who’s winning?” Sander spoke up, reaching out to take the extra club from Robbe. Now that his other hand was empty, Sander slipped his hand into Robbe’s now free hand, gripping onto it tightly and like his life depended on it. 

* * *

Once the elevator opened onto the sixth floor, Robbe jogged down the hallway to Sander’s door, knocking lightly on his door. 

As he heard the muffled movements inside the apartment, the light sound of a _thump_ that might’ve been the handful of remaining boxes falling over, and Sander’s following comment of “ _shit_ ”, Robbe grinned, waiting patiently even as his body buzzed with nervous anticipation. It had been the first time that the two of them would be _alone_ in over a week. Because of his classes, and the recent uptake in commissions for Sander’s artwork, the time that they had together had been reduced to lunches in cafés and quick kisses in stolen corners. 

But, now, Jens cast all of them from the apartment because he was taking Lucas out on a date and he already knew that they would end up back at the apartment. The rest of them knew it too. Robbe could’ve gone over to Milan’s, who had been begging him to hang out lately, but he had already accepted Sander’s invitation to spend the weekend with him. Milan had called him a traitor but told him to be safe all the same. The longer that Robbe waited outside the apartment, the more that his skin buzzed. 

Then, the door finally opened and Sander’s hand was on his head, pulling him inside to quickly slide their lips together. “Sorry for the mess,” Sander whispered, closing the door. Robbe laughed, pulling back and looking around. The majority of the boxes were gone now, photos and paintings were framed on the wall, and the counters in the kitchen looked lived in, filled with knickknacks and photo frames and a board that looked like it had a mini-calendar full of events that he needed to keep track of. The coffee pot was set up in the corner and the shoe cart had been assembled inside the door. 

As Robbe toed his shoes off in the direction of the shoe rack, Sander pressed open-mouthed, needy kisses along his jawline. “You know,” Sander mumbled, wrapping his arms around Robbe’s waist and pulling him closer against him. Robbe’s backpack still weighed on his shoulders and Sander’s sure movements were making him a little dizzy in anticipation, clinging tightly to his shoulders. “Maybe we should go out to a hotel, have a special night of our own.” 

“Sander,” Robbe whispered, tilting his head back. “We don’t need to go to a hotel.” 

“Why not?” Sander replied. “I’ve got money with ads and commissions. Penthouse Suite, just you and me, sounds romantic.”

Robbe chuckled because it did sound romantic. “You don’t need to spend money for us to have a romantic night,” Robbe replied, turning in Sander’s arms and moving toward the kitchen. Sander pulled him back against his chest, knocking the laugh out of Robbe’s chest. “Did you ever end up going to the store?” Robbe questioned, his head going dizzy at the feeling of Sander’s lips behind his ear. “I can make the two of us dinner.”

Sander chuckled, “Yes, I did.” 

“What do you want?”

“Food can wait,” Sander chuckled. 

“Oh, do you want to finish packing your boxes?” Robbe questioned, turning back to the living room. He walked out of Sander’s arms, grinning at the sound of Sander’s whine. There was a box on the coffee table that was half-open and filled with pictures. He could hear Sander patter towards him as Robbe opened the box the rest of the way. He pulled out a picture frame and grinned down at it. 

In the picture, Sander hadn’t dyed his hair yet and Robbe grinned at it. He looked so much younger without the white in his hair. But, his styles seemed to have remained the same band t-shirts and blue denim jeans with converse. On his back was a brown-haired girl that looked a lot like him. She was several years younger with long brown hair and a bright grin on her face. The two of them couldn’t look more different. Where Sander was dressed in dark clothes, her clothes were bright and colorful with flowers detailed. 

As he approached, Sander looked at it sadly. 

“That’s Camille, my sister,” Sander replied. 

Robbe smiled. “She’s beautiful. I’m surprised you haven’t posted a photo with her.”

“I used to have some up,” Sander replied, putting his hands on the edge of the box and pulling it towards him. “I don’t keep everything in my Instagram profile, you know? Once I started gaining more followers, I deleted old pictures of us to keep some of the… uh, assertive fans from getting ahold of older photos. At least, once my personal photos started circling online.”

“Oh,” Robbe replied, placing the photo aside and looking at the rest of them. Sander moved next to him and smiled at him. “That’s understandable.” Sander grabbed it, looking down at the picture with a sad look on his face. “Is everything okay with your sister?”

“Yeah,” Sander replied, nodding his head but not looking up at Robbe. “I’ve just been so busy with moving that I just realized that I haven’t talked to her in a couple of months.” 

Robbe’s eyebrows furrowed, glancing up at him. “You didn’t go home for Christmas?”

Sander shook his head, pushing away some dust on the glass of the picture frame before placing it back down in the box. “No, it’s hard to explain,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. “My mom has been away on a job for the past couple of months. She only just got back this week. Since she was out of the country, Camille went on a trip with some friends. The three of us have plans for a belated Christmas in a week or two once everything settles down back to normal.” 

“What does your mom do?” Robbe questioned. 

“Interior design,” Sander replied, laughing. “A visitor from America came for vacation and wanted her to come and redo their family home or something. Guess they saw some of her stuff in a friend’s house or something and decided that she was the one. It was really good money and she saw an opportunity to make some decent money. Plus, it’s a really good reason to get out of the country.” 

“Sounds awesome,” Robbe admitted. 

He turned back to the box, eager to see more photos of Sander through all stages of life, eager to scoop them all up and catalog every photo, eager to learn more about the man in front of him who still felt like half a legend. But, Sander’s arms wrapped around his waist before he could, angling their hips together before pressing his lips against Robbe’s. The kiss was simple, sweet, and agonizingly slow, stirring the heat in Robbe’s stomach as he let out a breath from his nose. 

“Come,” Sander mumbled, lightly pulling away as he backed Robbe back. His hands moved to the straps of Robbe’s backpack, slipping them off his shoulders. Robbe let the bag fall, catching it before it hit the ground and disposed of it into the armchair. By the time they reached the hallway, Robbe had lost his jacket and beanie as well. “I’ve had enough unpacking for right now.”

“Oh?” Robbe questioned. 

“Yeah.”

“Then, how are all your commissions going?” he questioned, grinning. “I know that you were talking about having trouble with a couple of them. Why is that?”

“Because,” Sander spoke, pulling him closer and blatantly eyeing his lips. “All I can think about is a doe-eyed skater boy and suddenly, all the drawings start to morph into his big, doe-eyes and his really kissable lips and the freckles on his nose.” Robbe flushed, glancing away from Sander, who was pressing kisses to those flushed cheeks without a care in the world. “And, as much as I would love to keep drawing him, they didn’t ask for those drawings.”

“Well, then, you’re just going to have to make your own pieces and get rich and famous so you can paint whatever you want,” Robbe replied. 

Sander grinned, kissing him breathlessly again. 

“What’s the plan?” Robbe spoke up, barely pulling away, his lips brushing featherlight against the blond’s lips. 

Sander smirked at him, smug and confident, and his eyes half-closed as he led Robbe through the apartment with ease, not colliding either one of them against any furniture as he drew Robbe closer against his chest, a mischevious glint forming in his eye. “I’m in desperate need of a shower, aren’t you?” 

Robbe had taken a shower this morning before he had headed to class, but he had a suspicion that wasn’t what Sander meant. 

* * *

Robbe could get used to this.

Sander was settled against Robbe’s side, one arm tucked between him and the sheets and the other on his chest. His blond hair was dry now, the aftermath of the shower having long since dried in the air as they laid down in bed. Robbe had his arms around Sander’s shoulders, relishing in how his skin felt beneath his fingertips and against his chest and pressing featherlight kisses against his forehead, his eyebrows, his hair, _him_. Despite the fact that he was drained and dazed, Robbe shifted, closer to Sander, to try and keep himself awake. 

Wrapped up in his arms, Sander was smiling, staring down at the gold chain on his neck which he pushed around his chest using his finger, flipping it over to stare at the designs on it. 

The simple gold necklace and charm had been given to him by his mother before her diagnosis. She had bought it to symbolize that she would always be there with him and Robbe had always worn it since. Originally, he had thought that it was a piece of jewelry that she found at a store for fifteen dollars and would turn his skin green with overuse and he wouldn’t have minded because his mother gave it to him. But, it wasn’t. It was solid gold and so simple and light that Robbe always tended to forget he was wearing it before he was hopped (or, in this case, led) to the shower.

“You know,” Sander spoke up, his breath brushing across Robbe’s chest. 

“Hmm?” Robbe hummed, pressing another kiss against Sander’s forehead. 

“After our wedding, we’re going to spend a night in a hotel,” Sander spoke, surely and confidently without a care in the world. His eyes were still trained on the necklace with the chain partially twirled around his pointer finger. “After such a big day of declaring our love for one another, we need to go out and celebrate. Not come back to an apartment where we’re always at.” 

Robbe had his eyes closed, but he felt the smile creep on his face as he replied, “Our wedding?”

Sander shifted against him and Robbe opened his eyes in response. Sander was looking up at him with those bright green, hopeful and wide eyes trained on Robbe’s face. There was a sureness in his eyes, but also a little uncertainty as he asked, “We’ll get married, right?” Sander paused staring up at him and Robbe smiled. 

It seemed an odd prospect to talk about, marriage, Robbe thought with only two weeks into dating, about a month from meeting one another. Normally, in his experience, couples don’t talk about the possibility of marriage for months, sometimes even years into the relationship. And, Robbe hadn’t had good experiences in terms of marriages. His father had left his mother while Robbe was in high school and he had been in the middle of a brutal custody battle.

But, facing it with Sander? That didn’t sound so bad. 

“Or, we’ll throw a huge party and get everyone there. Everyone, just all together,” Sander started, rolling out of Robbe’s grasp and grabbing the pack of cigarettes from its designated spot on the nightstand. Once he was free from the sheets without reaching to pull his clothes on, Robbe propped himself up, feeling a little concerned as he glanced at the windows which were opened. But, the blond paid no heed, moving over to it and opening it as he lit a cigarette.

“Sander,” Robbe spoke, sitting up and folding his hands in his lap.

“What?” Sander replied, unconcerned as he took a drag. 

He offered it to Robbe, who shook his head. “Someone will see you, Sander.”

Sander shrugged his shoulders, not phased, “There’s no one to see me here.” 

Sander resumed looking out the window, taking long drags of his cigarette as he stared outside, the cold January wind lightly filling the apartment. And, all Robbe could do was watch him. He wasn’t shivering from the cold and completely unphased about the fact that he was naked in front of an open window. His bedroom window faced the street and they were too far up for anyone to make out anything. 

Sander glanced back at the bed, his eyes connecting with Robbe’s brown ones. “What?”

Robbe shook his head, “Nothing.”

But, Sander wasn’t buying it. “Is there something wrong with being naked, or what? Naked is beautiful. Don’t you think I’m beautiful?” 

“I do,” Robbe affirmed, relishing in the smug smirk that crossed Sander’s face at his response. “Naked or otherwise, I think you’re beautiful. But, I’d prefer you being beautiful back in bed. With me.” To prove his point, he wrapped the covers tighter around him and shivered. “I’m cold.” When Sander didn’t move, Robbe whined, “Just come back, _please_?”

Sander smirked, taking a drag before beginning to press out his cigarette and closing the window. “Only because you asked nicely,” Sander teased. Robbe smiled, throwing open the covers for him to slide in. But, Sander took his time to return back to Robbe’s side. “I’ll propose on a balcony and I’ll wait. Then,” he decided, crossing the room at a snail’s pace. Robbe propped himself up on the bed, watching him. Sander’s eyes were wide, darting around, as he continued, “I’ll come to get you, with a white limousine, Tesla. And I’m wearing a white suit. You are as well.”

He paused, taking one final drag before the cigarette burned out. 

“No, we’ll just go naked. Yeah, we’ll go naked.”

“Naked?”

“Yeah, with a bowtie,” Sander replied, leaning over the bed. He was nowhere near Robbe, but the blond’s happiness was infectious. Robbe wasn’t certain that he had ever seen Sander look so free and open and undeniably _happy_. “Just as a statement: this is us. And, we’ve got nothing to hide.” Sander moved closer to Robbe, one leg propped on the bed now, and he was hovering over him, a confident look in his eye and a smug smirk on his lips, like he said all that he needed to say. “Take it or leave it.” 

Robbe chuckled, grinning up at him, before leaning up to press his lips against Sander’s. 

For a heartbeat, he stayed hovered over Robbe, but the brunet reached up, wrapping his arm around Sander’s shoulders and pulling him into the bed. Sander shifted into the covers, his lips moving against Robbe’s and his arms wrapping around the other’s waist, comforting and strong, his fingers brushing lightly against Robbe’s skin. His head landed against the pillow and Robbe shifted over him, his arm gripping tightly on Sander’s shoulder before moving to grip at his waist. 

* * *

Robbe was certain that he had fallen asleep at some point. 

Despite the bright lights around them, despite the fact that his body vibrated with intensity, he felt more at peace than he had in weeks, months, _years_. Sander made him feel safe, secured, grounded to the earth and like nothing could ever pull him from it. Especially in moments like this, where Sander is curled against Robbe’s chest, the blond strands of his hair tickling the underside of his chin, his arm draped over Robbe’s waist on the other side of the comforter, his forehead pressed against Robbe’s nose, breathing him in, every aspect of _Sander_ that he could greedily get his hands on. 

But, even if Robbe had slipped into sleep, he was awake when Sander spoke up, whispering, “In how many universes are we lying like this right now?”

Robbe smiled, letting out a breath and pulling Sander closer, if possible, “An infinite amount.” 

“Nowhere as happy as we are,” Sander decided. Robbe pressed a kiss against his eyebrow, the closest thing that he could touch. As he did so, he felt a little tension leave Sander’s body and Robbe felt his eyebrows furrow, having not realized some was even there. “I don’t want this feeling to ever stop.”

“Me neither,” Robbe admitted. Now that he had recognized that there was some tension in Sander’s shoulders, he could feel it everywhere, pressed against his entire body. Worried and concerned, he pressed another kiss to his forehead, running his fingers through his hair, rubbing his nose against Sander’s forehead, trying his best to let Sander know that he was there. 

In his arms, Sander relaxed a little further. 

“Do you know what’s the only way to keep feeling like this feeling?” Sander paused, hesitating. After a couple of seconds, his eyelids drooping slightly, Robbe let out a noise, to encourage Sander to continue but also to wake himself up. It worked, both ways, because Sander continued, “By dying with it.” 

Robbe was awake now. “Don’t say something like that.” 

Sander shifted in his arms, fully turning towards him and looking up at him in his arms. At first, his eyes were wide, staring into Robbe’s soul, calm and gentle. But, then, they started darting all over Robbe’s face, back and forth and back and forth, as he whispered, “It was a joke.”

Robbe shook his head. “That wasn’t funny.” 

Sander’s eyes darted across his face again, searching, before his eyes closed and he blindly went to press a peck against Robbe’s lips. Then, he opened his eyes to stare at him and whispered out an, “I’m sorry.” It’s meant to calm Robbe, he thought, but all he can do is hold Sander a little tighter, press more kisses against his forehead, and whisper into his ear. It’s only when Sander’s arms tighten around him and Robbe vaguely hears what sounds like “I love you” before he drifted off into sleep.

* * *

Sander shifted in his sleep, uncurling his arms from around Robbe, and moved around in the bed. Robbe vaguely remembered Sander getting out of bed, moving toward the window for a cigarette, before eventually slipping back beneath the covers, an arm’s length away from Robbe. He reached out, feeling Sander’s tense muscles beneath the pads of his fingers and shifted closer, resting on the same pillow in hopes that it would help Sander, help him relax.

“Are you hot?” Sander had asked at one point, pulling the brunet out of sleep once again. But, he didn’t mind if it meant Sander relaxing. But, his comment made Robbe realize that the window was open again, cold January swirling around the room. Robbe wasn’t hot, and he told him, so he scooted a little further away from Sander and burrowed into the sheets, so Sander could be able to cool down. If he was hot on his own, then Robbe’s body heat would only make it worse. 

Sander disappeared from the bed completely. 

“Come,” Robbe whispered, reaching blindly for him and failing to find him in the darkness. “Come and try to get some more sleep.” 

“I’m hungry,” Sander replied before his voice faded out, likely because Robbe’s sleep heavy mind was drifting into sleep. Robbe forced himself awake, catching the tail end of his statement, “-great burgers there.” _Where,_ Robbe thought and he must’ve spoken it aloud because Sander replied, “The Mier.” A brief light appeared as Sander opened the door, the light of the hallway penetrating the darkness of the bedroom. 

“Are you sure?” Robbe replied. “I can make you something.”

Sander didn’t answer, just leaving.

“Be careful,” Robbe mumbled, lying against the sheets. 

It’s only when the front door opened but didn’t slam that he peaked his eyes open, glaring lightly at the door to the hallway that didn’t close all the way. He might’ve shifted away, gone back to sleep, but his eyes caught sight of the t-shirt illuminated by the hallway light. A Pink Floyd t-shirt. The same one that Robbe had pulled off of Sander’s chest before their shower. 

Robbe sat up, his hands finding the light of the lamp and flipping it on. His t-shirt, his denim jeans, his phone, his boots… 

Without thinking, Robbe climbed out of bed, moving towards the window, and he spotted Sander past the entrance of the apartment complex, walking blindly and quickly, turning the corner and disappearing from his sight. His blood ran cold and Robbe rushed to collect his things, pulling his pants on haphazardly. _He’s still naked._ He pulled on his shirt, not caring that it was inside out, his hair all messy, and he ran out of the bedroom only collecting his phone from the dresser. The front door had been left open and Robbe collected his hoodie from the floor, slipping it on, shoving his feet into his shoes. 

There was a warm-looking blanket draped over the back of the couch and Robbe grabbed it. 

Without thinking, he dialed Amber, pressing the call button and not caring about the time. By the time that Robbe would get downstairs, Sander would have a considerable head start and the less guesswork that he would have the better. As the dial tone rang, he grabbed his jacket, the keys on the counter that had a David Bowie keychain as well as his own, and headed out the door, fumbling for which one belonged to the apartment door. After three rings, her voice mail answered and Robbe stopped the call, cutting off the cheery message halfway through and calling again, as he raced down the hallway, shoving Sander’s keys into his pocket as he did so. 

As he arrived at the elevator, the electronic sign above it indicated that it was on a higher floor and only going higher so Robbe threw himself against the door to the stairs, headed down and taking the steps two at a time.

Another voice mail.

Another call. 

“Pick up,” Robbe hissed, _pleaded_ , somewhere between the fourth floor and the third. 

Finally, Amber picked up, groggily answering, “Hello?”

“Amber,” Robbe spoke, out-of-breath even as adrenaline pumped through his veins. 

“Robbe?” Amber spoke, a worried tone filling her voice. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted, passing by the second floor. “Sander left, saying he was going to get food, but I realized that he wasn’t wearing any clothes and he just left and I don’t know where he’s going.” There’s movement on Amber’s end and a muffled comment from Aaron in the background. “Amber, I don’t know where he was going and he didn’t seem one hundred percent there and…”

“Robbe,” Amber spoke. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Robbe replied. “He’s out in the cold and naked and I need to find him before…” 

Robbe didn’t know what he was thinking of, just that he had been worried. 

One day, his mother had seemed out of it and had left the house abruptly, leaving Robbe alone. He had raced out to find her, only for both of them to have been picked up by police. They never told him what they had found her doing, but Robbe could make an assumption from the sorrowful looks on their faces. Robbe knew that a portion of it was because of brain chemistry and stuff he couldn’t control, but after that, he tried to tell his mom that he loved him every day, both in words and by doing things that she didn’t ask him to.

Finally, Robbe reached the first floor, jumping the last bit of remaining stairs, not caring that his ankle lightly throbbed in pain, as he threw the door open to the lobby so hard that it rebounded against the wall. The night manager yelled at him for making such a loud noise, for injuring the wall, but Robbe ran across the lobby without responding, throwing his side into the door and moving frantically across the courtyard. 

“I’ve got a blanket and my jacket for when I find him, but I don’t know where he’s going,” Robbe forced out, trying to get the image of his mother, so sad and broken from his mind. Thinking about that day would only make things worse and right now, Sander needed him more than ever. “Do you have any idea where he might be going?” 

Amber let out a breath. “Um, I can think of two places that he would go to.”

“Where are they, Amber?”

“One of them is the Academy, where he went to college,” Amber spoke, quickly. “And the other is a park that he, Camille, and I used to go to.” Robbe threw the blanket over his shoulder, pulling out his own keys to undo his bike lock. He didn’t have the pockets or the time to properly wrap it up, so he held onto it throwing one leg over his bike as he wrapped the blanket tight around his arm so it wouldn’t get caught in his bike tired. “You’re closer to the school. It’s where Noor went to school too. Do you know it?”

“Yeah,” Robbe replied, throwing his leg over his bike and taking off. His heart pumped in his chest and the only thing he could think about was _Sander_. “I’m head there now on my way.”

“Aaron and I will check the other place,” Amber spoke, quickly. She was sounding panicked and the chill was already getting to Robbe with his clothes on. He couldn’t imagine being naked and, if possible, that made his legs move a little faster, pedaling harder and harder to get to his eventual destination. “Let me know if you find him.”

“You too!” Robbe shouted before the phone clicked. 

He shoved the device into his pocket, pedaling off in the direction of the Academy, in the direction that Sander hand gone. The agonizing fear and the constant worry filled his bones as he glanced around the empty streets, pulling his hood up, and searching for any sight of platinum-blonde hair and tanned skin. His thoughts screamed, _Sander_ , over and over, chanting inside his skull, as he attempted to will the universe to let him find him as soon as he could, pedaling as hard as he possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to talk to me, or send me your thoughts about the chapter, you can always send me a private message or drop an ask into my inbox on Tumblr --> ravenbrenna09.tumblr.com
> 
> I love you all and all your support and words of encouragement from the bottom of my heart. I'll see you all next chapter!
> 
> Also, apologies in advance if there are a handful grammar mistakes. No matter how much I edit, I always seem to find some when I read it on AO3. Sometimes, when I'm writing, my fingers work faster than my brain and it just happens. But, if there is some, I'll get them edited out as quickly as I can!


	7. Red and Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, this does include the aftermath of Sander’s manic episode from the previous chapter.
> 
> I just wanted to thank everyone for the love and support that you guys have commented on any of my Tumblr posts or on AO3. All of your love and support over the past seven chapters (almost eight!) have meant the absolute world to me and even though this journey is almost (sort of because there is still Sander’s POV) over, I cannot express my gratitude for all of the love and support that you have given. Seriously, this work has helped me regain confidence in my writing and I couldn’t ask for anything more.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Robbe found Sander. 

How the platinum-haired man had gotten all the way to the Academy without anyone seeing or reporting him was something that Robbe couldn’t fathom. He must’ve been out of it, and knew all the right shortcuts, but he had somehow managed to get there before Robbe, pedaling his bike as fast as he could, managed to. He was pulling helplessly on the iron gate to try and get it open, but it wouldn’t budge. When Robbe wrapped the blanket around him, the man tilted into the fabric of the blanket and toward where Robbe’s hands were placed. He was shivering helplessly and leaned into the warmth of the blanket, towards Robbe who helped lower him to the ground when his legs gave out. 

He was too cold.

“It’s okay,” Robbe whispered, pulling out his phone and using his other hand to rub warmth to him through the blanket. Sander huddled in the blanket, drawn tight around him, and Robbe shrugged off his jacket to drape it over his feet which were still exposed. “It’s okay,” Robbe whispered, pressing a kiss against his forehead. It was cold to the touch and Robbe shivered.

_I found him. He is at the Academy._

In his arms, in the blanket, Sander shivered violently, his eyes drooping closed and his lips a deep shade of purple. “Sander, come on, Sander, you have to stay awake,” Robbe spoke, sounding desperate. Sander’s eyes blinked open, staring up at him, barely, but nodded his head all the same. “Just stay awake for me, please, I’m calling an ambulance. Just stay awake.” 

He dialed 112.

The ambulance arrived within minutes, but Sander’s shivering hadn’t gone down much, even with the clothes over him. the paramedics practically had to pull Sander from Robbe’s arms to assess him. As one paramedic went to fetch something from the ambulance, the other looked at Robbe, reaching out to grab his shoulder and trying to assure him, “He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay, I promise.”

Robbe nodded his head, not realizing that he himself had been shaking, both from the cold but also from being scared, being terrified of what might happen to Sander. In fact, now that he thought about it, he wasn’t even for sure how long he had been riding. As the paramedics moved Sander to wrap him up in a blanket designed to heat him up and keep it trapped in, Robbe glanced at his phone. 

It was after midnight. 

When had he called Amber? 

When did he leave the apartment?

“Robbe!” 

Amber and Aaron came running around the corner. Both of them were still dressed in sweats and oversized jackets, both of which seemed to be Aaron’s. There was a beanie over Aaron’s head, pulled over his ears, and Amber had a panicked look on her face. The girl paused briefly at Robbe, looking him over and he weakly gave her a nod, before she moved towards Sander and the paramedics. Aaron halted beside him before taking off his own jacket.

“Aaron,” Robbe spoke. 

“Shut up, Robbe, you’re shivering,” Aaron spoke, throwing the jacket on his shoulders a little harshly. 

The paramedic walked over to him, handing Robbe his brown jacket. Amber was hovering over Sander and talking with the other paramedic. Robbe clutched the brown jacket. “Is he going to be okay?” Robbe questioned. Aaron straightened up, waiting for the news as well.

“He will be,” the paramedic replied, nodding his head with a sympathetic look over his face. “He’s still cold to the touch, but he’s starting to come to a little more. We’re still going to take him to the hospital so he can receive a proper look over.”

“Which hospital?” Aaron spoke up.

Whatever the answer had been, Robbe didn’t hear because the other paramedic and Amber were helping Sander onto the stretcher. There was a little bit of flush to his cheeks, his hands were wrapped up fully in the cacoon that he had been wrapped up in, and he was still shivering, but it wasn’t as violent as it had been before. Robbe watched as Sander leaned back, closing his eyes, and the paramedic spoke to him. The paramedic with Sander yelled for the one by them, who moved back to the ambulance to load Sander inside. 

Amber moved back towards them before stepping towards the ambulance. The paramedic was watching her and Amber said something. The paramedic hadn’t been the one to respond to her, so it must’ve been Sander, but whatever he said caused Amber to glance at him and Aaron. There was a brief moment of silent communication that passed between her and Aaron, who patted Robbe’s shoulder. 

“Lock up your bike,” Aaron spoke up. “We’ll follow them.”

Robbe nodded his head, moving to lock his bike to the nearest bike rack. The remaining paramedic closed the door with a resounding slam and Aaron guided Robbe towards his car. The two of them climbed in and Aaron sped off. 

Robbe’s phone buzzed. 

Amber. 

_I’m sorry. You should’ve been the one in here with him._

_Amber, it’s okay. You’re his cousin._

_I know._

_But I know you wanted to be in here too._

Robbe couldn’t argue with that one, and she knew it, so he didn’t respond to her comment. 

_Is he okay?_

_He’s okay._

_He’s afraid._

_Of what?_

There wasn’t a response for a bit. 

Then,

_I don’t know._

* * *

Robbe shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was surprised to see that the parking lot was mostly empty. The handful of cars were few and far between. Aaron had crookedly pulled into a parking space near the front of the hospital beside a maroon four-door bar and beneath a light post. Robbe climbed out of the car, gripping tightly to his brown jacket, and headed into the hospital with Aaron right behind him. There were only a handful of people there and Amber was not one of them. 

Robbe sunk down in one of the chairs and Aaron joined him, patting his shoulder. Both their phones went off and Robbe checked. It was the group chat.

_Jens: I’m sorry, I just woke up. Did you guys find him?!_

_Aaron: Yeah, Robbe found him. We’re at the hospital now._

_Moyo: Any news?_

_Noor: Robbe, are you okay?_

_Robbe: I’m fine._

He wasn’t and Aaron knew it.

_Aaron: He’s worried. We just got to the hospital._

_Aaron: Amber rode in the ambulance. We think she’s back with him now._

_Moyo: Text us the address._

_Jens: We’ll be there soon._

_Moyo: We’ll come to pick you up._

_Jens: Okay. See you soon._

Robbe silenced his phone, shoving it in his pocket. Aaron sent him a glance as Robbe sat forward, clutching tightly at the brown jacket in his hands. As they waited for Amber, or for the rest of the Broerrrs to show up in the hospital, Robbe couldn’t get the image of Sander, shivering and helpless out of his mind. He saw it every time he blinked, all-consuming and almost suffocating. He looked so lost and confused, such a vast difference from how he looked hours ago.

Robbe felt like an idiot. He felt like if he could’ve been fully awake, he might’ve been able to convince Sander to put on some clothes, or recognize that he wasn’t wearing anything sooner, gotten to him before he left the lobby, before he got so far. But, at the same time, that Robbe knew how his mother had gotten when she put her mind to something. He couldn’t remember how many times he had followed his mother around the city aimlessly to make sure that she didn’t hurt herself. He couldn’t have done anything, but he wished that he could’ve tried. 

“He’s okay,” Amber spoke. 

Robbe glanced up, finding her there. The blanket that Robbe had brought from Sander’s place was clutched in her hands. There was a worried look on her face as she sat down in the seat that Aaron was sitting in. He glanced around. Aaron was by the vending machines now. Likely, he had seen Amber and gotten up to meet her. Robbe had been too lost in his own thoughts. “Is he?” he questioned, his voice cracking. 

Amber nodded her head. “He’s in the best place that he can be right now,” Amber replied. 

Robbe nodded his head. “What happened?” 

“The doctor thinks that he was in a manic episode,” Amber replied. “It’s…” she trailed off when Robbe nodded his head. Since they moved in together, Moyo and Robbe talked extensively about their mothers on an almost regular basis. Robbe had found out in high school that Moyo’s mother was bipolar, but he didn’t know what that meant truly until they moved in together. He knew what a manic episode was and Amber seemed to understand that. “There’s nothing you could’ve done, Robbe.”

“I know,” he replied, turning towards Amber. The girl had her blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail and her eyes were staring at him, worried. “I’m just… I’m really worried about him. If he’s okay.” 

“He still seemed out of it,” Amber admitted, pulling the blanket against her lap and fiddled with the loose strands nervously. “I don’t think he was fully aware of what was going on when you found him. He knows that he’s in a hospital because he was talking about it being too bright and getting his meds in order. But, he kept talking about how he left the front door open and that he was worried you were going to get hurt because he had done so.” 

Robbe pulled out Sander’s keys from his pocket, fiddling with the David Bowie keychain on them. “I had locked the door behind me when I chased after him.” 

Amber nodded her head. “Yeah… when Sander’s mother and sister first got here, I told them that you were the one that found him and went after him,” she informed him. Robbe nodded his head, running his hand through his hair and leaning forward. “Robbe-” she stopped suddenly. 

Robbe glanced at Amber, only to see her looking over his shoulder. Curious, Robbe turned around to see what he was looking at only to find a blonde-haired seething woman, Britt, who was standing in the doorway from the parking lot. Robbe noticed Aaron was moving from the vending machines towards them and Amber moved out of her chair. Robbe started to stand up, but he was quickly knocked off balance by Britt’s sudden and rough push. 

“ _You_ did this!” she snapped, shoving him again. 

“What are you talking about?” Robbe questioned, backing up further and dodging Britt’s shoves. Aaron ran over, grabbing her and pulling her away from him. 

“You did this!” Britt spat. 

“Robbe didn’t do anything!” Amber shouted, stepping between Britt and Robbe. The nurses moved from the nurses’ station towards them, to tell them to keep it down, and Amber quickly lowered her voice as she hissed out, “How the hell are you even here? You aren’t even Sander’s girlfriend anymore and I didn’t even call you!” 

“Camille did,” Britt replied, her eyes glaring daggers at Robbe over Amber’s shoulders. “She called me to see if Sander had been with me and caught me up on everything.”

“Well, that was her mistake,” Amber replied. 

Britt rolled her eyes. “Just admit that you never liked me and get on with it,” Britt replied, crossing her arms across her chest. Amber didn’t refute her statement. “That doesn’t mean that I’m not right. Robbe did all of this. He’s the entire reason that Sander went into another manic episode.” 

Britt turned towards Robbe, who was hovering over Amber’s shoulder. The door opened somewhere, but Robbe didn’t look around, not that he had much of a choice as Britt pushed past Amber to stare Robbe directly in the eye.

“He’s ill. He’s bipolar. He’s not in love with you. You’re just the next fantasy that he gets caught up with and his next obsession that he follows until he gets out of his manic episode,” she spoke with certainty. Robbe sucked in a breath. 

Despite the fact that he was trying to remain stoic and unmoved by Britt’s words, the thought twisted at his stomach and nearly suffocated him. Trying to control his emotions, Robbe shakily exhaled, whispering, “I don’t believe you,” because there were lots of reasons to _not_ believe her. Sander’s outburst was only one of them. Robbe knew that Britt’s words were meant to twist, to sting, and she knew all the right pressure points to press. They had known each other long enough that Britt knew how to string at his insecurities, which had never gone away. 

Britt frowned, a knowing look on her face. “You’ll see when his manic episode ends and he breaks up with you just like he has everyone else.” 

But, she was cut off before she could even begin. 

“That’s bullshit,” someone’s voice snapped. 

The three of them turned around, finally spotting who had come into the hospital waiting room. 

Moyo stood behind them, a look of pure anger crossing his face. Alongside Lucas, Jens, and Noor, Moyo was dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie. Noor was clinging to his arm, trying to silently soothe his anger, but Robbe could tell that she was also pissed. Jens and Lucas hovered behind the two of them, standing beside Aaron, with worried expressions on their faces as they were ready to intervene if needed. But, Robbe saw the look on Jens’ face. He was as pissed as Moyo was, glaring at Britt as though he could possibly will her to explode on the spot. 

“Not everything someone does is because of their disorder or because of an episode.”

Britt rolled her eyes. “One time he was manic, he memorized all the lyrics of every one of David Bowie’s songs.” 

“When was this?” Moyo questioned, staring at her with squinted eyes. 

Britt shrugged, “A couple of years ago. Does it matter?” 

“Just because something is enhanced by the mania doesn’t mean that his feelings aren’t real,” Moyo replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sure, one time during a manic episode he memorized all the lyrics of Bowie’s songs, but his love for David Bowie still remained, yeah?” Britt glared at him. “Also, while we’re at it, just because he memorized all the lyrics doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s manic.” 

Moyo turned towards Robbe. 

“You know that you didn’t cause his manic episode right?”

Robbe nodded his head. 

“What’s going on here?” a foreign voice spoke. The group of them turned to find an older woman. Like the rest of them (save Robbe, who had pulled on his jeans in his flight from Sander’s apartment), she was in pajama pants and a sweater. Her brown hair was tied up in a messy bun on the nape of her neck, two stud earrings in her ears. She was frowning, glancing at all of them, but it intensified as her gaze settled down on Britt. “As far as I am aware, Britt, Camille calling you was a mistake. She’s been away with friends for the past two months and she wasn’t aware that you and Sander aren’t together.”

“I was just worried about-”

“Save it,” the woman spoke, holding up a hand. She seemed annoyed and frustrated. Robbe wondered how long she had been listening in on the conversation. “Sander has already informed me that the two of you are not together anymore so you have no reason to be here.” 

Britt moved to speak.

“And, frankly,” the woman added, cutting her off, “I don’t want you anywhere near my son ever again if that’s how you speak about him when he is not around. I’ve already had enough experience with someone hurting my children and I am not about to sit through it again. Please leave. _Now_. Before I decide to call security.” As a final gesture, the woman ushered to the door behind them, the door that led back out to the parking lot. 

Britt stood there, her mouth opening and closing like she couldn’t figure out what to say, before she closed her mouth completely and moved out of the hospital.

Noor let out a sigh and shook her head, “Guess we’re never having dinner again.”

“Probably a good thing,” Moyo remarked. Noor had a look on her face that seemed like she agreed. “The last one _was_ pretty awkward with Britt insisting that Sander was her boyfriend for the entire time and them eventually blowing up at each other outside.”

The woman let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

Amber looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, Aunt Katrijn,” Amber spoke up, rubbing her shoulder. The woman reached up to pat Amber’s hand. “She showed up and starting blaming Robbe for everything and things just sort of exploded.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Katrijn Driesen spoke to Amber. The woman moved towards Moyo, extending out a hand which he took cautiously. “Thank you so much for saying those things,” the woman spoke. “You must be one of Aaron’s friends, right?” 

Moyo nodded his head. “Yeah, and Robbe’s too,” he replied. “It’s no problem at all. My mother is bipolar as well and I couldn’t let her keep saying those things.” He dropped the woman’s hand and nodded towards Robbe, who was still partially obscured behind Amber. “We’ll wait for you outside, okay?” Robbe nodded his head and the boys, and Noor, filed outside. At Katrijn’s glance, Aaron went as well.

Once the group of them were gone, Katrijn turned towards Robbe and Amber, who were the only two remaining. Robbe stepped forward, glancing nervously towards Amber. It wasn’t how Robbe wanted to meet Sander’s mother, but it would, unfortunately, have to do. “How’s Sander?” he questioned. “Is he okay?” 

The woman stared at him, she had the same green eyes as Sander, before she nodded. “He’s still getting warmed up but he’s going to be okay,” the mother replied. Robbe nodded his head, smiling. He was going to be okay. Robbe was trying to work up the courage to ask if he could see him, but Katrijn Driesen seemed to be especially good at reading his mind, “But, he doesn’t want visitors at the moment. Camille is saying goodbye to him now.”

“I’m sorry,” Robbe spoke suddenly, his voice breaking. He felt especially cold at that moment, his body chill beneath the warmth of his own clothes. Amber turned towards him and Katrijn took a step closer. He took a deep breath to steady his breathing. “I should’ve realized sooner,” Robbe stated, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I should’ve been there sooner, but all I had was a bike.”

For a moment, the only thing that Katrijn Driesen did was stare at him and Robbe worried that he had upset her even more. It was his one chance to make a first impression on the mother of the guy that he liked and he might’ve just potentially screwed it up. But, then she stepped forward, reaching out to pat his shoulder. “It’s not your fault,” she replied. “You were there for him, Robbe. You realized that something was wrong and chased after him with a blanket and called the paramedics to help him. Thank you for that.”

Robbe nodded his head, pulling out the David Bowie keys again and handing them to her. The woman took them in her hands and nodded, softly. “I locked up the apartment as I left,” he informed her. “My backpack is still there, but I don’t need it until Monday. All my homework is done.” 

Katrijn smiled. 

“What?” he questioned.

“Nothing,” the woman replied. “But, you’re exactly like Sander described. And, he does know that someone was there. I don’t think he realizes it was you, but he did know that someone was there holding him and trying to get him warm.”

Robbe smiled, pushing his hands back into his pockets. 

“What’s going to happen to him now?” Amber questioned, clutching the blanket closer against her chest. She looked scared and afraid and worried all at once. “Are they going to keep him overnight?”

Katrijn nodded her head. “Yes, he’ll be staying overnight then be transferred in the morning. Sander has decided to commit himself to an institution,” the woman spoke. Robbe let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping and his head dropping as he ran his fingers forcefully though his hair. As he glanced up at her, he noticed that she was saddened by the news as well. “His doctor is hoping that he’ll only have to be in there a week, but it could easily be longer.”

Robbe nodded his head and he spotted Amber mimicking the same motion. 

“Go home, you two,” Katrijn spoke. “It’s late and I promise to give Amber all the updates that she can forward to you, Robbe.” Robbe nodded his head, reaching out to take the blanket from Amber. The girl sent him a confused glance, but it went away when Robbe held it to his chest and hugged it tightly. “I’ll try to get your backpack to you by Monday, Robbe.”

Robbe nodded his head again. “Thank you, Mrs. Driesen.”

“Please,” Katrijn spoke. “Katrijn is just fine.”

“Katrijn,” he replied. He opened his mouth but closed it soon afterward to swallow the sorry forming in his throat. So, instead, he settled on “Goodnight” as Amber hugged her aunt. Then, the two of them walked out of the hospital to meet with their friends, who were waiting anxiously for the news. 

* * *

_earthlingoddity started a live broadcast_

The notification caused Robbe’s heart to jump sporadically in his chest. 

Robbe didn’t care that he was with his study group for his science class, didn’t care that there was a quiz coming up in a week, because all he could think about was opening the notification. He jumped out of his chair, grabbing his phone, and moved out of the room. His study group from the class, including Yasmina, watched him curiously and worriedly. He had been deadly silent for the past two hours, but he was thankful that his old biology partner quickly turned the group’s attention back to the subject at hand. 

Robbe moved outside, sitting down on the bench outside the library and opened the notification.

He let out a breath of relief, seeing Sander on the screen. 

It was obvious that he was still weak, but Robbe recognized his headboard, the dark blue sheets of his bed, and the sight of the opened duffle bag beside him. He was in his apartment, he had been released from the hospital, and Robbe knew this of course. Amber had texted him that Sander was going to be released, to go home and pack some things, before heading to the institution that he was going to check in with. But, Robbe smiled at the sight of him. He had been worried about Sander so seeing him smiling and grinning (even though his mind knew it was half-hearted, not even like the ones before the two of them had kissed) was a welcome relief to Robbe’s worried mind. 

“Okay,” Sander spoke, his voice coming through the speakers of his wireless headphones. He had been talking to the people in the chat, scrolling through the messages as he talked, waiting for something. “It’s been a couple of minutes, so I think that everyone’s here. Um, I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m going on a trip with my family for about a week, maybe two. So, my mom has strictly told my sister and me no phones or technology so don’t expect any updates from me.”

The chat was swarmed with messages and Sander’s eyes darted across everyone. 

“Yeah, it’s one of those surprise family trips that she likes to plan,” Sander replied, a slight grin forming on his face. Robbe studied the smile closely, pondering if he should say something in the chat. Anything to make his smile grow wider. This smile was weaker than all the others and, as if realizing it, Sander swallowed. “So, yeah, don’t get too worried about me over the next couple of weeks since I won’t be posting as often. Now, I have to get back to packing. Just wanted to make sure that you guys knew before I completely disappear off the grid.” 

The chat swarmed with hearts, messages, and David Bowie lyrics as Sander said goodbye to every name that he could see. Robbe thought about sending a message, but the broadcast ended before he could. So, instead, he swiped open his messages, finding Sander’s name, and sending him a direct message. 

_Saw your_ _live._

_How are you feeling?_

When Robbe checked his phone, hours later, he still hadn’t replied, but Robbe wasn’t too surprised. His mother didn’t get her phone back until three days after she had been admitted, finally calling him on the night that he and Noor had gone to the warehouse, the night that Sander had seen him for the first time and Robbe had been blissfully unaware that under the hood and the black mask held everything that he had been searching for and more. 

* * *

_Casa of Milan, Robbe, and Zoënne_

_DINSDAG 14:34_

_Zoë: Robbe, is it true?_

_Zoë: About Sander?_

_Milan: What about Sander?_

_Senne: Did something happen?_

_Robbe: He checked himself into a mental institution_

_Robbe: Same one as my mom. According to Amber._

_Senne: What happened?_

_Zoë: He had a manic episode and voluntarily checked in._

_Zoë: From what I got from Amber._

_Milan: Then why did you ask?_

_Zoë: Amber hadn’t replied yet._

_Senne: Is he okay?_

_Robbe: Yeah, he’ll be okay._

_WOENSDAG 17:03_

_Robbe: I don’t know what to do._

_Milan: About what?_

_Zoë: About what, Robbe?_

_Robbe: Sander hasn’t responded back to me._

_Robbe: I know that he has his phone back._

_Robbe: But, he’s not talking to me…_

_Robbe: Do you think I did something?_

_Milan: Robbe…_

_Senne: Robbe, you didn’t do anything._

_Senne: It’s likely that he’s embarrassed about what happened._

_Robbe: Are you sure?_

_Senne: Yes, Robbe. Whether or not you’re aware of it, he likes you so much._

_Zoë: So much so that he spray-painted your face on a wall._

_Milan: Wait… what?!_

**_Robbe IJzermans_ ** _sent an attachment._

_Milan: Wow, that’s gorgeous._

_Milan: And, I can’t even get someone to make me breakfast._

_Zoë: Haha, I stole Senne away from you._

_Senne: Robbe, just give him some space and he’ll come to you when he’s ready._

_Senne: Sander’s always been sensitive about his diagnosis._

_Senne: He likely didn’t want you to know about it yet and wanted to tell you himself._

_Senne: Okay?_

_Robbe: Okay._

_Robbe: I just want to see him._

_Robbe: But, not until he wants ready._

_Senne: Did you tell him that?_

_Robbe: Yeah._

_Robbe: He hasn’t responded._

_Senne: Give him some time. He’ll let you know._

_Robbe: Thanks, Senne._

_Milan: I think what you mean is “Thanks Dad”_

_Milan: We all know that Senne practically adopted you._

_Milan: I miss your father-son duo so much._

_Milan: I’m such a proud Uncle Milan._

_Robbe: No thanks, Milan. That’s your thing._

_Zoë: Ooo, brutal._

_Senne:_ 😂😂

 _Milan:_ 🖕🏻🖕🏻

_Milan: Fuck you, Robbe. Fuck you._

_Milan: But, let us know when you hear anything!_

* * *

Robbe felt like he was constantly staring at his phone, waiting for it to explode, ring, _something._ He fiddled with the case, constantly refreshed his message fifteen times, and tossed it in the air, anything to keep it in his hands. His teachers were getting annoyed at him, constantly checking his phone, and his friends, Amber, Noor, were all waiting with him, waiting to see if Sander would ever text him, even though they all knew that Sander had been texting Amber and his family for several days now.

It had been a full week before Robbe finally heard from him.

Robbe had been in one of the few classes that outlawed the use of technology, which is probably a good thing because Robbe would be on the Internet for the fifty minutes that the class was being held, and, so as a result, he didn’t find Sander’s text until he had switched on his phone back on, sitting down at a table with Yasmina, who was receiving all the texts from her boyfriend, who always showered her with affection to cheer her up after this class that they both hated. 

Once Sander’s name popped up on his screen, Robbe let out an audible breath and Yasmina immediately glanced up, a look of concern crossing her face as she stared at him, “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “Sander finally messaged me.”

Yasmina smiled, “That’s good! Isn’t it?”

Robbe nodded his head, turning to the message.

_I’m sorry, Robbe. I didn’t mean to scare you._

_You didn’t scare me, Sander._

_And, I’m sorry for the late response, I was in class._

_The teacher hates technology._

_It’s okay. I’ll be quick._

Robbe felt a deep sense of foreboding at the message in front of him, his stomach dropping in his chest and his fingers shaking as he typed out the next message. Across from him, Yasmina had been on a call with her boyfriend and she stopped mid-sentence to stare at Robbe with a worried expression. But, Robbe didn’t glance up at her. He kept his gaze focused on his phone. 

_You don’t have to._

_I’m out of class now._

_Still…_

“Is everything okay?” It was Yasmina, her phone still propped up against her ear and a worried expression plastered over her face. Robbe didn’t realize how stiff his body was until he started to nod his head and found it difficult to do so. Yasmina must’ve known because Robbe heard her vaguely talking in his whispers, heard pieces of ‘I’ll call you back’ and ‘I love you too’. Despite the fact there were three bubbles that indicated that Sander was typing, Robbe waited still, his phone in his hand and constantly refreshing the page. 

When the messages finally came through, his heart officially stopped in his chest. 

_My mom told me that Britt talked to you and what she said._

_Britt was right._

_You’re just another obsession._

_I’m sorry to drag you into this._

_I’m sorry._

Robbe pinched his eyes closed, his tears springing to the corner of his eyes, but only one single solitary thought rang through his head, pounding against his skull like he was about to have a headache. _He’s lying_. He was lying. Robbe couldn’t say how he knew for sure, but he did, because he just did, he knew it in his bones, in his heart, in his brain, in his soul. 

Sander was lying. 

Sander wanted to be with him. 

Robbe knew what it was like to be kissed, going through the motions with moving lips and tongues and holding to one another. Robbe had done it way too many times in high school, back when he was still in the closet, so he knew what that felt like. But, what he felt with Sander was completely different than that, even different from the kisses that he had received after he came out. It was something that sent his entire skin ablaze, consuming his blood like wildfire, something that made him feel completely alive and made him feel like he belonged, safe and secure, wrapped Sander’s arms and kiss. 

And, he knew it. 

_You’re lying._

His thumb hovered above the blue arrow to send the message. 

Robbe closed his eyes, but he was unable to send it. 

He deleted the message, pushed himself to his feet, and mumbled out an excuse to Yasmina, his head was pounding, he couldn’t think, he needed to go home. And, whatever it is that his mouth managed, she seemed to have believed him because she didn’t chase him through the school and to his bike, which they managed to fetch from the Academy over the weekend. 

His phone buzzed, likely Yasmina promising to send him notes or Zoë questioning what’s wrong or maybe the boys blowing up the flatshare group chat. But Robbe kept walking, not looking at it, because he knew that the one text message that he wanted, the one that said _I’m sorry_ or _I didn’t mean it_ from a platinum-haired artist that had captured his heart completely and irrevocably, wouldn’t be on his phone screen. 

* * *

When he got home, the apartment was completely empty. 

It wasn’t a surprise to him, of course, because all of the guys were supposed to be at school and Noor was out at work, likely throwing her all into her next piece, and he was supposed to be at school too, knee-deep in his last class for the day, taking notes, and doing homework with Yasmina and Lucas, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t be at school right now, not with his heart shattering into pieces for the second time in three weeks because of the same man. He was thankful that he was alone, for now, because he didn’t have to explain to the boys, didn’t have to explain how he knew Sander was lying and how he could do nothing about it.

Slamming the door shut behind him, kicking off his shoes at the entrance and throwing off his jacket, he moved into the kitchen, wondering if he should drink a beer, or two, or twenty. As he threw open the door to the fridge and only spotted Moyo’s beer that he hated, Robbe frowned. _I knew I should’ve stopped and grabbed a bottle of vodka_. But, as he started to reach for a beer, even if it was Moyo’s beer that he hated, the front door of the apartment opened. Robbe tensed. He had forgotten to lock it. 

But, as he moved to grab a beer bottle to defend himself should someone come rounding the corner with a knife (because he may be heartbroken, but he could still swing a bottle), a soft voice called out, nervously, “Is anyone here? It’s Camille Driesen. Amber sent me the address.” 

Robbe moved from the kitchen, around the corner, and, sure enough, there was Camille, standing in the foyer. At the sight of him at the other end of the hallway, she breathed in relief, toeing off her black converse alongside his kicked-off shoes, “Hi! You must be Robbe.” 

“Hi,” Robbe spoke, trying to keep his voice even. “And you’re Camille. I saw one of your photos at Sander’s apartment.” 

Even though Robbe had seen her face in that picture with Sander, she looked a little different. Her features were more rounded and defined. Her brown hair was cut to her shoulders, slightly angled, and the tips were dyed a deep purple that matched the skirt that she was wearing. She had small stud earrings and a nose ring in her right nostril. She quickly crossed over to Robbe and extended a hand towards him, which he took. 

As he moved to take a step back, her grip increased on his hand, her nails lightly digging into the back of his hand to keep his hand in her own. Robbe glanced up and she was studying his face. Apparently, it was a Driesen family trait to be able to read Robbe’s face or, maybe, he was something of an open book because the next thing that Camille did was to question, “What happened?” 

Robbe let out a sigh, taking his hand out of hers to dig for his phone. “My worst nightmare,” he admitted as he pulled up the messages with Sander. He could feel Camille’s hazel eyes on him as he reached out the phone for her to see. 

If she didn’t know, she would eventually. 

Camille eyed him curiously before taking the phone in her hands. Unable to watch her face, Robbe moved back into the kitchen, deciding to just heat up some leftovers. He heard Camille follow after him, spotted her reading the messages as she leaned against the doorway. Then, she let out a sigh, shaking her head as she handed him back his phone, “I’m afraid that Sander has always had a history of self-destructive behavior.” 

Robbe took his phone back. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, thank you though,” Camille replied. Robbe nodded his head. “I know the two of us don’t really know each other, but I just wanted to come over to apologize.” 

Robbe turned towards her. “What for?”

“I’m the one that called Britt,” Camille stated like it was obvious. “If I hadn’t called her there, she wouldn’t have been there to spit those things at you. I didn’t realize that the two of them had broken up. I was away on a trip with some friends and the handful of times Sander and I spoke, he didn’t bring it up.” 

“Why didn’t he tell you?” Robbe questioned. 

Camille shrugged her shoulders. “He’s always trying to make sure that I don’t worry about him and what’s going on with him especially as of late with Estelle,” she admitted, leaning against the counter as Robbe pulled his food from the microwave. At the use of a new name that he didn’t know, Robbe glanced up at her with wide eyes, but the girl continued on without realizing, “Plus, he and Britt have been on-and-off so many times, I don’t even think that I know them all. Probably didn’t want me to get my hopes up that they were finally over.” 

“What happened with Estelle?” Robbe questioned, furrowing his eyebrows. Camille glanced up. There was a look of surprise on her features that were _so_ similar to Sander’s that it almost hurt his already breaking heart. Robbe opened his mouth, closing it briefly, before he added, “And, who is Estelle?” 

“He didn’t tell you?” Robbe shook his head. “Well, I guess that makes sense,” she replied, looking over to the cabinets and partially avoiding his gaze. “He probably didn’t want you to worry about him. I don’t even think he told Amber about what happened.” 

Robbe swallowed. “Who is Estelle? And, why wouldn’t he tell Amber what happened?” 

“Estelle was a girl that had been stalking him,” Camille informed him. Robbe looked over at her. “And, to be honest, if I hadn’t been there to see half of the stuff that she did, I’m sure that I wouldn’t know either. Sander has a bad habit of not wanting others to worry about him which almost always tends to backfire and make them worry more about him.” 

“He has a stalker?” 

Camille nodded her head. “Yeah, and a pretty nasty one at that, though she never did anything violent against him. She basically started following him everywhere that he went. She would send him messages every day through his private messages which he would get, but hers were on another level than the others. But, he was finally granted a restraining order when she broke into his apartment and we caught her in the living room. After that, she got a little vengeful, sending a message saying that the state couldn’t tear them apart.” 

_I didn’t want her to hurt you._

Robbe let out a breath, leaning against the counter. 

_Finally_ , he thought, his mind working into overdrive. It was like the final piece of the puzzle unlocked and everything that Robbe thought was odd had finally clicked into place. The way that he had gotten tense when the pizza delivery man knocked on the door. His comment about not wanting ‘her’ to hurt him. His insistence on never showing Amber or Camille on his Instagram profile (or Britt, he realized, back when they were dating). 

Robbe’s mind flashed to the mini-golf place, the brunette girl that Sander had been yelling at as he headed back to the group, and how he had tried to act like it didn’t matter when it had obviously seemed to have bothered him. Had that been that girl? She had been looking at him star-eyed and on a mission, but Robbe had thought that she was simply a normal fan. But, now that he knew this, he couldn’t help but think that it might’ve been the girl. He had visibly relaxed once she was gone and had restrained himself in how he touched Robbe, simply placing a fleeting kiss and gripping his hand, once she had appeared. 

“Oh,” Robbe breathed out. It all made sense. 

Camille must’ve known because she patted his shoulder in comfort. “It’s why he moved to the apartment that he did,” she continued. “Either you have to have a key to the gate or someone has to give you the code to get inside which I’m sure you know. Even if she could scale the gate or the brick fence, it’s difficult to do and is technically trespassing. She could be arrested on the spot even without the restraining order.” Robbe did know this because he had asked last week. “It’s why he stopped posting photos of him and friends, why his friends are always off-camera, why he started posting fewer photos with himself.”

“Yeah,” Robbe replied. “I followed him for about a year before we met.” 

Camille’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh? He broke his sacred rule?”

“Yes and no,” Robbe laughed, the first real laugh in ages. “He didn’t know that I was a fan until I told him. He saw me somewhere else and managed to find me on Instagram when Noor tagged us in a post. Then, we started talking and everything escalated from there.” 

Camille smiled. “I really am happy that Sander found you. He really needs you right now.”

Robbe glanced at her. “You read the messages,” he replied. She nodded her head. “Sander doesn’t really want me around him at the moment. Even if we both know that it’s not true, I need to respect what he wants.” 

“You’re right,” Camille spoke up. “That is what he said, but I know Sander better than anyone. He’s broken up right now. Ever since what happened with our father and Britt and Estelle, Sander believes that he’s toxic to anyone that he’s around and only accepts the love that he thinks that he deserves. That is the _only_ reason that he and Britt managed to survive as long as they did.”

Robbe didn’t know what it was, it might’ve been the way that she said or the exasperation in her voice, but he chuckled at the comment. “Sorry,” he mumbled, covering his mouth. “I know that this is a serious moment.” 

“It’s okay. All I do is laugh in serious moments, I literally _can’t_ have a serious moment,” Camille replied, a grin forming on her face as well. “Anyways, back to Sander, the only reason that he’s telling you to stay away from him is so he won’t hurt you anymore. He thinks that you’re better off without him so he’s pushing you away so you won’t get ‘dragged down’ with him.”

Robbe let out a sigh, leaning his head back. 

Despite having never seen them together as a legitimate couple, Robbe had seen how Britt treated Sander as her boyfriend, making decisions for him like he couldn’t properly make them. The first time had been at the bar where she had been _insisting_ that Sander was her boyfriend and he had finally gotten sick of it, shouting at her to stop calling him that and storming out of the bar. The second time had been that blasted text of a heart when they were together. And, then, there was the hospital where she had insisted that Sander would come running back to her once it was all over. 

Robbe didn’t want to be like that because Sander had his own feelings and knew what he wanted. 

But, at the same time, Robbe couldn’t help hearing a voice in the back of his head, sounding an awful lot like Senne had when he encouraged Robbe to confront a boy that had broken up with him over text.

_I don’t know about you, but I would want to hear that face-to-face._

_Face-to-face, Robbe. Face-to-face._

“Am I allowed to see him?” Robbe whispered. 

Camille nodded her head, a bright grin forming on her face, “You’re one of four people allowed.” 

Robbe let out a breath, grabbing his leftovers and sticking them back in the fridge. They were cold, anyways, because he had waited too long. He headed out to the foyer to put on his shoes and jacket. Camille followed after him, the grin spreading over her face. 

“I do have one favor to ask,” Camille replied, pulling a sketchbook out of her bag that she had left by the entrance. “Can you give this to him once you get there? It’s a blank one. He’s already gone through all the remaining pages of the one that brought with him and I decided to surprise him.” 

"I'll give it to him," he responded, taking it from her and putting it in his bag. As Camille bent down, balancing on one foot like a flamingo to stick her feet back into her converse, Robbe smiled at her. “And, thank you.” 

Camille smiled up at him, nearly falling over and laughing in the process. "Just go make my brother happy, okay? I can tell that he misses you." 

_I miss him too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry for the smidge of angst)


	8. We Break So Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, we made it! 
> 
> I love everyone so much and thank you so much for sticking with me through this story. Like I said before the previous chapter, I don't think that I'll ever be able to properly express my gratitude for everyone that has followed along either on AO3 or on Tumblr.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy the final chapter! It's been a wild ride, but I'm so thankful that I was able to see it through with you guys!

The route to the hospital was familiar and comforting, but his thighs burned before he had even gotten halfway there. Robbe was pushing himself too hard, trying to get to the hospital as quickly as he possibly could. Once the hospital was in sight, his heart pounded a little harder against his ribcage and his stomach fluttered nervously. His hands were shaking as he locked up his bike, making it difficult to close the lock, and continued to shake as he moved into the hospital and spotted the receptionist, Alicia, behind her designated desk, chewing on the end of a blue pen.

“Hi, Robbe!” Alicia greeted, realizing he had walked in. As he got closer, he realized that she was had her textbook propped up beside the monitor again. Robbe grinned in greeting, his nerves bouncing around in his chest and preventing him from talking. “Your mother is fixing to head to group therapy, but you can-” she trailed off once Robbe shook his head. The woman paused, eyeing him cautiously. “Are you not here to see your mom?” 

“No,” Robbe admitted and Alicia gave him a look, a curious look. In the past few weeks, with the exception of one time when he came earlier than he normally did, she had always been here when he arrived to see his mother. And, before now, he had never been here to see anyone else. “I’m here to see Sander Driesen,” he admitted. Her face turned into one of surprise as she turned to her computer, typing in Sander’s name. 

“Ah, he seems to be on a tight visitor’s access,” she replied, looking over the screen thoughtfully. “It _does_ look like you are one of his assigned visitors, but I will need to see your id to verify.” Her eyes flittered over to Robbe, who raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I know who you are but it’s the policy for this type of situation. I promise I’m not being a stickler.”

Robbe laughed, fetching out his wallet to pull out his id. Once he pulled it from his wallet and handed it to her, Alicia took it immediately. “It’s okay,” he remarked. Alicia gave him a thankful nod as she typed in the information. “You’ve never asked for my id before. Did something happen?”

“Yes and no,” Alicia admitted, under her breath. “Mr. Driesen has a specific amount of people that can see him as I’m sure you are aware.” Robbe nodded his head. “And, we’re just trying to take every precaution that Mr. Driesen is healing comfortably and one of those ways is making sure that he’s not bombarded by people coming in and out of his room who aren’t supposed to be there.” 

Robbe understood. 

“And, don’t forget to sign-in,” Alicia spoke up, pushing the clipboard towards him. Robbe nodded his head, reaching over to grab a pen. As Alicia placed his id on the counter, she spotted him hesitating over the name for the patient. Normally, he would write his mother’s name and be on his way, but there were so many hoops to jump through just to check-in. Would he need to put something else? Alicia must’ve known because she offered him a sympathetic smile. “Fill that blank with 1026.” 

He didn’t understand, but he did it anyways, scratching in 1026 in the box labeled _Patient’s Name_.

“Robbe,” a woman’s voice spoke. He glanced up to see Katrijn walking into the lobby from the main part of the hospital. The woman seemed a lot calmer than she had been in the hospital with and her shoulders were relaxed. Today, she had dressed slacks and a nice button-down shirt with her brown hair lightly curled. He smiled nervously at her, handing Alicia back the clipboard as well as grabbing his id from the counter. “It’s so good that you’re here. Sander’s in his room right now.” 

“That’s good,” Robbe replied. “He’s doing good?” 

“I don’t think he’s slept much and I’m sure he’s about to wear himself thin,” she admitted, frowning. She turned towards Alicia, who had begun to stand up in her seat, presumably to take him to the room. “I’ll take him to my son’s room if you don’t mind.” 

“Of course, ma’am,” Alicia replied, sitting back down. 

“Um,” Robbe spoke up, leaning back towards the receptionist. The girl looked up at him, curiously, as Robbe leaned back against the counter, “If I stop by to see my mom on my way out, do I need to come back and let you know where I’ve gone?” 

“You don’t have to. Do you want me to tell her to expect you?” 

“No,” Robbe admitted. Truthfully, Robbe didn’t know what he was going into with Sander. It was equally likely that Robbe might end up crying and that he would up elated. Despite what Camille had said, Sander might continue to push Robbe away and it might break Robbe’s heart further. If his visit ended up resulting in that scenario, he didn’t want his mother to worry about him too much. From her texts, he knew that she had been having a rough week. “It’s alright. I want to surprise her.” 

“Course,” Alicia replied, smiling. “My lips are sealed. To her, I never saw you.” 

As Robbe moved to follow Katrijn down the hallway, she glanced at Robbe questionably, “Is your mother a doctor here?”

Robbe shook his head, glancing over at the mother who was watching him expectantly. “No, she’s a patient here,” he admitted, sticking his hands down in his pockets. “She checked herself in about a month ago. Her doctor says that she should be out by Valentine’s Day which is good because she’s already upset that she missed Christmas.”

“Do you come to visit her often?” Katrijn questioned. 

“I try to come at least once a week after classes and I stay until she goes to bed,” he replied. The two of them turned the corner and headed further down the hallway. “If I can’t come on the week, I try to come over the weekend to see her. But, if I can’t make it at all, my best friend tries to come up and see her. Back between semesters, I tried to come up every other day when she didn’t have group therapy.” 

“That’s good,” Katrijn replied. “I’m glad that the two of you have a good relationship. And, your father?”

Robbe shrugged his shoulders. “We have dinner when he’s not busy and in town, but other than that, we don’t really get along,” he admitted, the nerves buzzing in his stomach as they stepped closer and closer to Sander’s room. The woman beside him started to slow down and Robbe followed her lead, spotting a nurse exiting a room and giving them a small smile, shutting the door and heading in the opposite direction. 

Katrijn nodded her head to the door that the nurse had come out of.

 _1026_.

“Here we are,” she spoke quietly, staring at the wooden door. Sensing that she was going to say something else, Robbe hovered outside the door and waited for Katrijn to dissect her own thoughts. “Ever since I kicked his father out,” she started, her voice was hush quiet like Robbe wasn’t meant to hear, “I’ve always been so worried about Sander. He took so much onto his shoulders, helping me with Camille, and I was worried when Britt entered our lives. But, I thought that maybe… I could let him live his life the way he wanted too…” She trailed off before glancing at Robbe, the same green eyes staring at Robbe. “Take good care of him, okay?” 

Robbe nodded his head, silently, the uncertainty building up in his stomach as he thought over Sander’s text messages and looked at the door that Sander was hidden behind. Despite the uncertainty that his texts and his words had brought to Robbe’s chest, there was also a warmth that was present because Robbe _knew_ … He just knew that he was supposed to be with Sander and, even though he knew that Sander could take care of himself, he’d be there to take care of him because he wanted to, should Sander ever need his help. 

“I will,” Robbe spoke. “I promise.” 

Katrijn smiled at him, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you,” she spoke, sounding like she meant it. Robbe nodded his head, reaching up to pat her hand. “I have to go to a meeting with my next client for my job. I promise that I will be back sometime later this afternoon to check on him. I hope to see you then.”

 _Me too_ , Robbe wanted to say, but he didn’t, simply nodding his head and moving toward the door. Katrijn headed down the hallway, back towards the lobby, gripping her purse tightly in her hand. 

Once she stepped around the corner and he was left alone in the hallway, Robbe breathed deeply out of his nose, trying to calm his nerves. Despite what he knew to be true that Sander had liked him ( **loved** him, his mind whispered, wandering back to the mural on the side of the building, the mumbled _I love you_ in Sander’s bed), his nerves bounced around in his stomach and his mind went into overdrive to try and calm himself down. 

Hovering outside the door, Robbe bit down on his lip.

 _He’s not going to reject you_ , he thought to himself, but Robbe’s nervous, muddled mind couldn’t tell if that was a reassurance, a prayer, or the truth. No matter what happened, Robbe knew that he couldn’t handle Sander saying those words to his face, that Robbe had simply been an obsession. Ever since Robbe had gotten that message, since he had left his apartment to meet, since they jumped into an outdoor pool in the middle of December (thank goodness it was a warm day), Robbe had been consumed with a burning-hot, wildfire that originated from his stomach, all-consuming from Sander. If it was truly one-sided, that Sander had never felt the same, Robbe wasn’t sure that he could handle it. 

But, Camille’s words returned to his mind. 

_The only reason he’s telling you to stay away from him is so he won’t hurt you anymore._

It was all going to be okay. 

He knew so.

Because Robbe loved Sander.

The realization hit Robbe over the head like a brick. It wasn’t like he had been hiding from it or running away from the fact, but more of like an _oh, there it is_. It had always been there, in the back of his mind, etched into his heart and his bones. But, now that it was in the open, in front of his eyes, as he stood in front of a wooden door with nerves in his stomach and dizzying head, he couldn’t escape from it. He didn’t want to escape from it. 

He loved Sander. 

He loved Sander with every fiber of his being and every ounce of his soul and every beat of his heart. If Robbe had met Sander sooner, earlier in uni, back in high school, even as children, this fact would remain the same. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken as long, maybe it would’ve taken even longer, but Robbe knew that he and Sander were meant to be in every universe that existed out there, every pocket of time. Every decision that Robbe could ever possibly make would lead right back to Sander and his platinum-hair and his green eyes and it would be as beautiful as the one that had come before it, as beautiful as the one that would come after. 

There was no doubt in his mind that Robbe would love Sander in every single possible universe that ever existed. 

But, in this one, Robbe loved Sander and that was all that mattered.

And, so, he reached out, grabbing the doorknob and twisting, pushing the wooden door open and stepping inside.

* * *

In comparison, the room that Sander had been given wasn’t that different from the one that his mother had.

There was a twin-sized bed that was shoved into the corner near the front door with a nightstand that had a tray of untouched food that seemed like it had been sitting there a while. There was a white shelf with small things strewn on it, a discarded t-shirt, a sketchbook that had been abandoned or filled, a tray that had pencils all over it. There was a small desk on the other side of the room and Sander was sitting there, half bent over another sketchbook, his pencil sketching wildly. 

As he stared, Robbe could see what Katrijn had meant. 

His platinum-blond hair was messed up like it hadn’t been brushed in a while and his hands were constantly half in it, raking through the strands absent-mindedly with his non-dominant hand. Even though he could only see the side of his face, he could see the bags beneath Sander’s brilliant green eyes, the slump in his shoulders, and the down-turned look on his face. His cheeks were pink and his eye, the one that Robbe could fully see, was glossy. 

Robbe stepped inside the room fully, closing the door behind him, and it’s only once the door clicked shut that Sander looked up, realizing that someone else had stepped into the room.

Once their eyes caught, Robbe felt his breath catch.

Sander only stared at him with those bright, green eyes, an unreadable expression crossing his face as his eyes bore into Robbe’s eyes. His mouth dropped open and he’s staring at Robbe with a look that mixed vulnerability with fear. Robbe moved to speak but was unable to get any words out. Then, Sander was getting up from his seat, moving towards Robbe with intense and jittery movements. 

For a moment, Robbe didn’t know what was going to happen, and there are numerous unpure thoughts that ran through his mind alongside ones that tore his heart apart, but Sander grabbed him by the shoulders, attempting to push him out the door. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Sander,”

“You need to leave,” Sander spoke, his voice broken, reaching for the doorknob as Robbe’s back hit the door.

“Sander!” 

Robbe reached up to grab onto his arms and Sander flinched away from him, his voice cracking from emotion as he repeated, “You need to stay away!” Sander was on the verge of breaking apart and breaking down, from the way his shoulders slumped, moving back to his desk. His movements had turned sluggish, but the jitteriness was still there in how he moved. Sander sat down in his chair, burying his face in his hands, and Robbe cautiously moved over to him, watching Sander’s tired form.

It’s once Robbe kneels in front of him that he choked out, “You need to stay away from me.”

“I’m not leaving,” Robbe whispered, kneeling in front of him. “Not until we talk about what you texted me.” 

From the way that Sander was sitting, Robbe was between Sander’s knees. They were so close that Robbe wanted to step forward, to wrap his arms around Sander, and to hold him, but Sander had flinched away the last time he touched him. No matter how much that Robbe wanted to hold him until Sander felt self enough to break down, kiss away the tears that were inevitable to come, Robbe hovered barely inside of his reach, not wanting Sander to retreat away from Robbe further. 

Sander exhaled, dropping one of his hands and looking Robbe in the eyes, “ _Please_ … leave.” 

Robbe shook his head, repeating, “I’m not leaving. Not until we talk.”

“Talk about what, Robbe? I meant every word that I texted you.” 

Robbe didn’t believe the words that Sander had texted him, but he worried that saying so would make him retreat further. “Okay,” Robbe whispered, his voice shaking, tears beginning to prick in his eyes. Sander glanced over him, but he looked away as though he was unable to look at Robbe any longer. “If you meant every word, look at me and say it. If you say it, I know that you’ll mean it. I’ll leave and never come back.”

Sander’s eyes flickered up to Robbe, green eyes connecting with brown. There was a look of determination etched onto his features and he moved to open his mouth, to say what he need to say to get Robbe away, but it got caught in his throat, his eyes getting glossy. Sander shook his head, turning away and burying his eyes in his hands. Robbe let out a breath that he didn’t realize he had been holding. “Please,” Sander begged. “You need to stay away from me.” 

“I’m not leaving,” Robbe insisted.

“You say that now.” 

“I’ll be saying that tomorrow,” 

Sander’s other hand dropped to his other knee, his fingers barely brushing against the fabric of Robbe’s jacket because of how close they were. When he realized, he pulled back his hand and Robbe didn’t move to catch his hand, even though he really wanted to. Sander swallowed, raising both of his green eyes to meet Robbe’s eyes. “I don’t believe you,” he whispered. “Everyone leaves… they always leave…” 

“I won’t,” Robbe whispered. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“But, it’s true.” 

Without thinking, Robbe reached up, grabbing one of Sander’s hands between his own. He paused, worried that Sander would rip his hand away, but Sander didn’t flinch away, not this time. His eyes stared into Robbe’s before he glanced away, back to what was on his desk. Sander turned back fully towards the desk, maneuvering his knees around Robbe to prevent them from touching more. But, even after Sander tried to tug it out of his grasp, Robbe didn’t surrender Sander’s hand, not yet, not again, keeping it in his own and holding on tightly. 

“I’m not letting you go,” Robbe promised, bringing up Sander’s hand to his mouth. He pressed a kiss against the knuckles, but it ended up more as Robbe had simply brushed his lips against them. “I’m never letting you go, Sander.” 

“I’m trying to protect you,” the artist whispered. 

“From Estelle?” Robbe questioned.

“No,” Sander whispered, not looking at him. “From me.” 

Robbe stared at Sander, but the man refused to look at him, staring instead at whatever was on the desk in front of him, his eyes glossier than they had been before. “Why would I need to be protected from you?”

“Because I’m toxic,” he stated. The way that he had said it made Robbe sad like it was a fact of life that Robbe hadn’t seen before. He shook his head, moving to speak, but Sander continued. “I hurt you at that party by kissing that girl, Laura, and I hurt you again because I left you alone at the apartment. Can’t you see? Everything I touch…” he trailed off. “It just breaks.” 

“That’s not true,” Robbe whispered. 

“It _is_ ,” Sander replied, tears in his eyes. 

“No, it’s not,” Robbe replied, his voice a little forceful. Sander didn’t have to glance up at him for Robbe to know that he was unconvinced. “Sander, look at me,” he whispered, moving to where he was in Sander’s peripheral vision. When Sander didn’t turn, he pleaded, “Sander, look at me.” This time, Sander turned, their eyes meeting again, and Robbe continued. “What you said isn’t true. You touched me and…” he paused, unable to think of the right phrase, “And… I’ve never felt anything like that before. Ever since we met, you have done nothing but made me feel safe, secure, and _home_ when we’re together.”

Sander stared at him. 

“I love you,” Robbe confessed, the words slipping off his mouth so easily. 

Sander swallowed, looking away from him and unable to turn back. “You say that now, but sooner or later, you’ll grow to hate me…” he trailed off.

“No, I won’t,” Robbe replied, shaking his head. His knees grew weak, unable to maintain his kneeling position anymore so he stood up, leaning against the desk to get back in Sander’s eyesight. His eyes flickered away from Robbe’s new position, back down to the sketchbook on the desk, but Robbe didn’t look away from Sander. He needed to know how Robbe truly felt. “Not here, not now, not in this universe.” Green eyes flickered back up to him. “Sander, I could never hate you.” 

“That’s what they all say.”

“That’s not true. Does your mother hate you?” Robbe questioned. Sander paused before slightly shaking his head. “And Camille? Does she hate you?” Another shake and Robbe smiled, trying to hide the fact that his heart was breaking, that Sander believed that he wasn’t loved. “See? They don’t hate you. They love you so much. Give me the chance to show you that I’m going to love you, no matter what.” 

“But… you’ll leave,” 

“No, no,” Robbe whispered, leaning down. He gripped Sander’s hand, held it with everything that he had, rubbed the pad of his thumb along Sander’s knuckles, trying to let him know that he was _here_ and that Robbe would never go away. “Not in this universe. In this universe, I’m staying with you. No matter what. What happens later… we’ll deal with it then, okay? I meant what I said. I love you.” 

“But, you were so scared of me,”

“No,” Robbe spoke up. 

“Yes, you were, I remember,” Sander insisted, shaking his head and pulling his hand out of Robbe’s. His hand felt empty all of a sudden and he felt the breaking of his heart in his chest. “You were so scared of me while the paramedics were putting me in the ambulance.” 

“No, I wasn’t scared _of_ you. I was scared _for_ you,” Robbe whispered. “Once I realized that you had left, I went chasing after you because I wanted you to get warm, to be safe. But, I didn’t find you until I reached the Academy and you… you were so cold and I was worried that something serious was going to happen to you because you were out in the cold so long.” Robbe reached out, taking Sander’s face in his hands and turning him so Robbe could look into his eyes as he repeated, “I was never scared of you.” 

Sander blinked. “You weren’t?” 

Robbe shook his head, biting down on his lip. “Never.” There was a look of vulnerability and realization in Sander’s eyes and he looked away. Robbe reached out, grabbing Sander’s hands and causing him to look up at Robbe. “Come on,” he whispered. The blond blinked up at him, confused and silently surrendering both of his hands to Robbe now. The brunet moved to the side, away from the desk and towards the center of the room, tugging on Sander’s hands to get him to follow. “Come, I want to do something.” 

Sander surrendered, allowing Robbe to pull him from the chair. Robbe guided him to the middle of the room, gripping tightly on Sander’s hands, brushing his thumbs across the back of Sander’s knuckles, mapping the skin. Sander blinked at him, a confused, tired expression crossing his face. Robbe clung to the artist’s hands a little tighter. “What are we doing?”

“Just a game that my mom and I always do,” Robbe replied, running his thumb across the back of Sander’s hands, reveling in the field of skin beneath the pads of his thumb. “When her thoughts get too much, we always play this game… I actually got it from Moyo and his mom. Is that okay?”

Sander nodded his head, looking indifferent. “Are there any rules?” 

“There’s only one rule. We’re not going to think _what if we ever…_ but instead, we’ll think _what if in the next minute_ … Okay?”

Sander nodded his head. 

“So, I’ll go first,” Robbe spoke up. “What if in the next minute, we… kiss. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Sander replied. “That’s chill.”

Robbe chuckled, repeating, “That’s chill.” 

As Robbe reached his hands up to cup Sander’s face, his hands fell from his hold, and Sander reached out, settling his hands down on his waist. Robbe let out a shaky breath, standing on his toes to press their lips together. The kiss was gentle and soft, unsure and slow, and Robbe was willing to take all that Sander could possibly give, take it in his hands and cling to it as tight as he could. But, as the kiss continued, he could feel Sander begin to break, his kiss becoming watery, his shoulders began to shake, and Robbe wrapped his arms tightly around Sander’s neck, gripping him tightly, trying to tell him silently.

 _I’m here_. 

_I’m not going away_.

Sander’s lips slid from Robbe’s, but instead of pulling away from him, he took a step closer to Robbe, burying his face into the padding of Robbe’s jacket, his arms wound tightly around his torso, chest-to-chest. Sander gripped onto him so tightly that Robbe felt like he might cut off circulation, but he tried to return the grip, holding him tighter. 

And he clung to him, his arm, his hair, _him_ , when the sob was finally ripped from his lungs, muffled only by Robbe’s jacket.

“It’s okay,” Robbe whispered, rubbing circles on his back with one hand, pressing kisses against his cheek, his jaw, and holding onto him tightly. Sander was openly sobbing now, his face buried in Robbe’s shoulder, tears flowing and gripping him so hard that it almost hurt. “I’m here, Sander,” Robbe assured. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sander’s legs gave out, tilting them back, but Robbe caught them, gripping his shoulders tightly as he lowered the two of them to the floor. Robbe could feel both of their hearts hammering in their chests, Sander’s thumping wildly near his hand, and he wanted to stop Sander’s tears, press kisses against his face until they all went away, make him laugh, make him smile. But, Robbe knew that deep down, he needed this, more than he would ever admit, so he clung to Sander’s hair, pressed kisses along every shred of skin that he could reach, mumbling between each one, “It’s okay”, “I’m here”, “I’m not going anywhere”, “I love you so much”. 

And he would keep doing so. 

Until Sander knew it. 

Until Sander believed it. 

And, even once he did, Robbe was certain that he would never stop. 

* * *

Sander’s sobs ceased long ago, the grip on Robbe had been getting lighter as the sobs had gone down. He could tell that Sander was close to falling asleep. His green eyes would close all the way before snapping open to stare at him, looking up at him like he didn’t believe that Robbe was really there. Then, the cycle would repeat over and over and over again. His knees were getting tired from kneeling on the ground, but he would sit like this if it meant Sander getting some sleep.

But, the bed might be better for his back and him getting restful sleep.

“Do you want to lay down?” Robbe whispered, pressing a kiss on the spot where Sander’s blond hair met his brown roots.

Sander sniffled, not looking up at him. “Do you need to leave?”

“No,” Robbe replied, running his fingers through his hair. Sander hummed softly as he tilted his hand against Robbe’s palm, his eyelids fluttering shut. “But I can tell that you are tired. Your mom said that she didn’t think that you slept last night.” 

“I didn’t,” Sander admitted, leaning further into Robbe’s chest. 

“Let’s get you to your bed then. Surely it’ll be more comfortable than the floor,” Robbe mumbled, pressing a kiss against the other’s forehead. He moved to stand up, to pull Sander to his feet and take him to the twin-sized bed so he could lay down and get some sleep, but Sander’s arms tightened around his waist, holding him in place. He glanced down at Sander. “What is it?”

“Are you going to leave?” 

“No,” Robbe whispered, shaking his head to show him. “I’m not leaving until you tell me to leave… or they kick me out. Whichever comes first.” Despite himself, Sander snorted, a small grin forming on his lips as he buried his head into Robbe’s shoulder, breathing him in. “Come on,” Robbe spoke, tilting his head up. Sander looked up at him. “You look absolutely exhausted.”

Sander nodded his head, allowing Robbe to stand up. Once Robbe was on his feet, he pulled Sander up as well, wrapping his arm around Sander’s side and guiding him towards the bed. Once they had crossed the room, Sander flopped down on the edge and looked up at Robbe, a nervous look on his face as he reached up to take Robbe’s hands in his own. 

“What’s on your mind?” Robbe prompted. 

“Did you want to lay down with me?”

“Do you want me to?” 

Almost immediately, Sander nodded his head, staring up at Robbe with pleading green eyes.

“Then, I will,” Robbe whispered. He pulled Sander’s hands towards him, resting their joined hands against Robbe’s hips. Sander glanced up at him, confused. “I need to take off my jacket and backpack unless you want to feel textbooks.” Sander’s mouth dropped open in a silent, _oh_ , and he nodded his head, unlooping his hands from Robbe’s. Instead, he rested them against the boy’s waist like Robbe thought he might want to. Robbe took off his backpack, then his jacket, depositing them by the nightstand.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Robbe wrapped his arms around Sander’s shoulders and pressed a kiss against his lips, which Sander responded to, one hand going up to the nape of his neck. As they kissed, their lips moving slowly, Robbe leaned back, tugging Sander along with him. The blond followed, their lips never separating. His head landed on a pillow and Robbe shifted until his back was flat against the bed, sliding one of his arms down to settle around Sander’s chest. Resting his head against Robbe’s bicep, the blond’s kiss was getting weaker, barely holding on from slipping into sleep. 

Robbe pulled back, pressing a kiss to his temple, his cheekbone, before letting Sander bury his face into the crook of his neck, half over him. 

“Promise to be here when I wake up?” Sander whispered, his voice soft and sleepy. 

Robbe nodded his head, pressing another kiss against his temple before running a hand through Sander’s hair, whispering, “I promise,” as Sander’s breathing fell into a rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, and his grip on Robbe’s sweater lightened considerably. Sander shifted, his face half-turned to Robbe, his nose pressed against his neck, and Robbe smiled, realizing that he had finally let himself fall asleep. 

He pulled his phone from his front pocket, thankful that it was in the pocket that Sander wasn’t laying on, and sent a quick text to Camille, who insisted on exchanging numbers before Robbe rushed off to the hospital.

_Text your mom. Tell her that Sander finally fell asleep._

He didn’t have to wait long for Camille to respond. 

_I will. How’s he doing?_

_Did you give him the sketchbook?_

_He’s okay. He was drawing when I came in._

_And, no, not yet._

_That’s okay. My mom says thanks for the update and that she’ll see you later._

_Oh, and here’s her number._

**_Camille Driesen_** _sent a contact._

_I’ll send her yours!_

Robbe smiled, leaning back in the bed and turning towards Sander, who was fast asleep, his chest rising and falling. Robbe’s eyes skirted over his face, the gentle flush of his cheeks, the deep curve of his jawline, and the tear streaks that had been carved out along the curve of his cheekbones. He pressed a kiss to Sander’s hair before burying his nose in the strand, breathing in the scent of Sander and his shampoo, marking it down in memory for when they had to separate. 

Even though Robbe didn’t think he could hear him, Robbe whispered, “I love you so much.”

But, Sander must’ve still been half-asleep, half-awake because Robbe heard an “I love _you_ so much, angel” being parrotted back to him, Sander’s breath brushing across the skin of his neck. Sander gripped his side a little tighter and Robbe pressed another kiss to his forehead. 

* * *

“Robbe?” 

Once Sander had fully slipped into sleep, Robbe had quietly and slowly manipulated himself in Sander’s arms so he could reach his backpack. When he finally managed to reach his backpack, he fetched out the textbook from the class that he didn’t go too. He needed to get some brownie points from the instructor, who was likely going to be pissed at him come Monday morning, and knowing the next section of the book would definitely help with matters. 

And, he had expected a nurse or a doctor to come in. 

He just hadn’t expected it to be his _mother’s_ doctor, Dr. Bertrand. 

The woman was standing on the other side of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. Her brown hair was pulled into a bun at the nape of her neck and a white doctor’s coat was draped over her shoulders. She stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. As she crossed the room towards Robbe and Sander, who was still half-tucked against Robbe’s side, clinging to the fabric of his sweater, the woman had a small smile on her face, gazing down at both of them. 

“Good, he’s finally sleeping,” Dr. Bertrand whispered, reaching down to feel Sander’s forehead. “Since checking in, he’s only slept a few hours a day if at all” Her eyes flickered to Robbe, a knowing smile over her face as she stared down at him. “I suppose that I have you to thank for that.”

Robbe shook his head. “I just talked to him.”

“Sometimes, that’s all you need, Robbe,” the woman replied. “I’m sure you, of all people, know that fact.” He nodded his head. “How long has he been asleep?”

“About an hour,” he admitted, unsure. “Maybe an hour and a half? I’ve been reading for my class so I don’t really know how much time has passed.” Dr. Bertrand nodded her head and looked towards Sander with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Since he’s asleep, can I ask you about my mom?” 

“Of course, Robbe,” the woman replied, patting his shoulder. “You can always ask me about your mother, but since he’s asleep, we can go into specifics about how she’s doing and her treatment.” 

Robbe nodded his head, understanding. “How is she?”

“She’s doing really good. She’s currently in group therapy right now and her medication seems to have stabilized again. I still believe that she will be getting out before Valentine’s Day, but when… I’m still not sure of the date. We will know as it gets closer. She’ll be out of here and back home soon. But, I am still going to want your mother to come in once a week for a check-up and group-therapy session.” 

“That’s good,” Robbe replied, smiling as he glanced towards Sander, who snuggled further into the crook of his neck. “Do I need to wake him up so you can talk to him?” 

Dr. Bertrand shook her head. “No, I’ll let him sleep a couple more hours,” she informed Robbe, crossing her arms over her chest. “Since he isn’t sleeping at night, I want to see how he feels after resting for a bit. He doesn’t need to take his medication for a couple more hours so I’ll come back then to talk to him, okay? Since I can’t talk with you in the room, you can go get some food or see your mother.” 

“I understand.”

“Okay, I’ll see the two of you in a couple of hours,” Dr. Bertrand replied. “Would you like me to turn off the overhead light?” Robbe nodded his head as she crossed the room. She opened the door quietly and stepped outside of the room, flickering off the overhead light, leaving only the small lamp on Sander’s nightstand which was just enough light to finish his readings. 

Once the door closed, Sander stirred briefly, his eyelashes opening slightly to stare at him before he was leaning back against Robbe, gripping him a little tighter. 

* * *

Robbe must’ve fallen asleep too.

There was some sort of heavy pressure on his right arm, warmth radiating from the other side of his sweater and a weight slung over his waist. His body was stiff and the pressure from his textbook was missing from his lap. Once that realization hit, Robbe forced his eyes open. Sander was still fast asleep on his arm, his face tucked into Robbe’s shoulder, breathing deeply and sleeping peacefully. But, if Sander was still there, where had his book gone? He had sworn that it was still propped up on his thighs when he had decided to rest his eyes for a little bit.

Which, if he couldn’t go to sleep later, might’ve been a mistake.

“He’s so talented,” a familiar voice whispered on the other side of the room. 

Robbe blinked awake, looking around. 

“You must be so proud.”

“Yes, I am,” Katrijn’s voice spoke up. Robbe blinked, shifting beneath Sander’s arm. “I know that he’s been behind on commissions, but that’s mostly been because of the move and unpacking. Sander has always been able to bounce back, but I feel more at ease, knowing that Robbe is going to be there with him.”

“Yes,” the original voice spoke, sparking a realization in Robbe’s mind. _Mama_. “Robbe has taken care of me for years. I know he will do the same with Sander.” 

“Mama?” Robbe whispered, lifting his head a bit, but not enough to disturb Sander. “Mama, is that you?” 

There’s a mild shuffle and a soft patter of footsteps before Marine IJzermans was hovering over Robbe, her brown hair falling in a braid over her shoulder. His mother was dressed in a pair of denim jeans and a shirt that flowed around her. Robbe blinked up at her as she moved to kneel beside the bed, pressing a kiss against his forehead, patting down his hair. From her spot kneeling beside the bed, she smiled at him, “How did you sleep, sweetheart? We didn’t wake you, did we? Katrijn was just showing me some of Sander’s drawings.” 

As if on cue, the woman stepped into view. Like his own mother, her hair was pulled back and she had changed into a pair of denim jeans and a t-shirt, her hair pulled up on the back of her head. “We didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t,” Robbe assured, rubbing sleep from the corner of his eyes. “Where’d my book go?”

“I put it in your backpack,” Katrijn replied, motioning to his backpack. Because it was unzipped, he could see his textbook was sitting between his binder for class and the sketchbook that Camille was going to give to Sander. Glancing around for his phone, he found the device sitting on the nightstand, which had been cleared off, the tray gone. “Didn’t want you to twist in your sleep and knock it over and wake both of you up. The two of you were sleeping so peacefully that we didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Oh, thank you. I’ve done that before…” he trailed off, leaning back against the pillows. “What time is it?”

“Almost 21:00,” Katrijn replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. Despite the fact that Robbe and Sander took up the majority of the bed, there was still a little edge by Robbe’s knees that she could still sit down on. “Do you need to head back to your apartment? I’ll be here when he wakes up.”

Robbe shook his head, well, as best as he could with Sander’s nose pressed against his neck, “No, the boys are fine without me.” Plus, Robbe had promised Sander that he would be there when he had woken up and he was not about to break that promise. “How do you guys know each other?”

“Oh!” his mother spoke up, her voice quiet and hushed. “I was heading to the cafeteria for dinner and I ran into Katrijn in the lobby.” As if on cue, his stomach growled. “Once we got into talking, she told me that you were up here with this Sander that I’ve heard so much about so she invited me to come with her to check on you two. She was showing me some of Sander’s drawings.”

Robbe smiled. “You mentioned,” he whispered, smiling up at his mother, who reached out to take his hand in her own. “By chance, do you have any food? I’m starving.” 

“I’ll go get you some,” Katrijn announced, standing up. 

“You don’t have to,” Robbe quickly replied, moving to edge out from Sander. 

“Nonsense, I don’t know the last time that Sander ate, so he might be waking up soon and might be hungry as well,” Katrijn replied, waving her hand at him and pulling her wallet from her purse. “Besides, I feel like you are trapped beneath him. It only takes a couple of minutes to get food from the cafeteria.” 

And, with that, she was gone, slipping out the door and giving Robbe no chance to argue. 

Marine IJzermans smiled, taking the spot by Robbe’s knee that Katrijn had left. Her hand was still wrapped firmly around Robbe’s free hand and she smiled down at him. “Does Dr. Bertrand know that you’re in here?”

“Yes, Katrijn and Dr. Bertrand have both been very welcoming,” his mother replied, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb. “But, I do need to get back to my room soon before the drowsiness kicks in. You know how I get once I take my meds.” 

Robbe smiled. “I know, Mama,” he whispered. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was here.”

His mother shook her head, smiling. “It’s okay, sweetheart. While the two of you were sleeping, Katrijn caught me up with what had happened last weekend,” his mother assured, rubbing his shoulder. Her eyes flickered over to Sander, who was still wrapped protectively in his arms. “He’s absolutely beautiful.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “He is.” 

“And, he makes you happy?” his mother questioned. 

Robbe nodded his head, feeling his own grin forming. “Unbelievably so.” 

His mother smiled, one of those grins that could’ve split her face in two, reaching all the way up to her eyes and radiating off her shoulders in waves. She wrapped her hands together, shielding Robbe’s hand protectively and smiling at him. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Someone who makes you happy.” Something must’ve flown through her head because she grinned, whispering enthusiastically, “How about this? If Sander is feeling better, you can invite him to our Valentine’s Day tradition! The two of us, Sander and his family, and maybe Jens, Lotte, and Maarten… oh and Lucas too! We’ll have a full house again.”

Robbe smiled, imaging the chaotic mess. 

“I’d like that,” Robbe whispered.

Sander exhaled a breath. The breath was featherlight against his face, ghosting alongside his cheek before his lips were moving, and Sander’s arms shifted, moving to grip Robbe a little bit tighter than he had moments before, and Robbe realized that Sander was blinking out, whispering out a, “You stayed”, which brushed against his cheek. Robbe turned towards Sander, who angled his face up to look at Robbe. 

“I told you I would,” Robbe replied, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Sander pressed back harder, letting out a sigh. One of his hands was on the back of Robbe’s head, preventing him from pulling away, seemingly unaware that there was someone else in the room. His other hand tightened on Robbe’s waist, shifting him closer beneath Sander’s chest. 

(Somewhere, the door opened and Robbe was certain that he could hear his own mother giggling.)

“How are you feeling?” Robbe whispered, a little breathless, pushing him away and moving to sit up. 

Katrijn had, in fact, returned, handing him a bag of chips which he took greedily and began stuffing his face.

“A bit better,” Sander admitted, weakly. The brunet pulled out a chip, offering it between his pointer and middle fingers. Sander opened his mouth and Robbe plopped it against his tongue. After he bit down on the chip and swallowed, he seemed to realize how hungry he was because he reached in and grabbed another handful. For a moment, he’s quiet. Then, he confessed, “I want to go home.”

“Okay,” Robbe whispered. 

Katrijn appeared over his shoulder, smiling down at her son. “Let’s take you home. I’ll go talk with Dr. Bertrand about getting you released, but she may have a couple follow up questions for you, okay?” 

Sander nodded his head. “Okay.”

“I better get back to my room, sweetheart,” Robbe’s own mother spoke, emitting a yawn. She stood up, pressing a kiss against Robbe’s cheek and ruffling his hair. “Promise me that you’ll text me whenever you get somewhere safe, okay? Wherever you end up.” Robbe nodded his head and she turned towards Sander, who was looking at her confused. “I promise that we’ll be properly introduced when we’re both feeling a bit better.”

Sander nodded his head, smiling up at her. 

Then, both women were out of the room, chatting out in the hallway. 

Robbe leaned over Sander, pressing a lingering kiss against his lips. Sander’s hands moved to the nape of his neck, his lips pressing a little harder. Robbe let him deepen the kiss, opening his mouth to Sander’s lips and kissing him back, greedily and uncaring about either of their breaths right now. Robbe pulled back to stare at him, running his hand through Sander’s hair again. There was a vulnerable and worried look that flashed across Sander’s face. He bit down on his lip, whispering, “Will you come back to my apartment with me?”

“Of course.” 

Sander’s face lit up, a soft smile spreading across his lips. “All weekend?”

“However long you want,” Robbe promised, pressing another kiss to his lips. It was short and fleeting, but Robbe pulled back, attempting to joke, “Though, I will eventually have to go back to my apartment.”

“I know,” Sander smiled, weakly. “I just want you there with me.”

“And, I’ll be there.” Definitely. Surely. Robbe pressed another kiss to Sander’s lips, lingering, before patting his chest and moving to stand up from the bed, his legs stiff. Sander watched him, a little sad at the loss of contact and Robbe was missing it too, the warmth of Sander that seemed to pierce through the fabric of his clothes. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

* * *

“Are you sure about this? Like, are you sure they want me here?” Sander questioned, nervously, his fingers playing idly with Robbe’s. 

“Yes,” Robbe spoke, matter-of-factly.

It had been almost a week and Robbe had spent the majority of his time at Sander’s apartment, save classes and mandatory study time with Yasmina. There were numerous instances that Sander insisted that he should leave him alone so that way Robbe didn’t have to worry about him, but Robbe simply pressed kisses against his cheek, his lips, his nose, and told him that he wasn’t there to take care of Sander, wasn’t there to babysit him while he was feeling down, he was there to be with him because he wanted to be there and wanted to be with him. 

On Monday morning, once Robbe had moved to get out of bed because he had a quiz in one of his classes and had promised Yasmina that he would meet her to study beforehand (same class and teacher, but different times), Sander had woken up to Robbe moving away from him and asked fearfully, “Are you going to come back?”

Robbe had pressed a kiss to his lips and whispered, “Always.” 

Sander had smiled, wrapping himself back up in the cocoon of blankets as Robbe headed off to a shower. By the time that Robbe was out, heading out to school and using Sander’s keys to lock up the apartment, the blond was already fast asleep. It was later in the week, on Wednesday, that Jens had caught up to Robbe as he moved to leave the school that his best friend informed him of the party on Friday night, a celebration of Jens and Milan’s shared birthdays and of Senne’s, which landed a couple of days after. 

“Oh, and bring Sander too! If he feels up to it!” 

When Robbe got back to Sander’s apartment, finding him propped up on the bed, eating a croque that he had made himself, and told him of the party and Jens’ invitation, Sander had wanted to go, wanted to get out of the apartment, and stop hanging around by himself. He missed being outside of the apartment, his missed being with people (though, he told Robbe that he was always thrilled to have Robbe all to himself), and Robbe was more than happy to bring him to the party.

But, now that they were in the lobby of Robbe’s old apartment building, he could feel Sander growing nervous again, but he wasn’t for sure about what. 

Robbe wrapped his arm around Sander, turning to press their chests together and angled his head up to stare at his nervous boyfriend, who responded by absent-mindedly wrapping his arms around Robbe’s waist. The taller of the two was more than eager to walk them both back to the elevator. Robbe had already given all the birthday boys their presents for the year, so he was technically showing up empty-handed, but it was more a belated get-together than a traditional birthday party. 

Robbe smiled up at Sander, reaching back to find the elevator up button. Once it was pressed, he could hear the silent hum of the elevator descending down. “You know that if you don’t feel up to going to a rowdy birthday party, you can head home. Everyone will understand.”

Sander shook his head, leaning down to brush their noses together, whispering, “It’s not that.”

“Then, what is it?” Robbe questioned. 

“I’m just nervous about meeting the rest of your friends,” Sander admitted. His cheeks flushed and Robbe placed a kiss to both of them. “I mean, I know the boys, Zoë, Senne, Amber, but I don’t know everyone else. And… especially with everything that happened… and it is the first time that I’ve seen them since…”

“Sander,” Robbe whispered, interrupting him. “You’ll be okay. They’ll love you and if they don’t, too bad because you aren’t going away anytime soon.” He wrapped his arms around Sander’s neck, holding him tightly and declaring, “I won’t let you.” 

Sander chuckled, leaning down to meet Robbe in an open-mouthed kiss that continuously made his head spin. The elevator door dinged, signaling that it had arrived at the ground floor, and Sander’s hands gripped onto Robbe’s waist, guiding him to the elevator. As they passed, Robbe reached out, pressing the appropriate button, before Sander leaned him against the wall, their kisses continuing until Robbe lightly pushed him away, dizzy and out of breath. 

“You’ll be okay,” Robbe promised, smiling up at him. “Plus, I bet that you’re nervous because it’ll be the first time that you’ve been out with so many people since you left the hospital.” There was a thankful expression that crossed Sander’s face, thankful that Robbe had understood. “So, don’t worry about anything. If you need to be alone, you can always duck into the kitchen or I’m sure that Milan and Lisa would be okay if you decided to duck into the spare bedroom.”

“Oh?” Sander whispered, a smug look forming on his features. He reached up, his fingers finding Robbe’s golden chair and beginning to absentmindedly play with the charm. His eyelids were hanging like hoods over his green eyes, trained on Robbe’s lips which made his stomach light up. “And… if I were to sneak into the spare bedroom, would you be joining me to keep me company?”

Robbe laughed, rolling his eyes. “If it makes you feel better, then absolutely.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Sander replied, grinning wickedly, before leaning forward to press his lips against Robbe’s. He grinned into the kiss, which made it quite difficult as the elevator door opened onto the floor of Robbe’s old flatshare. Robbe took Sander’s hand in his own, interlocking their finger and dragging him out of the elevator and down the hallway. There was a faint hum of music that filtered down the hallway, originating from the door that hid Milan and Lisa’s apartment. 

When Robbe knocked on the door, Milan was there, throwing it open. 

“Oh, look who finally decided to show up,” Milan spoke, eyeing Sander curiously. Robbe sent Milan a look and the man responded by sending a grin and laughing. He reached out, pulling Robbe, and by extension Sander, into the apartment before closing the door behind them. “Welcome, the party is already underway and you are the last ones to arrive.”

Robbe took off his jacket, hanging it on the hook that used to be his. Once Sander’s leather jacket was stripped off his shoulders, Robbe placed it over his signature brown jacket. 

“Robbe,” Milan chided. “Are you not going to introduce your lovely boyfriend to me?”

Sander laughed, practically snorting as Robbe crossed his arms over his chest, giving Milan an exasperated look for rushing him. Sander held out his hand towards Milan, who took it quickly, “Sander.”

“Milan,” the older man replied, grinning. Then, he promptly threw an arm around Robbe’s shoulder, pulling him close to his side. Sander grinned at Robbe trying to get away from Milan’s grasp. “In case he hasn’t told you that much about me, because it is _Robbe_ , I’m Robbe’s guru.” At Robbe’s scoff and an eye roll, he quickly added, “Well, _self-appointed guru_ , technicalities and all that. But, I’m sure that the two of us will be seeing a lot of each other. Especially if Robbe decides to bring you to Zoënne’s wedding.” 

As if being called, the groom appeared with a drink in his hand.

“Hey, you made it!” Without even sparing a glance towards Robbe and Milan, because honestly, this happened almost every time that Robbe showed up late to Milan’s party, he moved towards Sander, quickly wrapping his friend into a tight hug. Sander moved to wrap his arms tightly around Senne, patting his back. 

As the two of them stepped back, Robbe vaguely heard Senne question how Sander was doing, but Milan was dragging Robbe towards the thick of the party, where all of the boys were. He heard the shout of his friends greeting him, teasing him for being late, and Robbe spotted Noor moving to the foyer likely to hug Sander as well. But, Milan had other plans, yelling into the crowd towards Zoë, who was talking excitedly with Jana and Lucas on the other side of the room, “Zoë! Hurry, I got Robbe pinned. We’re having a flatshare group hug!”

The woman looked up and laughed at the sight. 

“No,” Robbe lightly protested, attempting to squirm out of Milan’s arms. “Let me go!” 

“How can I refuse?” Zoë spoke through her laugh. She stepped closer, wrapping her arms tightly around Robbe and Milan, resting her cheek against his shoulder. Senne rushed from the foyer, sans his drink, sliding into them to get in on the group hug and almost managing to knock them all over, laughing and grinning as they held onto Robbe. “Sander!” Zoë detached herself from Robbe and twisting herself out of the hug, only to wrap her arms around his neck. 

He hugged her back tightly, grinning at Robbe over his shoulder. Robbe tried to get free, but Senne was locking him in place now, shouting somewhere, “Jens, come on, we’re smothering Robbe!” 

“Let me go!” 

“JENS,” Milan shouted to get the boy’s attention, who was snuggling against Lucas’ neck. 

His best friend glanced up and smirked, and Robbe pointed a finger at him as he moved towards the three of them, Robbe sandwiched between them, “Don’t you dare!” 

“Too late,” Jens boasted before wrapping his arms tightly around Milan and Senne’s shoulders, effectively trapping Robbe in the middle of them, struggling to get free from their embrace. But, he couldn’t stop the fact that he was, in fact, grinning from ear-to-ear. Ducking beneath their arms, Robbe ran towards the kitchen, barely escaping their arms.

Somewhere in the living room, he heard Sander laughing. 

* * *

While Robbe was in the shower, his phone went off once before quickly going off constantly for several minutes, interrupting the David Bowie playlist that had been bouncing off the walls of the bathroom attached to Sander’s bedroom. Curious and confused, Robbe switched off the water and quickly dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist before moving towards his phone, which was sitting on the counter. 

On his phone, there were so many Instagram notifications that he had to blink to get his bearings. There were notifications of people requesting to follow and likes of a photo that he had been tagged in and comments on a photo he had been tagged in. Robbe quickly scrolled to the bottom in search of the first notification that started the entire onslaught of notifications, turning off the sound as he did so to allow David Bowie to resume singing. 

_earthlingoddity tagged you in a post_

Robbe felt his breath catch in his throat, opening the notification. 

He recognized that photo. 

After their lunch with Senne and Zoë, the two of them had headed back to Sander’s apartment with the intention of unpacking more boxes, but quickly devolved into wrestling on the bed, hitting each other with pillows (and Sander pulling Robbe up before he rolled over off the bed), and Sander trying to snap as many photos of Robbe that he possibly could. After one round of Robbe unsuccessfully trying to wrestle the camera away, Sander had turned the camera around, laying over Robbe’s chest, practically pinning him to the bed and snapping photos of both of them. 

In this particular photo, Robbe was kissing Sander’s head, his hand fisted in his hair, and Sander had his tongue stuck out. It must’ve been one of the first photos before they were laughing so hard that the camera shook in Sander’s arms and their kisses devolved into something more that they abandoned the camera (or, rather, Robbe forced him to put it away because he was _not_ that far and Sander had giggled, heeding to his wishes). 

Below the photo, the caption read: 

‘Cause we’re lovers

And that is a fact

Yes, we’re lovers

And that is that.

Robbe smiled, staring down at the photo. 

He stepped out of the bathroom, steam flooding into the bedroom and he looked around, expecting to find Sander in bed where he had flopped down. But, he was gone. Grabbing the sweats and a t-shirt that Robbe had stolen from Sander’s closet, he got dressed before moving into the apartment. The door to Sander’s art room was ajar and he poked his head inside to find his boyfriend sitting at the desk. His head was down and he was concentrating. 

Robbe moved to leave, to go back to the bedroom, so that he could focus on whatever it was that held his concentration, but Sander turned, having heard the door creak open. 

Sander smiled at him, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Robbe spoke, giggling. 

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you get out.”

“It’s okay. I just didn’t know where you went. Mind if I join you?”

“Yeah, it’s ok,” Sander replied. Robbe moved towards him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. There was hardly any room on the chair to sit with him, but Robbe was fine leaning against the back of the chair to eagerly watch over his shoulder as Sander drew. The long canvas that was rested on the desk was only partially filled with sketches of hands, fashioned into fists. Robbe vaguely recognized it as sign language. “It’s for my friend, Eliott,” Sander spoke, answering his unasked question.

“Eliott?”

“Eliott Demaury,” Sander replied. Robbe hummed. “He’s a French director. We met once while I was in France. One of his friends’ birthdays is coming up and he wanted to commission a piece that was purely French sign language that spelled out his favorite quote. He finally sent me all the signs.” He held up his phone which had a picture of a girl that was showing a sign. 

“What is it going to say?” Robbe questioned. 

Sander replied, speaking in rapid French, but it had been too long since Robbe had been in French class and he hardly used the language anymore. But, he recognized a handful of words, which was something. "I'm sorry. What was that? A little slower." 

Sander laughed, shaking his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

Robbe grinned, looking down at him, running his hand through Sander’s bleach-blond hair. “Do you know how much I love you?” 

Sander smiled up at him, angling his face towards his lips, “Not nearly as much as I love you, but I wouldn’t mind hearing it more.” 

Robbe snickered, leaning over to press their lips together, running a hand through the hair at the base of Sander’s neck. The kiss was slow, lucid, and addicting. Sander was half craned back to keep their lips moving together, but Robbe heard his pencil drop moments before the artist’s fingers were tangled in his hair, tugging lightly on the strands. Sander held onto the kiss until the last possible moment, smiling up at him and looking slightly dazed, and Robbe smiled, pressing a kiss against the bridge of Sander’s nose, his forehead, his hair.

Sander let out a breath. “You’re an angel, you know that?”

“I wouldn’t mind hearing it more,” Robbe teased, pressing a kiss against his ear before resting his chin on the top of Sander’s head. 

“Well,” Sander spoke, his voice husky and showing his desire. His hand was on Robbe’s, briefly intertwining their fingers together. “I’ll tell you a lot more once I get you in bed. But, let me finish the rough outline first. I can clean it up tomorrow.” 

“Mmm, okay,” Robbe replied. “Mind if I stay?”

“Course,” Sander replied, picking up his pencil. Robbe watched him, resting his chin on Sander’s shoulder and watching him work. Sander’s pencil lightly traced an imaginary figure on the canvas, barely visible, before he went back over it again with a bit more pressure. Occasionally, his hand would reach up, zooming in on the picture to get the shape of the hand as correct as he could. There was a focused expression on his face and Robbe was fascinated by it, thankful that he had the chance to experience it, right here in front of him.

After nearly thirty minutes, Sander turned towards him, pressing a kiss against his cheek. It was short, sweet, almost involuntarily, and it made Robbe smile, clinging to the strands of his hair as he whispered, “I saw your post.”

“Did you like it?”

“I haven’t liked it on Instagram quite yet, but yes, I did like it. You need to give me a copy of that photo, or at least send it to me. I want it as my lock screen.” 

Sander laughed, looking over at him. “I’ll send it to you, I promise.”

“You better,” Robbe whispered, pressing their lips together again. 

Sander sighed, letting out a breath, “You’re making it incredibly hard to concentrate here.”

“Oh,” Robbe replied, pulling away. “I’ll let you finish.”

Sander turned towards him, his rough outline left forgotten, “No, you don’t. Come back here, my clingy koala.” 

“Clingy koala?” Robbe started before Sander cut him off, wrapping his arms around Robbe in a kiss. 

This kiss was more charged that their brief ones had been before, Sander’s hands gripping at him surely. One arm was around his neck, another around his waist, pressed against the small of his back, and Sander smirked against his lips, leaning back to stare at his face. Robbe chased after his lips, before opening his eyes to look at him. 

“Yeah, you’re my clingy koala,” Sander replied, pulling them back together in another blazing kiss. 

“If you don’t finish that outline now,” Robbe whispered, leaning impossibly closer to Sander, their lips barely brushing and it’s _agonizing_. “I’m not letting you out of bed.”

“I know,” Sander teased, one arm wrapping around Robbe’s neck and the other guiding him out the art room door. “I can work on it tomorrow.” Then, their lips met again, searing and blazing as Sander guided Robbe back to the bedroom, his hand tugging on the shirt that was on Robbe’s chest. “Right now,” Sander whispered between their kisses. “You’re more important.” 

“No,” Robbe whispered, letting Sander pull his own shirt from his body. “ _You’re_ more important,” he confessed, pulling him back against him, their lips meeting in the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who has written a comment, taken the time to leave a kudos, or sent me a message on Tumblr, or liked/reblogged any of my posts for this story, thank you so much for supporting me and this story through this process. This story has a special place in my heart and helped me gain confidence in my writing again. 
> 
> I hope to see you guys around in my next Sobbe fic, which I'm in the midst of planning out, and I wish everyone reading this a wonderful day!
> 
> Edit: I will be taking about a week break from writing Sobbe before I resume writing fics for this fandom. I'll see you all soon!


End file.
